Marcus still woke up sometimes with the feel of blood on his hands. The rattle of Danny’s last breath in his ears.
No, he didn’t blame HORNET. He blamed himself, and the guilt of it was like a cancer chewing away at him from the inside out. If he returned to the field with HORNET and didn’t have his head screwed on tight, someone else he cared about would die. So he left, but his hometown of L.A. and his current place in San Diego carried too many painful memories. As kids, he and Danny had dreamed of living in Indonesia and surfing every day, so that’s what he did. He got a tourism visa, rented a cabin, and disappeared. Even his mom didn’t know exactly where he’d gone.
So when he carved across the face of a tasty six-foot wave and caught sight of Leah Giancarelli waiting on the beach, a hand raised to shield her eyes from the setting sun and the wind whipping her blond hair across her pretty face, he was so shocked he lost his balance. He took a header into the water and wrenched his shoulder as the wave rag-dolled him over the reef.
And there went all of his zen. It vanished like he hadn’t spent the last eight months religiously devoted to self-care.
He dragged himself onto the beach, cursing and coughing up seawater.
Leah ran over to meet him. “Oh my God. Are you okay? You’re bleeding!” She touched his arm near the nasty gash slashing across his upper shoulder, but he shrugged her off. He couldn’t let her touch him so tenderly. It stirred up things in him better left undisturbed.
“I’m fine.”
She tucked her hands into the back pockets of her jean capris. “What happened? I’ve never seen you wipeout like that.”
He lifted a shoulder, which made the wound scream with outrage. “Got into a fight with the reef. The reef won. It happens. How did you find me?”
She rocked back and forth on her bare feet. Just like when they were teenagers running wild on the SoCal beaches, she still wore a ring on her second toe, and her nails were painted a blue just as deep as the ocean. Just as sparkling as her eyes.
She always had liked blue.
And staring at her dainty toes was fucking weird.
He made himself refocus on her face, but she wasn’t looking at him anymore. She stared out over the water, watching the waves break with an expression somewhere between regret and longing.
“This was Danny’s dream,” she said softly. “Since you guys were kids, you talked about having a place here.” She drew a breath and finally returned her gaze to him. “When your mom told me you were in Indonesia, I figured you came here to ride Nihiwatu.”
“Too expensive. The resort owns the wave and charges five hundred bucks a night.”
“So I discovered. Your mom’s credit card is crying right now.”
“Oh, Jesus. Mom gave you her card?” He groaned and mentally started adding up the cost of this completely unnecessary trip. He’d transfer the money to his mom’s account next time he made a supply run to Bali.
“I can see you doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out how much she spent.”
“She shouldn’t have spent anything.”
“She wants you back.”
He loved his mother, but that woman was an Olympic Gold meddler. “I don’t want to come back. You still didn’t answer how you found me.”
“Before I left Bali, I Googled some of the surf camps on Sumba and…” She waved a hand at the beach. “Here you are.”
Damn. Of course Leah would know where he’d exiled himself. Why hadn’t he considered that?
Or…had he?
Part of him had known exactly what he was doing when he relocated. If he truly hadn’t wanted to be found, he could’ve gone anywhere in the world and disappeared. But, here, he’d known she’d eventually come looking for him. She’d eventually come to drag him back to reality.
But he wasn’t ready to face reality. Not yet.
“Leah, why are you here?”
She waited a beat too long before answering. “Because everyone’s worried about you.”
“That’s not why you left your children and flew across the world.”
“No,” she admitted. “It’s not. I need your help.”
“You could’ve called.”
“Would you have answered?” When he didn’t respond, she continued. “No, you wouldn’t have. You haven’t answered any of Regina’s calls. When was the last time you spoke to your mother?”
“She left a voicemail yesterday.” And she could’ve given him a heads-up that he’d soon have company. Leah must have already been on her way here when his mom left that message.
“Uh-huh, a voicemail. Did you call her back?”
He said nothing in response. He didn’t need to. They both knew the answer.
Jesus, why was she here, prodding him to go back to a place and a life he wasn’t sure he wanted anymore? His temper sparked at the thought. “I’ll pay for whatever repair you need or school fee or—fuck, whatever you need help with. If you’ll just…leave me alone. That’s all I ask.”
“What, you’re going to throw money at us?”
“It’s all I have to give.” He turned away and scooped up his board from the sand.
She huffed out a breath in disbelief. “Typical Marcus. The going gets tough, so you get going.”
What could he say to that? She was spot-on. It had always been his reaction to heavy emotional stress, and it had worked for him for thirty-four years. Why change it up now?
“I can’t believe you,” she said with disgust. “You won’t even deny it.”
“There’s nothing to deny. You have me nailed down, Leah. I’m a coward. What else do you want me to say? I’m sorry? I’m not. I’m a drunk with enough baggage to fill a 747 and the sense of humor of a fifteen-year-old. I’m a fucking mess. You and your kids are better off without me around.”
“No.” She stormed after him and caught his arm. “Marcus Deangelo, you don’t get to do this again. You don’t get to walk away, to disappear and start over again. You broke Danny’s heart the last time you vanished on us.”
She aims, she scores.
Direct hit, straight through the heart. He flinched at the pain of it but jerked his arm free and kept walking.
Nearly six years ago, he’d made a bad call during a hostage negotiation that ended a young girl’s life. After that clusterfuck, he hadn’t been able to live with the guilt. He’d left the FBI and disappeared—came here, to his little slice of surf heaven. His mother hadn’t known where he was for a solid six months, and he’d told her then only because she’d threatened to set the world on fire looking for him. Regina Deangelo didn’t make empty threats.