He wasn’t done with me, and I found myself with no desire at all to be freed. I loved Royal. I loved him so much, and though that honestly freaked me out, I’d rather lean into it than run away. He needed me, and I needed him.
Even if he didn’t show that right now.
He’d made his way up to the front by this point, standing with LJ, Knight, and Jax. Like he said, they were paying their respects. Hands behind their backs, they stood gazing into the casket. I still couldn’t really make out much besides that, Mira’s body deep into the bed of the casket, but they had a picture of her right next to it. She was smiling. She was alive and wearing her cheerleader uniform. She was in the perfect peak of her life and not some shell just lying in a casket. She was complete. She was whole.
What the fuck is wrong with this town?
That question plagued me through a surprisingly short service. My mom had been Catholic so hers had been quite long. My sister’s service was also a bit lengthy but mostly because of my dad. I hadn’t seen him today, but hadn’t expected him either. He’d been working a lot the past few days and had been gone the whole weekend entirely.
Fresh air couldn’t have come at a better time upon leaving the church, and I drank it in the instant I was allowed it. Royal kept his long fingers laced with mine, and though the other boys were nearby, I felt disconnected from all of them. They kept looking at each other, not looking at me. They were doing more of their Court telepathy, and not only did that annoy me, I was insulted by it. Royal’s hand left mine when we reached the street, but only because I got the distraction of other friends. Birdie and some of the basketball team made their appearance, and I gave Birdie a hug the minute she found me.
“This is all crazy, right?” she announced, looking quite sad really. All the girls did. We weren’t Mira’s biggest fans, but still, I didn’t think anyone wanted anything bad to happen to her. Birdie swallowed. “I mean, I know she called me Big Bird, but I’d never want anything like this to happen.”
She took the words right out of my mouth, and in the shuffle, I realized Royal, LJ, Knight, and Jax had allowed me to be led off. They currently stood in the street with a few other Court members, just talking. Royal’s hands were in his pockets, and seeing me, he tipped his chin before going back to it.
I rubbed Birdie’s shoulder. “Same. I didn’t like her, but yeah. Never wanted this to happen.”
“Any of you guys know why she did it?” Smoke pulled from Shakira’s lips. She’d lit a joint right outside of the church.
Kiki smacked her hand. “Girl, you can’t smoke that here, now.”
“Girl, I can’t not smoke this here. You saw that shit.” Shakira shook her head, taking another drag. “Just tragic.”
Agreeing, the joint got passed around. We made sure to do it out of the fray and to the side of the church, but we were still technically on the front lawn. I didn’t think any of us cared at that point, and even I took a hit, which got me a look from a few old people lingering outside. They should probably respect how others decided to deal with this stuff. I would if I saw them doing the same.
I folded my arms. “No idea why. But she didn’t exactly seem like she had everything together.”
In saying that, I thought about those last moments I’d had with her. She’d been seriously on one hundred when she freaked out on me and maybe wherever all that came from just got the best of her.
The joint made it over to Birdie. She tipped her chin. “You don’t think it’s because of you, right?”
Her saying that honestly left me gobsmacked. My jaw dropped. “What?”
“I just mean…” And in the next seconds, her gaze flitted over to Royal and crew. The guys were all still talking, in their own little world. I noticed not completely though. Royal and even Knight, Jax, and LJ were definitely keeping tabs on me. They were a part of their conversation with the other boys of the Court, yes, but their eyes definitely escaped in my direction quite a few times. As I was doing the same with them, I didn’t make much of it. I needed to know where they were, and they obviously felt the same.
“Yeah.” A finger came out, Kiki’s, when she pointed toward my neck. “Is that his ring? We saw you sitting with Royal. At the assembly?”
“Mm-hmm, and Birdie tells us you guys are together?” Shakira’s eyebrows rose. “Is that his ring around your neck?”
Having forgotten about the token, I placed my fingers to the very ring resting on my chest. Royal gave it to me the day we got back together, moments before everything changed once again.
“This doesn’t mean you belong to me… It means you’re a part of me, a part of all this. I don’t own you because you can’t be owned.”
He’d said I couldn’t be owned, but he was still owning me. I rubbed the ring. “Her taking her life can’t be because of me.”
Birdie shrugged, holding the weed out to Shakira. “We’re not saying it really was, but you are with her man now.”
“Okay, you guys are seriously overstepping. God—” I started to walk away, but was grabbed, Birdie.
She placed her hands on my shoulders, then pushed them around me, a strong hug. “We’re sorry,” she said, pulling away. “We’re just trying to make sense of this. This is all super weird.”
I agreed, very weird. Mira was angry, but she was also very sure of herself, both arrogant and confident. In a lot of ways, she was the yin to Royal’s yang. She could have been the queen to his king, and that wasn’t lost on me.
“Sorry again,” Birdie said. I got another hug before the other girls joined in too. I was in the middle of a bear hug, the extended limbs of Amazon-sized women around me. The whole thing ultimately made me laugh, and I couldn’t be mad at my friends anymore.
I embraced them. “I guess you’re all forgiven,” I said, getting some breath back in when they allowed me to pull away. Soon enough, the rest of the other basketball girls and guys joined us. I noticed very quickly a certain someone wasn’t with them, and thinking back, I hadn’t seen Ramses inside either.
“Ramses?” I asked the girls. They were all starting to get themselves together and leave, all deciding to go meet at a local diner to get something to eat instead of the stress of the burial. I think it was all just too much, too weird.
Birdie shoved her hands in her coat, the weather still a little chilly in the Midwest. “I didn’t expect him today. Actually, I didn’t even see him on assembly day. I texted him, but I guess his parents took him out of town.”
Why hadn’t I noticed? Clearly, a shitty friend. My new obsession with Royal Prinze had something to do with that, I was sure, and coming in for another hug, I told the girls I’d talk to them later. They left, and I got out my phone, trying to correct past wrongs.
Me: Hey, stranger. You all good? Didn’t see you at the funeral. Mira’s?
I hadn’t seen him at the assembly either, obviously since he wasn’t there. I just should have noticed.
God, you’re so self-involved.
The bubble came up from Ramses’s text, and as I waited, I noticed Royal, Jax, Knight, and LJ talking to Sheriff Ashford. I hadn’t seen the sheriff since the assembly, but what’s peculiar was, he was just as much of a mess now as he was that day. Royal himself was actually holding him up a little, the man crying. The sheriff had a fist over his mouth; from the looks of it, it was all he could do to keep himself together.