Those three little humans meant the world to him.
“The boys are…” She seemed to search for the right word. “Resilient. They’re coping better than the rest of us. Sometimes I worry they don’t remember him. They were only six when…” She didn’t finish. No need. “I mean, do you remember anything from when you were six?”
“I remember driving across the country with Mom. I didn’t know it at the time, but she was escaping the long reach of her family.” Despite the pain and grief that had been his constant companions, the memory brought a smile to his lips. “We stopped at one of those stupid roadside attractions in some middle-of-nowhere place because I had seen a giant dinosaur from the road. She put me up on the back of that dinosaur and climbed up there with me. I think she still has the picture someone took of us.”
A small smile played across Leah’s lips. “She does. I’ve seen it.”
He nodded, not the least bit surprised. His mother kept everything. “While we were up there, she told me my name wasn’t Marco Bellisario anymore. From then on, I was Marcus Deangelo, and we wouldn’t see my uncles or grandfather ever again.”
Leah started repacking the first aid kit, all casual, like he hadn’t just admitted his connection to the infamous Bellisario crime family. Of course she wouldn’t flinch at hearing his birth name. She was one of the few people in the world who knew it. But even though most of his family members were now in prison, it still wasn’t something he liked to broadcast. People always looked at him differently when they found out he was related to the infamous Bellisario crime family.
But not Leah. She’d never judged him for the sins of his family.
“How did you react?” Leah asked. “When your mom told you everything was changing so drastically, did it bother you?”
He lifted his unwounded shoulder, let it drop. “I don’t know. I was so young I only remember the dinosaur and Mom telling me my new name.”
“Your grandfather was like a father figure to you, wasn’t he?”
If you could call it that. “Yeah, I suppose so.”
“Did you miss him?”
“No.”
Leah leaned forward and pressed her fists to her eyes. Only then did Marcus realize his mistake. He hadn’t seen the connection she was trying to draw until it was too late.
“Leah.” He crouched down in front of her and pulled her hands away from her eyes. “My relationship with my grandfather was very different than Danny’s with the twins. My grandfather was a bully. He terrorized us. I was relieved when Mom told me I never had to see him again. But Danny? He loved the twins and they loved him. They will remember him. Bits and pieces, but it will be all the good stuff.”
“You’re right.” After a moment, she sniffled and straightened her shoulders. “And I should be happy they’re handling it so well because…Maya is struggling. She’s angry, acting out. She always used to be such a happy girl. I don’t know what to do to help her.”
“Hey. Listen to me. You’ll figure it out. You always do.”
She shook her head. “I’m tired of always having to figure it out alone.”
He had to touch her. It was a bad idea, but he couldn’t stand to see her suffering alone when he could offer the comfort of a shoulder to cry on. He pulled her into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held on, much like she had that night he didn’t like to think about. The night they’d almost done something in a haze of grief that they both would have regretted. He shouldn’t be touching her like this. And he sure as fuck shouldn’t want to touch her in other ways.
He breathed in her scent and the answering tug deep in his stomach told him to back off before his body betrayed him.
God. How was it possible for something so wrong to feel so good?
She tucked her face against his chest. She felt small and fragile in his arms, but he knew better. She was tougher than her looks let on. After his mother, she was the strongest woman he knew and since joining HORNET, he’d gone to battle with some kickass women guarding his six. Leah, with her quiet strength, blew them all out of the water.
He held on too long, couldn’t make himself let go. When she finally lifted her gaze to his, all soft and grateful, his heart all but tripped over itself. He had kissed her once—just once—that night he didn’t like to think about, but the memory of her sweet lips on his had haunted him ever since. He wanted another taste and, because of that, his hatred for himself ran marrow deep. Yes, he was an asshole. He was selfish and greedy. He was a horrible human being and the worst kind of friend.
But, God help him, he was going to kiss her anyway.
Chapter Eight
Leah’s breath hitched at the flare of heat in Marcus’s dark eyes. He was going to kiss her. He broadcasted his intentions loud and clear, giving her plenty of time to back away. She should back away.
She didn’t.
She leaned in, lifting her face toward his, her fingers curling into the material of his shirt. His breath feathered over her lips…
He pulled away, jolting like someone had stuck him with an electric prod. The disappointment was crushing as she unwound her fingers from his shirt and took a step back, and that surprised her. She’d never been with anyone except her husband, had never wanted to kiss anyone but Danny. But she had wanted Marcus to kiss her just now.
Ah, there it was. The guilt. It closed around her lungs and squeezed.
“I’m sorry,” Marcus said, his voice raw.
She tried to breathe. Tried not to cry, though she didn’t know if the tears threatening were from his rejection or the guilt of wanting him to kiss her. Tried to smile, to reassure him all was fine. “You don’t have to apologize. I—”
Wanted it.
Oh God. She was a horrible person. What kind of woman kisses her late husband’s best friend?
“I-It’s…okay,” she finished dumbly, but Marcus was no longer paying attention to her. He tensed up and shushed her with the wave of one hand. Indignation heated her cheeks until she realized he wasn’t quieting her to avoid talking about what just almost happened. He seemed to be listening for something outside the walls of the bungalow. She closed her mouth without uttering a sound and listened, too. Nothing except the soft splash of waves, the thrum of insects, and her own foolish, deceitful heart thumping too loud and hard.
“What’s wrong?” she finally asked, keeping her voice low.
He shook his head but didn’t relax. “I don’t know. Did you bring anyone here with you?”
“No. I’m alone. The kids are with your mom.”