She shook her head. She was already still feeling buzzed from the shots she’d had at Rosco’s and the beer she had all but guzzled down less than a half an hour ago. There was no sense in beating around the bush, so she just started right in on the conversation they had started out on the balcony. “I should have called, should have reached out. But, Jacks, you were a freaking rock star pretty much right after we graduated. You got signed, moved out of Brookstone, and started touring and making records.”
He didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and kept his back toward her as he tipped back his glass and finished off his drink.
Finally, after what seemed like ages of silence, he said, “I should have called, too, Tanner.” He turned around and leaned against the bar. “I guess after my confusion and hurt had passed I grew really pissed at the fact that you could just walk away from our friendship like that.” He shrugged, and looked at the ground. “I was really fucking hurt, Tanner. Did you really not know that I was totally in love with you?”
The emotion she felt inside of her at hearing him say that tugged at her heart. He might have used past tense, but he had still said he had loved her. Their lives were so different now. She was living at home jobless, and he was this rocker touring the world.
“I didn’t know, Jacks, because if I would have known how you felt for me I would have told you I felt the same way.” She felt like crying for all the shit that had happened, all the time that now separated them, and all the wasted moments they could have shared. “I guess we both screwed up in that regard.” Maybe she had been blind, or so wrapped up in her own feelings that she hadn’t noticed what had been right in front of her? It was easy to blame it on so many factors, especially when she was standing before him now. “I’m sorry, Jackson.” It had been ages since she had uttered his full name, but she’d be lying if she didn’t admit it felt really good. “If I could go back in time and change it all, not leave like I did, and just tell you that I was in love with you, too, Jacks, I would, in a heartbeat.”
He stared at her for a second, but the uncomfortableness was still so strong. He pushed away from the bar and took a few steps toward her. “You left the way you did because you were too scared things would be different, and stayed away because of my success.” He didn’t phrase it like a question, and it was almost like he was saying those words to himself.
In so many condensed words, yes, that was exactly right, and it seemed so frivolous now.
“At first I didn’t reach out after it was all said and done because I was hurt and pissed, and thought immersing myself in this new life and my music would help me forget about you.” He took another step toward her, but shook his head, only a foot away from her now. “But then as time went on I realized that you don’t have a mean bone in your body, and that you were also probably scared. I mean we were best friends, Tanner, had known each other our whole lives. Regret and fear played hand-in-hand.” He smiled, hoping she understood what he was saying. “So much damn time passed, and so many missed opportunities over a few hours of stolen passion, Tanner.”
She nodded, not able to form words for how thick her tongue was, or for how tightly her throat was closing. She could tell where things were going, could sense that the sexual chemistry they had was climbing higher and higher, and that soon she wouldn’t be able to control it. Doing anything sexual with Jacks after so much time had passed between them, and the fact that they had just reunited less than a couple of hours ago wasn’t the route she should be taking.
But if she were being honest it was like no time had passed at all between them, and that what she felt for Jacks had never been buried. They stared at each other for several seconds, the heat and arousal bouncing between them, and intensifying until she was suffocating from it.
“Come here, Tanner.” His voice was low, hoarse, and there was a touch of dominance in it. There had always been a part of Jacks that commanded people without having to do much more than give them a look. But right now all that she could focus on was the way his mouth moved as he said those three words.
She licked her lips and moved that last bit of space it took to almost have their chests brushing together. It would have been easy enough for him to move toward her, but she knew this wasn’t about who could surrender the most, but how much they wanted each other.
He reached out and cupped her waist with one hand, and covered one side of her face with the other. She felt the calluses from his many years of guitar playing on his fingers. He held her cheek in a tight, almost painful grip.
It was like he was afraid she would turn and leave once again. She wasn’t, not in this lifetime. He brushed the pad of his thumb along her cheek. Back and forth, back and forth. All Jacks did was stare into her eyes. God, his eyes were so blue, so clear. Tanner felt herself leaning forward, felt his warm and sweet alcohol smelling breath brush along her lips.
But he didn’t kiss her, and instead moved the hand that held her face to the back of her head. He tunneled his fingers into her hair, tightened his hold on the strands until the pain mixed with her already climbing and repressed pleasure, and then broke free into this explosive tingling sensation along her entire body.
“You have no idea how much I have wanted you, how much I want you now.” His lips were so close to hers that if he just leaned forward the last couple of inches that separated them he’d kiss her. It had been too long, and she was so desperate for him. The music was so loud, and although she couldn’t hear the lyrics she felt the bass come through the many layers of the walls. It was the same fast and hard beat as her heart.
“No one ever compared to you, Tanner.”
She closed her eyes and breathed out this stuttering gust of air. God, she had only been this wet one other time, and that was when she had given her virginity to Jacks in a drunken night filled with more than one orgasm. Her heart was thundering, and she swore her wetness was soaking clean through her panties.
He was so much bigger than her five-foot-three, nearly a whole foot taller, and his muscles were also so pronounced. She wanted to run her hands over the tattoos that covered his flesh, new ones that he had added to his body as memories of the life he had led.
“You’ve been working out.” She had no idea why she said that, but she supposed feeling his hardness pressed against her softness had the words just spilling out. She also felt something else very hard between them and pressing right into her belly. She remembered all too well how it felt to have that long, thick length inside of her.
“God, Tanner, I want you so bad.” His voice was so harsh.
She wanted to tell him that she wanted him, too, and that she just wanted to pretend that the years hadn’t passed by, but the words lodged in her throat.
“I need you, Tanner. Christ.” And then he had his mouth on hers and his tongue speared between her lips. She wasn’t kissing a rock star, or one of the most wanted men in the world. No, she was kissing Jacks, the boy she had always been in love with. He slid his hands down her shoulders, over her arms, and gripped her waist tightly. And then he was walking them backward until she felt the cold, hard wall greet her back.
He hadn’t broken the kiss, and the deep rumbles that left him had her inner muscles clenching almost painfully. He opened his mouth wider and deepened the kiss, and then moved his hands to the edge of her shirt and started to slowly lift it up.