We both sipped and the coffee warmed my throat, my chest, then down to my gut. This is why I needed coffee in the mornings. For the caffeine and for the sensation of the warmth simply traveling through my body.
“How’s everything going? Are you liking school and being here?” I asked as I took yet another sip of my morning beverage.
“So far, so good. I’ve got no complaints. It’s your typical high school. Your jocks. Your cheerleaders. Your band geeks, nerds, whatever you want to call everybody else.”
I noticed the roll of Stassi’s eyes. I licked my cracked lips and gulped down another sip of the hot drink in my hands.
“Where do you fit in?” I asked.
I could tell Stassi was contemplating the question. Where did she fit in? She didn’t know. I watched as she tried to figure out where she should place herself in the high school hierarchy.
“New girl?” She shrugged her shoulders.
I looked into my daughter’s beautiful face as she answered. She stared back at me and suddenly, the look of her eyes into mine scared me. They appeared murky and sharp all at once. Dark, yet bright. Those eyes weren’t hers, and for the split second they were glaring at me, I was frightened. As quickly as the oddity appeared, it was gone. She was her normal self again. Chills blanketed my arms, but I ignored the sensation, the quick change in her appearance, and continued on. I was just tired after all.
“That’s it? Those are the only two words you have to describe yourself?”
She let out a huff and grinned as she shook her head.
“I guess, Mom.” She sipped on her coffee. “I don’t go to school to make a ton of friends. I’m going so I can graduate and move on to the next great adventure in my life. I’m the new girl, and that’s okay. I’ll be the new girl for nine months and then no one will remember who I am. Hell, more than half of the students at that school won’t remember the others a few months after we get our diplomas. High school is nothing but a smudged splatter of ink on a lined sheet of paper.”
“How’d you get so wise?” I nudged her arm.
“I have you as my mom.” She winked at me and started rocking back and forth.
“So, I guess that means no new friends? I shouldn’t be expecting any guests coming over any time soon?” I asked curiously.
“Not really,” she mumbled. “There’s one guy I met.” Her voice was almost a whisper.
“A guy, huh?”
“Yeah. Mom, it’s not like that.”
I could tell she was growing uncomfortable. “Well, what’s his name? Then I’ll stop asking questions, I swear.”
“Jeremy,” she said curtly.
“Okay.” I smiled as I stared out in front of me.
My smile slowly faded as I felt myself getting drawn toward the house again. The pressure on my chest returned. Air escaped from my lungs and none was returning to refill them. I began clawing at my throat. And then at the space in front of me. My coffee mug shattered on the concrete below. Black liquid seeped into the porous material beneath my feet. My eyes felt like they were about to pop.
Stassi was simply rocking back and forth. Back and forth. Forward and backward. The wood of the chair was creaking, scraping against the concrete. She was breathing normally. Her head began turning toward mine but cracked back left when Tux barked from inside the house. The bark snapped me back into the here and now. My cup was still in my hand. The coffee that was left was still sitting in my glass. I was breathing. My chair was moving back and forth. Forward and backward.
“Should I let him out?” Stassi asked, turning her head toward me completely.
My eyebrow was arched, fear was etched across my features. My heart was hammering against my chest and I couldn’t speak. Concern raced across Stassi’s face, but only for a fleeting second.
“Mom?”
“No,” my voice cracked and I swallowed, allowing my spit to lubricate my dry throat. “No, I’ll let him out back in a little bit.”
“Okay.” Stassi shrugged her shoulders and looked back out toward the street.
My eyes followed hers. I watched the quiet, still house in front of us.
“Have you met the neighbors across the street?” I asked her.
“No.”
Tux barked again.
“I’m gonna let Tux out.” Her lips thinned as she looked at me and stood from her seat. “You coming in?”
“Yeah, I’m right behind you.”
• • •
I was sitting at my desk working, sipping on sweet tea and snacking on crackers with cheese. Stassi skipped down the stairs. Her jeans were snug on her waist, but baggy everywhere else. Frayed and torn. One of her black shirts hung on the top of her body loosely. The small mole on her left shoulder shown as the collar of her shirt hung directly below it.
She practically skipped into the kitchen. Her black Converse shoes sounding against the linoleum. I shut down my laptop and stood up from the office chair. I carried my near empty plate and plastic cup into the kitchen, joining Stassi as she placed an apple into her caramel colored messenger bag.
Her blonde hair was pushed back behind her ears, her round sunglasses on top of her head, holding her loose waves in place. She licked her cracked lips and scratched her elbow as she watched me put my dirty dishes in the sink and grab the car keys that had been hanging next to the door that led to the garage.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“To take you to your babysitting job,” I said, though it came out more like a question.
“Oh! I don’t need you to take me.”
“They live in the neighborhood?” I asked as I hung the keys back up. I put my hands in my pockets and turned to face Stassi.
Her lips puckered out and her eyebrows rose higher on her forehead. “Nope,” she simply stated.
I cocked my head toward my shoulder and looked at my daughter quizzically. I didn’t have to ask her anything else; she knew what my question was.
“Jeremy is going to take me.” She slung the bag that was laying by her hip toward her back. She began fidgeting with the strap across her chest.
“Jeremy?”
“Yeah, Mom. I told you about him earlier.”
“You told me you met a boy named Jeremy. You didn’t tell me anything about him.”
Stassi looked down at the watch secured loosely around her small wrist. “Look, Mom, I’ve gotta go. Can we talk about him later? I’m gonna be late.”
As soon as she finished her sentence, the doorbell rang. Stassi blew out a breath and began walking toward the front door. I followed closely behind her.
“Mom,” she whined softly under her breath. “Please don’t do this.”
“I’m at least going to lay eyes on the young man that’s about to drive my daughter around.”
She spun and glared at me. That scary look in her eye returned as she stared into my face. I didn’t waiver this time. I stared back. We were locked in a trance for a few seconds more when the doorbell rang again.
Stassi sighed and turned sideways so that I could pass her. When I opened the door, a small gasp skated over my lips as I looked into the eyes of the boy that had been on my porch before. The young man with the dark, curly hair with sunken chocolate eyes that had stood behind Charlie and Melissa. The boy who had slowly produced color on his skin while he watched my daughter descend the stairs. Just like he was doing now. The boy I questioned seeing was here. Again. In front of me.