Monroe needs to know that, she told herself. The next time he comes over here, or if I should see him someplace in town, I’m going to let Monroe know how I feel, so he can clearly comprehend exactly where he stands. I’m sure once he realizes there is no chance for a romantic relationship with me, he will stop coming around. Then my life will go on as it was before he moved back to Strasburg.
Belinda glanced at Amy and Sylvia, who were now working together to set the table. My concentration needs to be on my children—helping Amy plan for her wedding; supporting Sylvia in every way I can; and guiding and directing Henry’s life so he grows up to be a responsible, Christian man. I also have an obligation to be a good grandmother to my four precious grandchildren.
Belinda prayed daily for her children and the little ones. Although she fell short at times, she always tried to set a good example. Even Ezekiel, who’d become a minister in his church district, needed her prayers. Last night before going to bed, Ezekiel had spoken to Belinda about Henry, and the fact that he still harbored bitterness because Ezekiel hadn’t moved back to Strasburg.
She closed her eyes briefly and offered a quick prayer. Lord, help me to keep my focus on You first and then on my dear family. Please guide and direct my life in the days ahead, and give me the wisdom to provide for my children and grandchildren whatever they require—whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual needs.
It had been two days since Ezekiel and his family left Strasburg, and Belinda felt the emptiness in her house, all the way to her bones. When there weren’t chores to do, Henry had his nose in some book or magazine about birds. Amy spent every free moment working on her wedding dress and making lists that pertained to her and Jared’s special day. Belinda helped with some of those lists, but when it came to her wedding dress, Amy wanted to do it by herself. Allen had come down with a bad cold yesterday, so Sylvia kept busy taking care of him and trying to keep her active little girl out of things.
Belinda felt at loose ends and found herself wishing she could move time forward to spring. She needed to be busy and missed working in the greenhouse. It had kept her mind from dwelling on the huge void in her life since Vernon and Abe had died. Work also helped Belinda not to dwell on the fact that Ezekiel and his family lived so far away and she didn’t get to see them often enough.
“I have myself to blame for that, because I insisted that he remain in Clymer, even when he offered to move back here to help out,” Belinda whispered as she finished putting their clean dishes from lunch in the cupboard.
She closed the cabinet door, and was about to leave the kitchen, when she heard a horse’s whinny outside.
Belinda went to the window and looked out. A horse and buggy she recognized as belonging to Monroe pulled up to the hitching rail. She saw the horse’s breath as it stomped at the rail, sending a few hunks of snow into the air.
Henry wandered into the kitchen and opened up one of the cupboard doors. “I heard a horse and carriage come up the driveway. Who’s here?”
“Monroe pulled in, and he’s getting out of his buggy.” Belinda turned away from the window and glanced at her son.
Henry grimaced, while he got out a box of crackers. “Oh great. Not my favorite person,” he mumbled. “Why is he here?”
“Probably came to visit.” Or try to sway me into letting him do some work, and then I’ll feel obligated to feed Monroe and let him stay around the rest of the evening.
Henry stepped up next to her and looked out the window. “He’s tromping the snow down by his rig, and now he’s moving gingerly in this direction. If you need me, I’ll be in my room—so you and Mr. Esh can chat with each other without me here to listen and get sickened.”
“Henry, I can’t believe you said that. I do appreciate you letting me speak to Monroe alone, however.” She gave his shoulder a tap. “What I have to say to Mr. Esh is a private matter.”
He nodded and hurried from the room.
She moved away from the window and waited for Monroe by the back door. It would be weird for her to tell this man twice in his lifetime that she didn’t share the same feelings for him as he did her. Belinda almost felt sorry for putting Monroe through it again, now, years later. But the fact of the matter was she wasn’t ready to move on, especially under a timetable of less than a year. And my children are not ready for that either.
Having Monroe show up now was the opportunity Belinda had been waiting for, so she would gather up her courage and deal with the uncomfortable situation. Even though she’d been in black dresses since the accident, apparently it hadn’t seemed to affect Monroe’s way of thinking, because he seemed not to waver at coming by and visiting as usual.
Belinda stood off to one side of the door and listened as heavy footsteps clomped up the stairs and onto the porch. She waited for the knock before opening the door.
“Good afternoon, Belinda. How’s your day been going so far?” Monroe greeted her with a cheerful smile and a slight tip of his head.
“So far so good.” Belinda opened the door wider and stepped aside. “Won’t you come in out of the cold?”
“Of course.” He glanced toward the kitchen doorway. “I hope I’m not interrupting your middaagesse.”
She shook her head. “We ate lunch an hour ago, and I just put away the last of our clean dishes.”
Monroe’s shoulder drooped a bit, and he made a strange noise in his throat. “Oh, I see.”
Belinda figured he’d probably hoped for an invitation to join them for the noon meal. “I’m surprised you’re not at work.” She pulled out a chair at the table and gestured for him to take a seat.
He removed his hat and jacket before responding. Once seated, Monroe looked up at Belinda and said, “I checked in at the shop to make sure things were running smoothly this morning, and everything was going fine.”
“So what brings you by here this afternoon?” she asked.
“Came to see you and make sure you and your family are doing all right.” He glanced at the kitchen door, as though expecting someone to walk through it. “Did your oldest son and his family go home?”
“Jah, they left two days ago.”
“That’s good. I—I meant to say it’s good that they could spend Grischdaag with you.”
She gave a nod. “Our Christmas wouldn’t have been the same without them.”
“Makes sense. If I had a family like yours, I’d want to spend time with them too.” Monroe blinked rapidly as he stared at Belinda. “You’re still just as pretty as the day we first met.”
She flapped her hand in his direction. “Need I remind you that we knew each other when we were children attending school together?”
“I know very well when we met and need no reminder.” His brown eyes seemed to grow even darker as he continued to gaze at her. “You were a pretty girl then, and grew more beautiful when you became a young woman. I envied Vernon when you chose him over me.”
Belinda felt the heat of a flush creep across her cheeks and radiate down to her neck. She was not used to receiving such compliments and didn’t know quite how to respond.
“Sorry for making you blush. I just wanted you to know how I felt back then…and even now. I’d like to think I might have a chance for a future with you, Belinda, and—”