“No.” He shakes his head. “No. We can tell them about you, if you’d like. But not about me. I don’t want them knowing shit before I do. And I can’t trust Adam. I love him, don’t get me wrong. I’d die for him if it came down to it. Like…” He laughs. “I can’t really fight my way out of anything with him. We’re not trained the same. But if I could help him in a time of need, I would. No hesitation. McKay too. But this is…”
“Personal,” I finish for him.
“Very personal. Carter…” Donovan draws in another very long breath. “If he’s alive—and obviously, he is—then we have some shit to sort out. And I don’t want Adam or McKay to steal that opportunity away from me. I need to find him and I need that last conversation. He’s the one with the answers. If they kill him before I get my chance, well, I’ll never be OK, Indie. I can’t let that happen. So the deal is, you keep me out of it if you want to tell Adam and McKay what you’re up to.”
“I can live with that. But I’m not going to tell them. That’s why I made my own space over here. We can do me at home and then I’ll go into town with you and we’ll keep all your stuff separate.”
“Hmm. They might start asking questions about that. The town thing.”
“Well, we’ll have to be smart about it, obviously. I’ll tell them I’m working for you. Filing or something.”
“Filing.” He laughs. “Do people file things anymore?”
“How the fuck should I know? I’ve never had an actual job.”
He laughs again. “How about we just tell them we’re spending time together?”
“Like… we’re dating?”
I feel him shrug underneath me. “Listen, it’s gonna happen sooner or later. Sooner is my guess. We all know that the thing holding this up is them, not us. Right?”
“We saw you last night, by the way. Adam and I were looking in the window when you and McKay were kissing. So it went well?”
“No. It did not go well. He did let me kiss him. And I was pushing it. Gonna take it a little further. But then you and Adam came in the front door and he went all rigid again. Then after you two went upstairs, he pushed me in the chest and told me to back the fuck up and keep my distance.”
“Fucking McKay. He’s the one holding shit up. If those two would just work it out, we’d all be a lot happier.”
“It’s not just them, though. It’s you and Adam too.”
“No. Adam and me are just fine.”
“You sure about that?”
“Well… hmm.” I think about last night. How he stopped me. Didn’t let me get him off, but then got me off instead. “Maybe not.”
“You and I have been together lots of times.”
I tsk my tongue at him. “I would not call it lots of times, Donovan. It’s been like—”
“Eight times, Indie. I’m keeping track. More than you and McKay, that’s for sure. But still, McKay and you, that’s a done deal. He loves you. You love him. But you’ve never been with Adam outside that one time.”
I make a face and scratch my arm. “I don’t know what you’re getting at.”
“You need to spend time with Adam, too.”
“Well, I can’t just ignore McKay. He’d get mad.”
“My point is, if we say we want time together it’s gonna make waves. So you’re going to need to make up for that. With them.”
“Hmm. Maggie’s always with Adam.”
“Yeah, well, maybe Mags and McKay need some alone time too? Maybe we should come up with a schedule? Like… divide up our time so no one feels left out. That way when you and I disappear to Pearl Springs no one thinks too hard about it.”
“This feels like a plan.”
“It is a plan.”
“Should we be planning this kind of thing without them?”
“If we’re going to figure out where we came from? Then yes. You came to me, remember? I was gonna do this on my own.”
“Yeah, OK. That’s fine then. I’ll ask Adam if he’d like to do something tomorrow. Maybe go into town and order some new things for the garden. That’s something that feels normal for us.”
“Yeah, good idea. And I’ll ask Maggie if she wants to go into New Orleans or something and then offer up McKay as her parent-of-the-day.”
“Don’t let her pick the zoo, Donovan.”
“Fuck the zoo. I’ll suggest the aquarium. You got any objections to the aquarium?”
“Nope. Nobody ever put me in a tank. At least I don’t think so. Hmm.”
“What?”
“I think this is a good plan all the way around. We’re all gonna get something out of this.”
“Yeah. I think you’re right.” He sighs. “I actually feel a lot better now. I was in a funk when I came in here. Thanks for that, Indie.”
“No problem. I’m glad I helped. For once.”
“So when should we get started on your… therapy?”
I sit up in his lap and look at him. “Now. McKay and Adam are fishing with Maggie on the duck lake. We should jump right in while we have a chance.”
I get up, walk over to the little table, and pick up the digital recorder, a spiral notebook, and a pen. I hand Donovan the pad and pen and then take the recorder with me over to the couch near the windows and sit down. “I want you to start at the island and work backwards. I think I’ll make more progress that way. Plus, you were there. So you can corroborate a lot of it. That way we know we’re on the right track. No drugs this time, but we might have to use them later, if I don’t make progress.”
“You’ve really thought this out.”
“I have. I want you to put me under and take me as far back as you can starting with the snake cage.”
He stands up and picks up the chair so he can place it near the couch, then sits back down and crosses his legs, getting himself settled into therapist mode.
And I don’t know. This feels good. Very familiar. For both of us, I think. This is something we’ve done together hundreds of times. It feels right.
I’m gonna get to the bottom of this thing between Nate and me.
I can feel it.
Like all my truth is just below the surface, ready to come up.
CHAPTER FIVE - DONOVAN
INDIE
PRIVATE SESSION #1
DONOVAN: OK, Indie. You know how this starts. So—
INDIE: I get it. I asked you to do this. This is not a medical procedure and this is not medical advice. This is a simple Q&A under hypnosis. I give my full consent and agree that you will not be held responsible for any psychological consequences.
Jesus Christ, Indie.
What? I’m just trying to protect you.
It’s just… funny. Thinking back on the very first time we did this and I had to spend like ten minutes explaining things to you.
Yeah, well. Not our first rodeo, is it?
No. OK. So… I think I’ve got a starting point, so just relax and take a few deep breaths. Clear your mind and feel yourself sink down into the cushions and become heavy.