“Take off your bra.”
“You take it off,” she replies.
“Yes, ma’am.” I reach around to unhook the bewitching thing, uncovering the prettiest little tits I have ever seen.
My mouth is on them in an instant, tongue swirling around her hard pink nipples, and she’s already moaning and writhing around. There’s no act with this girl. She’s not trying to be some version of a porn star—she’s just giving herself to me. And I want her.
I want her.
I just fucking want her.
“Vince,” she murmurs. “So good.”
“I bet that fucking principal never made you feel this good. I bet he never touched you like this.”
Her whole body stiffens. “What?”
I’m so caught up in licking and sucking that I don’t realize what I’ve said until she pushes me away.
“I never told you he was a principal.”
Fuck.
“What…? You must have.”
“I didn’t.” I don’t even recognize her voice all of a sudden. The way she’s looking at me—covering herself—confused and scared.
It’s killing me.
“Who are you?”
Fuck.
I’ve spent a lot of my life being mad at myself, but never before have I fucked up like this at such an inopportune moment. “Fuck.” I stand up slowly so I don’t pass out, because there’s not much blood going to my head at this point.
She grabs a throw pillow and holds it in front of her chest, sitting up straight, not taking her eyes off me.
I start to pace back and forth like a tiger in a cage.
There is no way for me to spin this now.
I punch the air. “Fuck.” I gotta come clean.
I suddenly stop and stand in front of her with my feet apart, hands on my hips.
She’s backing away from me, as far back into the sofa as she can go.
I blew it.
“I’m Sadie’s ex.” I sigh. “Okay? Sadie? The nanny?”
Nina hasn’t caught on yet.
“She used to be my little brother’s nanny. And she was my girlfriend. And on Saturday she told me it was over. That she’d been seeing this principal guy for two fucking months.”
I watch how her face changes as she processes what I’m saying.
“Nobody’s ever cheated on me before. You know? I was so fucking mad. I was just mad. I didn’t know what to say to her. I just… I hated everything. I couldn’t think straight. When she left my place, I followed her. And she went to your guy’s place.”
Nina winces at the words “your guy.” I know. He’s not her guy anymore.
“The principal. When he came out, I was across the street. And I wanted to beat the shit out of him.” I start pacing again. “But I didn’t. I followed him. Because I had to do something. Because I wanted to see what kind of guy he was. This fucking elementary school principal… And he came here. To your place.”
I can tell she’s still barely absorbing what I’m saying. But I know what she’s thinking—Oh. Shit.
“I waited outside. Across the street. Pacing around, like I am now. And all of a sudden, your window opens up and all these clothes and things start flying out onto the sidewalk. And then he runs out, and you’re yelling and screaming down at him.”
She’s caught up now. She looks horrified. Not because of me but because I saw her like that.
I stand still again, facing her. Because I want to make sure she gets this part. “I know what you’re thinking, Nina,” I tell her. “You think I saw you when you were at your worst—but I thought you were beautiful.”
She shifts around on the sofa for a second, and I wait until she’s still again before continuing.
“You were so angry. You were as mad as I was, but you were saying all this amazing shit. You were angry and articulate, and I thought…this person feels exactly like I do right now. She’s the only person in the world who knows how I feel right now. But she’s using words instead of fists. It was amazing.”
She stares at me, disbelieving.
“Really. It was amazing to me.”
She’s covering her mouth with her hands, her knees bent up to her chest.
“You were all, ‘you motherflorking piece of grit!’ Swearing but not swearing, and it was funny and weird. But you told him exactly how you felt, and it was great. He was being such a worthless little prick.”
She blinks slowly but doesn’t say anything.
She’s actually listening to me.
So I continue.
“From then on, all I’ve been able to think about is you…”
I have never said anything like that out loud to a woman before, but I let it float around for a few seconds. I can practically hear it fall to the floor with a thud. But I keep talking anyway. “I didn’t want to beat the shit out of the principal anymore. Which is good—for me. I don’t need that kind of trouble in my life right now. All I could think about was…getting to know you. Getting to feel better. With you.”
She’s studying my face. Really looking at me. It’s freaking me out, but I feel like someone’s really seeing me and hearing me for the first time in…so long.
“I felt…” Oh shit. I’m gonna say it. I can’t say it. Do not say it. “I felt a connection.”
Blech. Who am I right now? Everyone I know would laugh me out of Brooklyn.
I can’t read her expression, but she doesn’t run away screaming, so fuck it. I’ll just keep talking. “I didn’t see you leave your apartment for two days. If you hadn’t come out tonight, I would have buzzed you. Asked if you wanted to talk. I don’t know.”
She flinches, clutching the pillow to her chest again. “Wait… You’ve been watching my apartment for two days?”
“No. Not all the time. I have a job and a life. I hung out at the coffee shop at the end of the block.”
She blinks. “So you were only part-time stalking me.” She’s not teasing me. She’s trying to figure this out.
“It wasn’t stalking.”
“You followed me to the liquor store?”
“Everyone does that in New York. You see someone you’re interested in when you’re out, you follow her around to see what’s up. That’s not stalking. That’s being a guy in New York.”
She raises an eyebrow, not sure if she can accept this, but she lets it slide. Then she screws up her pretty face and says something that I am totally not expecting. “I don’t understand. Are you still in love with Sadie?”
“What? No. Fuck, no.”
“But are you… It sounds like you still have a lot of feelings about her.”
Feelings. Yeah. I’ve got feelings. But I’m sure as shit not going to tell Nina about them. Not now.
“The only feeling I have about her is anger.” My face is hot. I need to move. I should just go. Why am I even here?
Fuck.
But I can’t stop talking to this woman. I don’t want to stop. For the first time in so fucking long, I want to get stuff off my chest. Come clean. That’s what it feels like. It feels like I’m coming clean. Because she’s so clean.
I don’t know.