Now it was his turn to burst out laughing at her use of the term “porking”. “How is your brother anyway?”
“He’s good. Just graduated high school, but he’s in that mode where he doesn’t feel like doing anything productive. He hasn’t even applied to any colleges yet. My parents are kind of pissed about that.” She shrugged. “Honestly, I think he sees his little garage band making it big like you guys did.”
“Hey, we started out in my parents’ basement.”
She turned and looked at him. “No, you guys actually took the music seriously. You practiced every day, for hours every night. Michael and his band are just sloppy with it all. They practice maybe once a week, and half the time they are drunk. Honestly, I don’t think he cares much aside from thinking he’ll make a shitload of money, and have girls throwing themselves at him.” She shook her head and brushed her bangs aside.
He wanted to curl his fingers into his palm to stop himself, but he lifted his hand regardless and brushed away a stray piece of dark hair on her cheek. Everything stilled around them, and when she looked at him with clear surprise on her face he swore he could hear his heart in his ears. “Sorry.” He didn’t know why he was apologizing, but it sounded like the right thing to do, like he had overstepped some invisible “friends only line”.
He hadn’t seen her for a long time, and doing little things he had done years ago didn’t seem appropriate. But even though it had been so long it was like he was back in his bed, with her underneath him, and his cock deep inside of her body. Don’t even go there, man. Your dick is about two seconds away from bursting as it is.
“No reason to apologize, but thank you for wanting to.” She looked at him through the veil of her lashes, but it was an innocent look, and not one that he had seen countless times from women trying to sleep with him. That was why he also cared about Tanner the way he had…she was genuine.
He shoved his hands in his front pockets, and looked down, trying to get his thoughts off of her and what he wanted to do, and to a purer intent. It wasn’t that he just wanted to fuck her, because although he did want her in a bad way, he just liked being around her. She had always had this light that surrounded her, and although it sounded kind of cheesy, it was the truth. She had the ability to make him laugh when he was angry, and realize the many times he had been wrong.
The thing with Tanner was he felt like this inexperienced schoolboy around her. He had always felt that way, even if he could act the opposite. Yeah, they had grown up together, but there was something different with her. There had always been something different with her, something that had drawn him to her. It sounded so fucking dumb when he thought about it, but it was the truth. Where he could just curl his finger and a groupie would be there with her panties around her ankles, he felt damn nervous with Tanner. If she knew all the fucking nasty sex he’d had backstage after concerts, the filthy kind that he usually felt ashamed of and in need of a shower when finished, she would probably never let him touch her.
“So, you never told me how it was physically possible for Five to do all those chicks.” There was an easygoing tone in her voice, curiosity even, but he knew as soon as he told her she’d realize just how different the guys were since the last time they were together.
“He had them in a damn line, was pumping three times and then moving down to the next.”
She stared at him for a moment, no expression on her face, and then finally she wrinkled her nose.
“You asked.” He grinned.
She looked away, and then looked back at him. “Yeah, you’re right. I did.” She laughed and shook her head. “That is so nasty and slutty on so many levels … and for all parties. I mean, what kind of person would willingly let a guy use her like that?”
“A girl that wants to get fucked by a rock star.” He said it without missing a beat, and without hesitation. That was the world they lived in, as sad as that was. They stared at each other for a moment. “Tanner, if I had stayed in there and not brought you out to the patio there would have been a lot more thrust in my face than that pair of tits.”
She nodded but didn’t say anything for several seconds. When she finally did speak there was no disgust in her voice like he assumed there might be at knowing that. “Yeah, I’m sure. It’s just … does it ever get old? Or maybe too much?” She turned and leaned her side on the banister. “I know you love the music, and it’s a part of you, but I don’t know if I could handle the drugs and random sex if the roles were reversed.”
He really didn’t need to think about her words, because he knew what she meant. This life wasn’t for everyone, and had ruined a lot of musicians. It had a way of sucking a person down, consuming them until there wasn’t anything left, and then they were nothing. But he and Tanner were talking about him and not any of the other guys—Beats, to be specific. Their rise to fame had been recorded by the news, television, and anyone willing to gossip, but when Beats had hit rock bottom no one had even known it had been that bad.
His recovery hadn’t been publicized, they had made sure of that, but it had been one hard as fuck task to complete. He looked at Beats now, knew that he shouldn’t even be around this kind of shit, but ever since he got cleaned up two years ago, he changed in a way that none of them could really describe. Even after Jacks and the other two guys sat down with him, asked him if he would prefer the parties to be held elsewhere, a place that wasn’t right up in his face, Beats had always said no.
His reasoning was he wanted things to be the way they were, even if it was hard at times. Jacks couldn’t say he was happy at the time with that decision, and had even feared Beats would relapse, but it had been two years since their drummer had gone down that dark hole, and he had been clean ever since.
“I guess I am just kind of numb to it. At first it was great. The parties, the hot chicks throwing themselves at me and wiling to just give it up because I was in Twisted Feather…” When he glanced at her he saw she was watching him intently. “It was great, and I had this high all the time from the lifestyle.” He was going to bring up the fact that he had done his fair share of drugs, had drunk enough alcohol that he could have supplied his own liquor store, and that he had slept with more women than he could even remember over the last five years. He wasn’t proud of any of that shit, especially not with Tanner right next to him, but like he said before, this lifestyle had a way of sucking a person down. They stayed quiet for several seconds, just watching the party again. A lot of shit was moving through his mind since she had brought up the lifestyle, because he couldn’t help but compare how he felt now, to what he was feeling before.
He looked at Beats, saw him talking to Zoe with their faces close together, and wondered why the other guy had never seen Zoe as more than just a friend. She was gorgeous, funny, and they had been close forever. But Beats had his own demons that he had fought, and he had been clean for a long time without relapsing, despite the shit that circulated around them constantly.
“I think it takes a strong person to be a famous musician, or any other profession that puts you in the spotlight like this.” She turned and looked at him when he didn’t answer. “Everything okay?”