She’s only a foot inside, shifting from fancy shoe to fancy shoe, her arms wrapped protectively around her middle as she looks down at the dirt. Clearing my throat, I start to muck out Starlight’s stall. I don’t really need to, but I can’t stand there and look at her, I just fucking can’t.
“Then I don’t know why you drove all the way out here, babe.”
She lets out a small growl and I can’t help but tip my lips up in a small smile. “I wanted more than Gallup, Texas could offer me,” she shouts.
“Finally, there’s somethin’,” I say as I continue to work.
“I wanted the bright lights, Ford. I wanted to be famous.”
“Looks like you got everything you wanted,” I point out.
There’s a moment of silence and I hear her sniffle. I hate that she’s crying, never could stand it, but it’s not my job to comfort her anymore. She took that away from me, along with everything else that has to do with her.
“Yeah, at what expense?”
Standing, I wrap my hands around the handle of the shovel and rest my chin on them as I look at her. I don’t just look at her, but I peer deeply into her. Her blue eyes are dull, her face thin and solemn. It doesn’t look like she’s really smiled much in years. I’m getting laugh lines from my antics with the guys, their kids, and being their friend. I don’t think she has that.
“You’ll have to tell me that, Stevie,” I say softly.
She nods. “I lost you, too. I chased my dreams and I got exactly what I wanted.”
“Yeah?”
She nods again. “I’m famous. I’m also alone. I can’t truly trust anyone. I’m thirty-four years old and I don’t have a husband or children. I’m lonely. I’m unhappy in my personal life, but I have everything I ever wanted.”
Inhaling deeply, I let her words wash over me. I feel the same fucking way—exactly. If I tell her that, then that’ll release some of her burden and I’m not sure I want that, yet. Sure, that makes me a big fucking jackass, but I’m not sure I care that much. I’ve had seventeen years of hurt building up inside of me and I can’t let her off that easy, I just can’t.
“Guess all that glitters isn’t always gold.”
I watch as she takes a hesitant step toward me, but only one before she stops. “I know there’s nothing that I can do to make up for the past, but do you think that you could ever forgive me?”
Shaking my head once, I want to tell her no, but even as angry and hurt as I am, not even I could make her feel that shitty. Clearing my throat, I take a step back and let out a sigh.
“We were young, Stevie. It hurt like hell, I can’t lie about that. I was angry for a long time, still am sometimes, but it’s the past. I can’t sit here and dwell on it the rest of my life. You did what you did, and that’s that. You wanted something different than me, and I can’t blame you for wanting out of Gallup. You always were the biggest, brightest star in this place.”
“Ford,” she hiccups.
“I understand why you did it. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive it and I know I’ll never forget it, but I can understand it.”
“If I could go back…” Her words trail off, and I shake my head.
“Don’t,” I grunt. “Just don’t. I think about the past enough as it is, I can’t think about if we could go back. Because I would do about a million things differently and I can’t think about it.”
“Why?”
I hold my breath as she makes her way toward me. She fucking glides on those high-as-fuck heels, stopping right in front of me. My entire body freezes, every muscle tenses when her palm touches my chest.
Flicking my gaze down to her hand, I lift it back to meet hers as I lick my lips. I can taste the salt from my sweat on my lips and I’m sure I stink to high heaven, but I can’t push her away, not when she’s this goddamn close.
“Why?” I rasp.
“Why would you go back, what would you change?”
Dipping my chin, my face is so close to hers, but thank fuck the bill of my hat keeps me from touching my mouth to hers.
“I would keep you, Stephanie. I would chase your sweet ass down. I would keep you for myself, however that looked, I would figure it out, and I would keep you,” I shamelessly admit.
“Cowboy,” she breathes.
I close my eyes. Pain radiates throughout my entire body at her one simple word. Cowboy. I was that too, her cowboy. It was what she called me, her sweet name for me, and I loved every single time she said it.
“It doesn’t matter now. It’s been too long,” I say quietly.
She hums, her hand slowly sliding up the center of my chest until her fingers wrap around the side of my neck. Tilting my head to the side, I brush my lips across hers. Fuck, does she taste sweet, like fucking sugar.
“Has it?” she whispers.
I grunt, dropping the shovel as I wrap one arm around her waist and haul her small body against my chest, at the same time, I slam my mouth against hers. Sliding my tongue between her lips, I taste all of her in one languid stroke.
She whimpers, I swallow the sound at the same time her entire body trembles in my arm. Lifting my other hand, I wrap my fist around her ponytail, twice, tilting her head to the side, positioning her exactly the way that I want her.
My lips travel down her neck, sucking on her soft skin until I reach the collar of her top. “Ford,” she moans softly when I tug her head back a little farther.
Lifting my head, I grin up at her as she watches me through lowered lids. “Been dreamin’ of this for seventeen years, honey,” I rasp.
“Please,” she softly begs.
Fuck. I want this. Want her so bad I can almost taste her. Something ugly slides through me at the thought of taking her right here in the horse barn. Releasing her, I take a step back as she steadies herself.
Balling my hands into fists, I place them on my hips as I take a few calming breaths and look down at my boots. I can practically hear her question as she watches me. Lifting my eyes, I look over at her, my breath heaving as I attempt to calm down at the same time, try to calm my raging hard cock, too.
“That was a mistake,” she whispers.
Hearing her say those words score me. They goddam hurt, even if they’re right. That was a mistake. It would be a bigger mistake if it would have continued. I can’t go back there, not ever.
She takes a step toward me, her eyes wide and glassy. “I’m sorry, Ford, I just…”
“Yeah,” I mumble. “I get it. Hop back in the truck, I’ll take you back to your car.”
She doesn’t argue with me, doesn’t try to stay, instead she turns around and does exactly what I told her to. I climb in after her, my cock still painfully hard as I drive her toward the exit gate of my property.
I don’t get out of the truck or help her, instead, I sit there and just watch her as she walks from my truck to her car. I do nothing but watch as she slips into the driver’s seat, starts her engine, and drives away.
She fucking drives away from me and I do nothing but watch. When her car is out of sight, I get out and lock the gate before I turn my truck around and head back to my house.
I have a fence to mend today, or at least get started mending.