When she'd push out, she'd have a sheen of sweat over her neck and chest and dirt smudges all over her. And that damn cocky smile when she'd fixed something on it that her mechanic buddy said was a lost cause. "What can I say, baby... you know how good I am with my hands..."
Lilly started when she felt Mitch poke her in the arm lightly.
"You didn't get one word of what I just explained did you?" Mitch asked, the corner of her mouth lifting in amusement.
"I got that the flappy thing needs to shut on its own?" Lilly said with a sheepish shrug as she felt her cheeks pink at being caught out and the residual of the memory.
"Close enough. The chain is just a bit too long and it's getting caught in the flappy thing," Mitch laughed and went over to the small closet and took out her keys, finding the right one and opening it up and grabbing a small tool box where she pulled out some sort of pliers.
Lilly watched with surprise and when Mitch looked up at her she gestured to the interior of the bathroom. "Figured I better keep some tools here in case I ran into some shoddy work," she grinned cheekily.
Lilly smiled at her, but it immediately turned wistful. She was still affected by how Mitch had helped her aunt in such a significant way. It made her guilt return. She should have come home more often.
“I’m so glad you two remained close, even after…” Lilly let her statement trail off as she wasn’t sure she could trust her voice to finish it.
“She’s more family to me than my own parents. You of all people know that, Lilly,” Mitch said with a gentle smile.
“I do know that, Mitch. I do know,” she repeated softly.
Chapter 6
"I heard Lilly's back," Fish said as soon as Mitch found her seat for their shift briefing.
Mitch looked at him for a long moment. Sometimes she really hated living in a small town. "She is. May's sick and she's come home to help out with the bar," Mitch said, leaving out the rest of the story, not knowing if Lilly, or May for that matter, wanted it known yet.
"You doing okay? I know you haven't seen her in forever. She's staying at May's?" Fish continued in his usual rapid staccato.
"Yes, and yes." Mitch leaned in closer so the whole crew wouldn't be privy to their conversation.
There were a couple of guys on the crew that were around when her and Lilly broke up, or more accurately, when Lilly left her, moving across the country and leaving the firefighter's heart in shambles.
"How long is she in town?" Fish asked in a slightly quieter voice.
"I think she left today, but she said she's coming back," Mitch said, again leaving out further detail.
Fish leaned back in his chair and gave her a knowing nod and said slowly, "I see."
"You see what?" Mitch asked, rolling her eyes at her friend. She settled back in her chair as well and crossed her arms over her chest. "It's been ten years, Fish," she said quietly. "And she has a girlfriend."
He looked over at Mitch with a sad, sympathetic smile but remained silent.
Just then Supervisor Walsh sauntered into the room and dropped a small stack of files onto the table at the front, signaling the beginning of their shift briefing.
"You sure you can hold down the fort for two weeks?" Lilly asked as she pulled out another pair of jeans from her closet and tossed them into her suitcase.
Jaycee gave her a long look until Lilly stopped and saw her expression.
"Sorry, I know you can," Lilly said, drawing out the last word with mild exasperation and a quirk of her lips.
Jaycee got up from the corner of Lilly's bed and wrapped her in a hug from behind. "I can and I am happy to," Jaycee said, giving her a squeeze before letting her go so she could finish packing.
Lilly turned and caught Jaycee, holding her arms and looking into her eyes. "I don't deserve you," she said.
"None of that talk now. I know you don't have a lot of close family and your aunt means a lot to you. Go take care of her," Jaycee said, her eyes warm and sincere.
Why can't I just fall in love with this woman? Lilly asked herself, anguished over her inability to get beyond just a deep affection for her, even after nearly six months of dating. She often wondered if it was because she’d never truly gotten over Mitch, but that seemed absurd. It had been ten years. It had frustrated her, and she knew it was frustrating Jaycee. But she couldn’t conjure up feelings that just weren’t there. Perhaps they were just taking longer to develop, she tried to convince herself.
She shook her head to chase away her thoughts, but they lingered. Her guilt lingered. She squeezed Jaycee’s arms tight. "I appreciate you so much," Lilly said, her voice uneven as her eyes began to tear up. That was the truth and Lilly leaned into it.
"Hey," Jaycee gently admonished, using her thumbs to wipe at Lilly's eyes. "None of that. I'm just trying to earn some girlfriend slash business partner points," she said. Lilly gave her a watery smile at trying to lighten her heavy heart.
"You've got so many I'm going to have to start making you spend them," Lilly said, finally allowing Jaycee to shift her mood. She'd continue to try and let this woman into her heart because it was what Jaycee deserved too.
"Mind if I redeem some right now?" Jaycee asked as she reached past Lilly and pulled the suitcase over to the edge of the bed with a heated look. Lilly then wrapped her arms around Jaycee's waist, pushing away her guilt and giving in to her physical desire for the woman, pulling her down on top of her as she fell backwards onto the bed.
Lilly stood in the shower with her face tilted up into the spray. The guilt she’d been feeling grew three-fold as she thought about last night. She and Jaycee had had fun, but she could tell it had a lot more meaning for Jaycee than it did her. It had been so clear to her this time and once again she’d been angry at herself for not being able to open up to her.
Maybe this was what it was like for adults who had more life experience? Perhaps it just took longer to fall in love? She hated to admit it, even to herself, but she often compared her early days with Mitch to her early days dating Jaycee. She and Mitch had an instant connection that they denied for years until they couldn’t anymore and all she wanted to do was be with Mitch. She wanted to know everything about her, be everything to her… But they were so young. Had they just not known better? Wasn’t it just the shine of first love?
With Jaycee, she’d never felt more than deep friendship with a side of physical attraction, and they’d been friends for nearly five years before Lilly had finally agreed to go out with her. Not only were they in a relationship, they were business partners. It added an extra layer of pressure to try and evolve her feelings for her, but that certainly didn’t sound right or fair to either of them.
To complicate matters further, seeing Mitch again had altered her perspective on Jaycee. She hated to admit it, but the short time she’d spent with Mitch had started her thinking about how differently she felt for her than Jaycee. And how much she thought she could still feel for her.
She pulled her face out of the water and blinked hard at that epiphany. No, that can’t be. It must be just unresolved feelings from our break-up. She could not still be in love with Mitch, could she?