4
Charlotte
I have a mother of a headache sitting in the lecture hall Tuesday morning. I wanted nothing more than to shut my alarm off and roll right back into oblivion earlier, but it’s critical that I go to every Psych class from now until the end of the semester to get a good grade. I noticed there were a few questions on the midterm that the professor covered in class but weren’t mentioned in the textbook. I can’t miss anything like that on the final.
I purposely pick a different seat today, specifically one where Luke’s spot is out of my view. If the universe had listened to my prayers last night, a chasm would have opened beneath me and swallowed me whole. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen and I really don’t want to face him any time soon. Just remembering it all makes me cringe. Yelling at him, coming onto him, fleeing, him watching me throw those people out of my room, Becca assuming we were going to hook up, and then being vomited on. I wish I could stop the replay in my head, but my brain won’t let me forget. It seems to be on an endless loop.
I’m bent over my notebook, doodling and waiting for class to start, when I see someone sit down to my left out of the corner of my eye. I peek over and, just my luck, it’s Luke. I straighten immediately, on high alert. “What are you doing?” I ask him. I hear the panic in my voice, but there’s nothing I can do to stop it. “You can’t be here. You always sit up front. Right there,” I say, pointing down to the first row where he’s sat for literally every single class so far. Oh, I guess I can see his normal spot from here. Dang it.
“Oh,” he says unconcerned, making himself more comfortable in the seat. “Just thought a change of scenery would do me good. You know, see what the room looks like from back here.” He smiles at me and my stomach flips over, little butterflies coming to life inside. “How are you feeling today?”
Does he think he’ll just sit down and have a casual conversation with me? Okay, I can do that. I wish I had time for a mental pep talk, but I’ll just have to wing it. “Um, physically? My head hurts,” I tell him. “I don’t drink that often. It always hits me hard when I do.” He continues to stare expectantly, waiting for me to say more, so I ramble on, nervous to fill the silence. “I showered and got the puke off me... so there’s that,” I end lamely. Wow, this isn’t awkward at all.
“And mentally?” he asks softly, his eyes roving over my face.
I glance down at my pen, twirling it, before responding, “Well, other than wanting to crawl into a hole and live there forever, I’m fantastic.” He stays silent, but the weight of his gaze is still on me, waiting patiently. Great, he wants me to talk more. What guy wants to discuss feelings? Fine, I might as well get it all out there and then it’ll be over. No more interaction needed between us. Right?
“Listen,” I begin, turning towards him and meeting his eye. “I’m sorry for how I acted last night. I don’t normally yell at people or... grope them or anything,” I rush on, heat licking my cheeks. “I was having a bad day. I did so crappy on the midterm and I took it out on you, and the shots didn’t help with that. It wasn’t fair to you and I hope you don’t hold it against me. And maybe now, we could forget it ever happened?” My voice goes squeaky as I finish and I shrug my shoulders up, hoping he’ll take the hint that I never want to speak about it again.
He stays silent for a second, and then leans in closer, whispering, “You mean forget about the part where you felt up my arms and said you liked my muscles?” He grins and I groan, letting my head fall onto the desk. “How about when you manhandled those two out of your room? Or when Becca thought we were hooking up?” I let out a little moan. Does this guy have a photographic memory? “Should I forget how you stroked my hair and jaw? How your fingers felt on me?” The teasing tone leaves his voice. “Or when you told me you’ve wanted to touch me for a long time now?” I peek over at him and his smile is gone, his eyes hot. “Yeah, there’s no way I can forget about that.”
My face has to be completely red by this point. I’m so embarrassed that he brought all that up again, but also strangely relieved that it’s out in the open. I thought my actions would repulse him, but if I’m reading him right, did he actually like it? That gives me enough courage to tell him, “I never come on to guys like that. It was just something about the music, and,” I admit, “probably the alcohol, made it all seem so...” I trail off, searching for the word.
“Right,” he says. “It felt right.”
That was exactly it. “Um, yeah,” I reply, flustered that he so quickly came to the heart of how I was feeling too. I tuck my hair behind my ear and break his gaze, shaking off that sense of connection. “Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I don’t normally do stuff like that. It was an in the moment kind of thing. So no need to read anything into it.” I give a nervous laugh, tapping the end of my pen against my notebook frantically.
“Charlotte,” he says, waiting calmly until I meet his eyes again. “You can do that to me anytime you want.”
Oh my God. At the party he had said I was the one seducing him, which was admittedly true, but now it’s all him. He’s leaned in close, his body angled toward me, and the look on his face is... hungry is the only way I can describe it. My breath quickens, the impulse to hide my face rising within me. Anything to keep the illusion of distance between us. I’m a fly under the radar kind of girl. I don’t draw attention from male adonises like this. Or rather, I don’t want to draw their attention. I’m still hurting from Jared, and he didn’t hold a candle to what I sense Luke could do to me.
The professor finally calls out a booming good morning and I jump in my seat, startled. Luke grins and stands, grabbing his backpack. Before leaving, he bends down and whispers, “I’ll leave you alone now. I wouldn’t want to distract you.” He makes his way down the stairs to his usual spot. Sliding in, he turns around and gives me a salute. I quickly avert my eyes, even though he saw me looking. Oh God, the rest of this semester is going to be long.
OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS, I settle back into my routine, minus the staring at Luke every Tuesday and Thursday morning. Okay, maybe there’s a little staring, but definitely not at the rate I was before. Meeting him takes the mystery away, but it also reveals something worse. I might like him. Not just in a your body’s hot kind of way, but also in a you seem like an all around decent person kind of way too. I have no desire to go down that road again, though. I thought my last two boyfriends were nice guys too, but apparently, I’m a poor judge of character. It still seems so fresh despite being, wow, six months already. When did that happen?
I’ve forced myself to not ask Becca anything about him and she surprisingly hasn’t offered any info, which is strange for the queen of gossip. After apologizing about her role in my complete humiliation Halloween night, she hasn’t mentioned it again. I suspect she’s still a little embarrassed but at this point, I’m over it. I can never hold a grudge against her. She’s so light and bubbly, she makes it impossible to stay mad for long, which is probably why we’ve stayed such good friends as well as roommates. I’ve heard of a lot of friendships dying after living together, so I’m glad we still get along so well.