I cradle his cheeks in the palms of my hands and lean in, pressing my lips to his jaw. Hands squeeze my hips enough to leave a mark as I do it again, this time on each of his closed eyelids, then finally, his lips. As soon as my mouth brushes his, he snaps into motion. His tongue slips into my mouth as one of his hands snakes up my spine and grips the nape of my neck. He shifts his hips upward, causing a moan to slip free, and then he’s unbuckling his belt, lifting his hips to shove his dress pants down just far enough. Rough hands bunch my dress up my thighs, and then he’s flipping me over, settling between my legs.
My body’s buzzing with barely contained lust in record time, and when he grinds into me, I lose all rational thought. I lock my legs around his waist, and he dips his head down, kissing me again. I flick my tongue across the two lip rings curved around his full bottom lip, and he groans, yanking the top of my dress open. I arch up into him as he swipes his tongue across my nipple. My clumsy fingers fumble to the buttons of his dress shirt, pushing them through, one by one. Thayer pulls back just long enough to tear his shirt off, and then he’s back between my legs.
“Touch me,” I beg, wanting more.
He snakes his hand between our bodies, using his fingers to rub the damp spot on my underwear. “I need you.”
My legs fall open, drunk on the feeling. We haven’t ever gone this far—never been this desperate for each other—and somewhere beyond the haze of lust, I know this is wrong. Not the fact that we’re together, but it shouldn’t happen like this. Not when we’re sad and he’s drunk and we’re on the verge of catching fucking pneumonia in this cold, wet barn. Most people would frown upon losing your virginity this way. Most people would also frown upon losing it to your stepbrother.
Thayer jerks my underwear down my hips, and I capture his jaw in my palms, bringing my lips to his. My eyes fall shut as his tongue slips inside my mouth to dance with mine. He pours everything into the kiss. I feel his pain, his heartache, his need, his love. I recognize it because it matches everything I’m feeling inside.
“I love you,” I whisper against his lips, and I feel him tense at the words. When he doesn’t speak, I lift my eyes to his. His eyes are squeezed shut, brows pinched together in pain, jaw clenched tight. Dread unfurls inside me as he pulls away, sitting back on his heels.
“Get out.”
“What?” I bring my arms up to cover my chest. Thayer’s eyes look almost black with only the light of the lantern, his cold expression sending a chill through me. Thunder cracks outside, making me jump, but Thayer remains unmoved, a blank expression on his face. It’s as if a switch flipped.
I right my dress, then pull my underwear back into place. Thayer stands, his open belt hanging loosely from his unzipped pants. He pushes a hand through his hair before pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket. Lighting one, he brings it to his mouth and inhales before he makes his way to the door. He pushes it open, the sound of the storm getting louder, and props one hand against the frame. Rain falls in sheets in front of him as he continues to smoke as if I’m not even here.
I bite down on my lip to keep it from trembling as I stand, straightening out my dress. My tights are askew and still soaked, my dress is stretched out at the chest, but I don’t care. I don’t care about the fact that I don’t have shoes, or that it’s storming. All I care about is getting out of this barn. When I pass him, Thayer catches my wrist, stopping me. I turn to face him, but he says nothing, his eyes zeroing in on the state of my dress at my chest. I jerk my wrist from his grasp and run out into the rain.
It’s coming down much harder than before, and I’m instantly soaked from head to toe. The sky is dark grey and angry, barely visible above the trees. Thunder booms again, followed by a flash of light that illuminates the forest for a fraction of a second.
“Shayne!” Thayer’s voice breaks through the heavy rain. I cross my arms and continue toward my house.
Thunder rolls and lightning follows again, much sooner this time, telling me the storm is moving closer. I push wet hair out of my face, squinting to see through the rain.
“What the fuck, Shayne,” Thayer booms, running up behind me. I turn to face him, his dark, wet hair falling in front of his eyes. “Are you crazy?”
“You told me to leave!”
“Well, now I’m telling you to get your ass back inside the barn!”
I shake my head as the thunder booms once more. I know I’m being unreasonable. Now is not the time to hold anything against him. But I can’t help it. I turn back around, heading for the house. We’re only slightly closer to the barn anyway, and I’d rather get somewhere warm. But then Thayer’s hand is gripping mine, pulling me back toward him.
A loud crack splits my ears as another flash of light appears, interrupting us. Both Thayer and I look over to see a bolt of lightning hit a tree only feet away. It blazes down the tree in a straight line, chunks of bark flying off. I stand there, wide-eyed, staring at the smoke that follows.
“We need to leave.” Thayer grabs my hand again, jerking me out of my stunned state. When we touch, I feel a jolt shoot through my thumb and down my wrist, and I drop his hand like it’s on fire.
“What was that?” It doesn’t exactly hurt, but I definitely felt something.
Thayer frowns, bringing a hand up to grip his bare shoulder, but he doesn’t respond. He felt it, too.
“What the fuck are you guys doing?” Holden calls out, running up to us from the direction of the house. “The old man’s about to lose his shit.” He looks between the two of us, Thayer shirtless, his belt buckle still undone, and me, shoeless, looking more like a wild animal than a girl.
I freeze, not knowing how I’m going to explain, but Thayer’s quick on his feet, even three sheets to the wind.
“Pretty sure she just got hit by some ground lightning,” he says, gesturing to the tree that’s still smoking. “She should probably get to the ER.”
“What? No, I’m fine,” I insist, shaking my head.
Ground lightning? Is that what that was? I barely felt it.
Holden rushes over to me and Thayer takes off, giving me one last look over his shoulder as Holden inspects me for damage. I can’t pry my eyes away from Thayer, standing there in the pouring rain with his bare, tan chest heaving, perpetual frown in place. Somehow, I know that for the second time this week, everything is about to change. I feel it in my bones.
And I can’t shake the feeling that Thayer just said goodbye.
For good.
After Holden and I walked back to Whittemore, my mom took one look at my appearance and quickly shooed me into the upstairs bathroom, demanding answers. I sat there like an infant on the toilet seat while she helped me out of my drenched clothes before turning on the shower, letting steam fill the room. I didn’t need the help, but I knew she was hurting and concerned, so I let her tend to me the way mothers do before I assured her that I was okay and asked her to leave.
I don’t know how much time has passed since she left, but I sit here on the tile floor with my arms wrapped around my bent knees, letting the hot water fall over me. Tears stream down my face as I think about Danny.
Daniel Ames is, to put it simply, the town’s golden boy. Star basketball player. Loved by all and had his whole life ahead of him. Until everything changed in the blink of an eye. He fell from a cliff that he’d jumped off so many times before, but this time, it killed him. Six broken ribs. Two punctured lungs. The official cause of death hasn’t been released, but from what the police told August, he most likely drowned.