And me? I’m screwed.
Shayne
My last class couldn’t end quickly enough. I felt the weight of everyone’s attention on me like a thousand bricks on my back. As soon as the bell rang, I made a beeline for the parking lot, shooting a text to Valen to let her know I decided to walk home instead. I didn’t want to tell her about my run-in with Holden. I knew she’d try to fix the problem, for one thing, and I wasn’t in the mood to be fixed.
I wasn’t ready to go home and play twenty questions about my first day back with my mom either, so I walked around the wooded area behind my grandma’s house—my house now, I remind myself—wasting time, lost in thought. On the other side of these woods is Whittemore, and the barn sits in between the two estates, but it’s technically on their land. I don’t know what possesses me to go to the old barn, but that’s exactly where I end up. Old habits die hard, I guess. That, and the fact that I’m a glutton for punishment.
Slowly, I approach the injured tree from that night, pressing my palm against the bare strip of bark that’s much lighter than the rest of the tree, amazed by its resilience. I decide right here and now that I want to be like this tree. A little scarred, but still standing strong. When I left Sawyer Point, I was Grey’s little sister, Amelia’s estranged granddaughter, and the girl who lived with the Ames brothers. I just want to be Shayne. And I want to stand on my own two feet.
Walking in the direction of the barn, I pause when it comes into view, an unexpected wave of emotion rolling through me at the sight of it. From the outside, it looks exactly the same, as if no time has passed at all. I haven’t been here since that night, even when I wanted nothing more. It felt like his.
I jiggle the padlock, defeated, but then a thought occurs to me. I make my way over to the rock that used to act as our hiding spot. It’s a long shot. I doubt Thayer left it here. He knows I know where it is, and he wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to hurt me. I pick it up, and the fact that I have to wedge it free from the dirt tells me that it hasn’t moved in a long time.
“Holy shit, it’s still here,” I whisper to myself, plucking the key from the ground and shaking the excess dirt off. Thayer kept this here so I’d always be able to get inside. Does this mean there’s still some part of him that cares? No. I shake the thought from my head as fast as it came. Why do I do that? Romanticize what I thought we had? He’s made it more than clear that whatever it was meant nothing to him. I meant nothing to him.
Even still, this place means a lot to me. He doesn’t get to take that, too.
Turning back for the door, I stick the key in and twist. The lock pops free and I don’t waste any time letting myself in. The moment I step inside, I know it’s been vacant for a long time. Maybe even since the last night we were here together. The night everything changed. It’s cold, dark, and…lifeless. Empty and stale.
Memories flash into my mind, unbidden. Thayer smoking his cigarettes while we took turns listening to our favorite songs. The first time we kissed. The first time he touched me. In here, we didn’t have to worry about our parents, or about what people thought. In here, we were just…us. In here, we were free.
But now it’s just an old barn.
I walk over to the worktable and swipe my finger across the layer of dust coating the top. He really hasn’t been back here. Unexpected sadness creeps in at the thought. I stayed away for obvious reasons, but before it was ours, this place was his. I swallow hard, turning to leave.
Pulling out my phone, I scroll through my missed calls and texts. Two texts from Mom asking me if I’m okay, one from Grey telling me to call Mom, and three from Valen demanding more than the vague excuse I gave her earlier.
After tapping out a quick text to all three, letting them know I’m fine—and Valen that I’ll call her later—I take one last look at the barn, then close the door behind me.
“Where have you been?” Mom asks before I’m even fully through the door. I shoot her a look, confused. She’s never cared much about my whereabouts before, and one could argue that Shadow Ridge is a hell of a lot more dangerous than Sawyer Point.
“I went for a walk. Why?” I shrug my backpack off my shoulder, tossing it onto the couch before making my way to the kitchen counter that doubles as our dining table. I take the stool next to her as she sips on a glass of wine.
“I was just worried. Being your first day back and all.”
Right. “It was fine. No one seemed to notice, or if they did, they didn’t care,” I lie.
She narrows her eyes, not believing me.
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“I can’t believe you’re turning eighteen soon,” she says, pinching my chin between her thumb and finger. “You get more beautiful every day.”
I give an uncomfortable laugh and try to pull out of her grasp, but she holds me in place.
“Promise me you’ll be careful.” Her eyes are red and weary, and for the first time in my life, my mother looks…tired. She’s still beautiful with her blonde hair and heart-shaped face that will probably always make her look younger than she is—both traits I inherited from her—but the spark has faded from her eyes. There’s no denying that I am my mother’s child. The only thing I didn’t get are her chestnut eyes. My father, whoever he is, must be responsible for my blue ones.
“What could possibly happen—”
“Not just with your safety,” she clarifies. “With your heart.”
That heart she’s referring to starts to work overtime in my chest. Does she know about Thayer and me? I swallow hard, then shake off the thought. There’s no way. We were careful. Mostly. Toward the end, I couldn’t hide my heartbreak if I tried, but everyone assumed that I was grieving. And I was. In more ways than one.
“You don’t have to worry about that,” I assure her.
“Shayne?”
My head pops up when I hear the teacher’s voice to find her standing at the front of the class, holding a slip of paper in her hand.
“You’re needed in the guidance center.”
Flipping my binder shut, I don’t waste any time pushing out of my seat. I might be more nervous about what I’m walking into if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m just grateful for the excuse to get out of this class and away from Holden’s scrutiny. I make my way down the aisle, between the desks, and stop short when a beige closed-toe wedge with a dainty ankle strap shoots out in front of my path in an attempt to trip me. Really? I arch a brow and Taylor Sanders simply pouts, shrugging a shoulder. Images of her dropping to her knees in Thayer’s room pop into my mind, and I have the sudden urge to rip her hair out.
“Oops.”
I roll my eyes, forcing myself to not react. It’s not worth it, it’s not worth it, it’s not worth it. Without a word, I step over her foot, ignoring the snickers coming from Alexis and the rest of Taylor’s cronies. When I get to the end of the aisle, I catch Holden’s gaze. I expected him to be laughing along with them, but instead, he seems...bored out of his mind. I break his stare and head out the door, into the hall.
The halls are quiet, my shoes squeaking against the vinyl floor the only sound. I’m torn between dragging my feet or getting it over with, because I know what this is about. I’m surprised it took this long, to be honest. Deciding to rip the Band-Aid off, I go with the latter.