“I really hate it,” Zoey said. “I work twenty-four-seven to get rid of it. I figured once I pay it all off, I’ll look for more of a career and work on moving out.”
The student loans were a reminder of her bad decisions, that she still hadn’t found her career path, that she took a risk that didn’t pan out. The bills, the balance on a computer screen, made her ears steam with anger. Made her angrier than Jonathan ever had.
Jonathan smirked, his lips slightly curled in amusement.
“What’s that look for?” He used to smirk all the time in high school, usually in response to a snarky joke he wasn’t going to tell or an image he conjured that was too crass to share. “Seriously, what?” she asked.
“You’re different, but not,” Jonathan said. “All these years I just remembered the girl who stopped at nothing. Who had her life all planned out. I’m just glad you’re still a bulldog.”
Zoey leaned back with her arms crossed. “They are the cutest dogs.”
“False,” Jonathan said. “German shepherd puppies are the cutest.”
“Well, you got me there. Nothing can beat that,” she said. She smiled and uncrossed her arms. She leaned forward on the table, the wood rough on her elbows. He mirrored her body language, propping his chin on his hands.
In high school, her entire future revolved around Jonathan. Since he was a year older than she was, he would go ahead to college and she would finish high school. She would join him at ASU the following year, they would eventually get an apartment off-campus, and get married after she graduated. They were supposed to get jobs they loved, buy a house, have kids, get a dog, be happy.
Someone else got to have some of that with Jonathan. No matter how much her anger had simmered, she felt the pain creeping back in, a dull ache that had been there for eleven years. The breakup with Jonathan was the first time she’d really doubted herself. The first time a huge dream shattered and she was left without a clear plan. It wasn’t even the first time someone she loved left her, but the Jonathan-sized pain probably had never gone away. It just lay dormant, and now it was being shaken awake violently.
She had stopped making plans after that and instead just floated from one bad idea to another, without much forethought.
Still, maybe there could be healing in this weekend. The pain could be handled. She could recover; she could be stronger. Any residual nerves disappeared, and calmness washed over her.
Here was this boy who decimated her heart when she was seventeen, and they were fine. What was done was done. She had been through some shit; he definitely had been through some too. Maybe it was meant to happen this way.
“I would like to be friends,” Zoey said.
Jonathan’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yep. Just no funny business.”
“Scout’s honor.” He held up his hand and laid the other on his heart.
She believed him that he wouldn’t try anything.
She, on the other hand, didn’t trust herself. At all.
7
Seeing Zoey and sitting across from her was a weird experience.
A large piece of his childhood lived with her; she was painted in the fondest memories of his life. She was his first everything, and now here she was, after eleven long years of separation, finally talking with him. She was still as driven as she was adorably awkward, but her optimism had been undercut by disappointment and failure. She was aware that things could go wrong but continued on anyway.
He agreed to no funny business, and he wouldn’t initiate anything. However, her hands were right there, and he wanted to grab them. Her hair fell in her face, and he wanted to tuck it behind her ear. Her lips looked so full and succulent, and he wanted to kiss her to see if she tasted how he remembered.
It had taken a small miracle to get her to this lunch, but now she wanted to be friends? Mission accomplished.
However, he was realizing he wanted to be more than friends again. A lot more than friends.
The server dropped off the burgers and provided more refills, thankfully stopping the spiraling of his thoughts. Jonathan watched Zoey as she took several bites in quick succession.
“You’re eating like you just got out of prison,” Jonathan joked as Zoey cleared half of her burger before Jonathan got two bites in.
“Caroline made me run this morning, and all I had was coffee and half of a protein bar, so back off,” Zoey mumbled, in between gigantic bites.
“These picnic benches are probably the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever sat on, but damn if that isn’t the best burger I’ve ever had,” Jonathan said.
“I agree,” Zoey said, taking her pinkie to the sauce that dripped from the burger. Jonathan watched her bring her finger to her mouth. Any woman licking sauce off of something could be a turn-on, but that it was her, the first girl he had ever seen naked, was almost too much for him to handle.
It had been a long time for Jonathan, probably over six months since he had been with a woman. There had been two women after his divorce, one he dated for a few months, and another that was just physical over the course of a couple weeks. He hadn’t thought about dating so much since he had started his new position as an insurance investigator and began spending all of his time working and going to the gym. He looked at Zoey and wondered who the last lucky bastard to sleep with her was. He wondered how many men she had taken to bed since they had broken up. Besides the two he was in the wedding with.
“Thank you for lunch. It was really nice,” Zoey said.
“I also had a really nice time.”
After Jonathan paid the check, they left through a rickety side-gate that groaned loudly as Zoey opened it.
“How I feel about going back to work on Monday.”
“Exactly. But the weekend is young.”
“Best burger in my adult life,” Zoey said. “I’ll have to remember this place.”
He hesitated before saying, “Maybe we could sneak away again for lunch tomorrow.”
“Nope. I will be sequestered doing very important female things. Champagne. No food. Serious business.”
“Oh yeah, the wedding. Almost forgot.”
Zoey stopped. “I’m not quite ready to go back to the house. Do you want to take a walk? I owe you one from yesterday.”
“Sure,” Jonathan said. They walked down the half-paved, half-dirt road, farther away from the restaurant and the car. He checked her ass as they walked, and she indeed had hardcore grime on the seat of her shorts.
He smirked and clasped his hands behind his back.
Zoey looked back. “Why the guilty smirk again?”
“You were right. You ruined your shorts.”
Zoey stopped and twisted around, looking at the seat of her shorts. She flapped her arms down in disgust. “This is why I can’t have nice things.”
Jonathan couldn’t help but smile.
They continued to walk down the road; the only sound was of Zoey’s flip flops kicking up dust. They chatted about inane things, including TV shows they watched. They both gushed over Breaking Bad and how amazing El Camino was as a follow-up to the show.
Jonathan couldn’t stop staring at her. Every once in a while, she would look over, and he wouldn’t look away. She would smile, and they would keep walking.