When I went downstairs later, Dad took me to one side and asked if I was all right. He’d heard my shout and Eleanor had told him what happened. She felt bad, he said, for not being more sensitive about my attachment to Mum’s jewellery. But I told him I was fine, and he seemed reassured, giving me a hug and telling me he was always there if I ever needed to talk.
I felt better, and the incident would no doubt have been forgotten…if it hadn’t been for what happened the following day.
I’d spent most of the day in my room, as usual, and when I came down around one to grab a sandwich, the house was empty. But just as I was thinking of heading back upstairs, I heard Eleanor’s car pull up.
‘Hi, Lucy.’ She whisked into the kitchen with some groceries and started putting them away. ‘It’s quite warm in here, isn’t it?’ she added, stopping to slip off her jacket.
‘Yes. I’ve had the heating on. I think it’s – ’ I stopped, the words freezing on my lips. I was staring at the pendant around Eleanor’s neck and I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing.
‘Is that Mum’s necklace?’ I laughed because I knew it couldn’t be. But the more I looked at it, the more I wondered. There couldn’t be many heart-shaped amber pendants…
Eleanor looked down at it. ‘Oh, no, it’s mine.’
‘But…you didn’t tell me yesterday that you had one eaxactly like Mum’s.’
She frowns. ‘Yes, I did. You must have forgotten.’
I shook my head. I could feel myself trembling, emotion rising in a great wave inside me. ‘That’s Mum’s pendant. I know it is. Take it off. Now!’
I was aware of Dad coming in but my focus was on the jewellery round Eleanor’s neck and the horror I was feeling that she could imagine it was all right to wear Mum’s pendant.
‘Now, Lucy, you’re over-reacting,’ Eleanor began, talking to me as if I were a five-year-old.
‘No, I’m not. That’s Mum’s. Give it back to me!’
‘Lucy, love, calm down.’ Dad was over in a second, his arm around me. ‘Eleanor’s explained that it’s her necklace. Why would you think it was your mum’s?’
‘Because…it’s exactly the same as Mum’s,’ I shouted indignantly, amazed he couldn’t see it. ‘How can there be two like that? Give it back now!’ My eyes flashing with fury, I held out my hand.
Eleanor’s eyes widened and she glanced nervously at Dad. Then she reached round to undo the clasp. ‘It’s not quite the same, Lucy, as you’ll see,’ she said calmly, dropping the piece of jewellery into my outstretched palm.
I looked at it and knew instantly I’d made a mistake.
It wasn’t Mum’s necklace. It was very similar. Especially the amber, although the heart was perhaps a little more rounded. But the chain was made of gold, not silver.
‘I…I’m so sorry. I really thought…oh, God.’ I couldn’t stop trembling. I felt sick but Eleanor put her arm around me, murmuring that it was all right, she totally understood, and that it must have been a terrible shock to see her wearing it. She felt bad for not realising…
Dad opened a bottle of wine and I gulped down a glass, feeling the warmth soothing my jangling nerves. We had dinner and I even managed to laugh about it later.
For a while afterwards, I tried to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong. I set a timer on my phone when I put eggs on to boil because too frequently, lately, I’d allowed the pan to boil dry. And I was paranoid about returning the tea towel to its hook, after the time I left it near a ring on the hob and it caught alight. If Dad hadn’t been passing, looking for Eleanor’s reading glasses, I dread to think what would have happened. I could have burned the house down.
Over the course of a few months, there was a catalogue of incidents that showed I couldn’t be trusted around the house. And the creeping suspicion that something was happening to my mind was terrifying. My self-doubt made me more nervous and edgy, which in turn made me prone to do more out-of-character things. It seemed I was caught in a vicious circle. And I was worried I was losing my mind…
And then, for a while, things seemed to improve. My lapses of concentration stopped happening, possibly because I was determined that they would. I started to feel better, more confident, and Dad and Eleanor no longer treated me with care, as if I was a delicate piece of expensive china.
But then, just as I was thinking everything would be okay after all, something happened that took my fear of being paranoid to a whole new frightening level.
I saw Mum’s favourite dress being set alight…
CHAPTER FIVE
After a restless night, I wake in the morning to sunlight streaming into the camper van.
Fumbling for my watch, I find it’s after nine. I need to be gone before anyone questions me being here.
I roll up the sleeves of my rumpled, cornflower blue shirt and drag my hands through my long, tumbled red hair. I pull on my trainers and slip into the driver’s seat, deciding that the first thing I’ll do when I’m booked onto a camp site is have a lovely long shower and wash my hair.
Turning the van in the cul-de-sac takes an agonisingly long time, with a few screeches of gears, but at last I’m back on the street that leads to the park. Driving along, I realise there’s a car park just by the park gates that I didn’t notice the night before, so I pull in alongside a few other vehicles.
I get out of the van and wander over to the railings surrounding the park, staring in and thinking over my options. I need to find a cash point. And a camp site so that I can park up and no longer live in fear of being moved on.
But first…a café for breakfast!
I grab my handbag from the van, lock up and start walking down the hill to the town centre, calculating how much I’ll have in my bank account. While I’m studying, Dad is paying me an allowance every month, and this month’s will have been transferred automatically into my account the day before. So at least I’ll have a few hundred to pay for camping fees and food. If I budget carefully, I should be okay until I can find a little job, perhaps working in one of the pretty harbourside cafes or restaurants here. Any job would do. I’m not fussy. I just need to be able to pay my way.
But before all that, I definitely deserve a proper breakfast. I haven’t eaten since lunchtime yesterday and my stomach is growling. Walking along the high street, I spot a little café advertising a special price for full English breakfast, and as luck would have it, there’s a cash point right next to it.
I quicken my step, relishing the thought of bacon, sausage and eggs, with toast and marmalade, and at least two cups of coffee. Sliding my cash card into the slot, I key in my details, catching the scent of frying bacon emerging from the café as I wait.
When the message comes up, I stare at it, confused.
No funds in my account?
But that can’t be right. Unless I’ve got the date wrong. But no, I’m certain my allowance should have gone in yesterday.
My heart sinks.
Eleanor and Dad have a joint bank account. Has Eleanor cancelled my allowance, out of anger because of what happened yesterday? It’s hard to believe she’d do something so spiteful. But then again, she was absolutely incensed when I knocked out her precious veneers.