“Your turn, Delaney.” Kaitlyn holds the vibrator in her hand. “You’ll love it!”
Marissa laughs and yells, “Wait!” She moves closer to me.
My legs twitch and shake as a jolt of electricity shoots through me. I feel pressure building . . . building. I scream. I hear applause and laughter.
“Delaney!” Mom calls from outside my door.
I find the vibrator pushed between my legs, pulsating, one hand clutching my neck. What the hell? My body convulses in sobs. I want to scream Stop! But my throat feels squeezed. I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!
I jerk up and bang my head against the wall. My other hand grasps my throat. Shit.
“Delaney, I need to tell you something. Come to the kitchen. Please.”
I relax my fingers, pull myself up, turn off the toy, and push it into my pack. Sweat covers my face as I see myself in the mirror above my dresser. I swear she smiles back at me.
I left Marissa’s house. I didn’t do anything.
And I didn’t have sex with Eddie, either.
“Delaney!”
“I’m coming.” I wipe my face and fluff my hair. My legs feel like jelly as I look in the mirror. I did not stay at Marissa’s. When they started FaceTiming, I went to the bathroom for twenty minutes and read the News Alert. When I opened the door, Marissa was chasing Kaitlyn around with a vibrator. I didn’t see her use it. I left the house and drove home.
Is my imagination filling in the gaps? Am I seeing what could’ve happened if I’d stayed? Why?
Am I losing my mind? Where are these stories coming from?
Are they real?
4
Mom and Khannan are seated at the table in the kitchen. She’s in the chair where Eddie—or Khannan—was bound. Or no one. I still feel dizzy, and I stub my toe against the corner of the breakfast bar. “Damn!”
Mom jumps up. “Delaney! Are you all right?”
“Just tired.” I glance at Khannan who looks away. Do I see a little smile on his face? How can I ever look at him without thinking about the vibrator? And I can’t even imagine talking to Eddie. I try to look excited and give her a big smile. “So what’s the big news?”
She beams. “I’ve been invited to Fermilab! I still can’t believe it.”
I try to keep my smile. “What’s that?”
A flicker of disappointment flashes across her face. “It’s the National Accelerator Laboratory near Chicago. They do research on neutrinos and dark matter.”
I remember our conversation two years ago about trees falling and different universes. A rush of heat fills my cheeks as an idea bursts into my brain. “Mom, remember when we talked about the two girls? One who stayed inside and one who played in the rain?”
She wanders back to Khannan, squinting her eyes like she can’t quite figure out where I’m going with this. “Yes, but what . . .”
“What if the girl outside in the rain is injured or has an accident? Could the effect of that event influence the girl who’s inside? Or the girl inside steals some medication from her parents and becomes addicted? Neither girl can physically see the other, but couldn’t they be linked in other ways?”
One version of me did stay at Marissa’s. One version may have had sex with Eddie. Is that what’s happening? The choices I didn’t make still happen somewhere and affect me?
My pulse quickens. I know I’m talking too fast and loud, but I can’t help it. “Maybe the decisions each girl makes are somehow influenced by what the other versions do? You said gravity might leak from another universe. Why couldn’t suffering or pain or joy leak from me to my other selves or them to me?”
Her eyes widen, and she tilts her head.
“Wouldn’t all the different versions of me still be connected in some way? I read something about connection at a distance.” My brain races, and I can barely keep up. “Something about two particles still responding to each other even though they’re miles apart.”
“Entanglement.”
“Yes! That’s it. Would all the me’s be entangled?” Mom furrows her brows and reaches for Khannan’s hand. “Please, answer me! Is it possible?”
“I don’t know, Delaney. Why did you suddenly think of this?”
“It isn’t sudden. I mean the idea is, but the reasons for the idea aren’t.”
She blinks rapidly. “What?”
I move closer. “If gravity can leak between universes, can connections between different versions of me leak as well? I can’t see them physically, but maybe I can feel their emotions or see their memories? Wouldn’t we always be entangled?”
She offers a little smile and lets go of Khannan’s hand.
“That’s an interesting question.” She walks toward me. “What made you think of it?”
“My mind has been running all day. I don’t know.”
She touches my face. “Your skin is warm. Are you sick?”
“I don’t think so.” I feel really stoked right now, and she thinks I’m sick?
I take a glass from the cabinet and fill it with water from the refrigerator door. Then guzzle half of it. “I’m sorry, Mom. I’ve had a weird day.” I glance at Khannan who, once again, looks away. How long can I stand this?
Mom wrings her hands, and I realize I’ve stomped on her big moment. “You’ve been invited to Fermilab. Great!” I flash her my biggest smile. “How’d you manage that?”
The smile returns to her face. “Another scientist I know was scheduled to participate in research there, but he had a death in his family, so he asked me if I could take his place. I’ve always wanted to work there.”
She rushes back to Khannan and actually sits on his leg, hugging his neck.
“We can all go! We’ll spend Christmas in Chicago then you, Khannan, and Eddie will come back here after the holidays. I’ll be working through January.” She jumps up. “We can go to The Field Museum and The Art Institute and go ice skating! We’ll have so much fun.”
My brain stops working when I hear I will be alone with Eddie and Khannan after Christmas. No way. That is not happening. Not even the tiniest possibility.
She smiles and almost leaps at me, grabbing my hands. “What do you think?” Her face is flushed. “Much better than staying here where it never snows. It was so hot today! You’ve never even seen an ice rink or real snow.”
“No, I haven’t.” I need another option. Garrett’s family has asked me to go skiing with them. But that doesn’t take care of January. Run away? Where?
I think of Dad in Alaska.
What a choice. Home alone with Khannan and Eddie—maybe my other self would love the chance—or visiting the Dad I drove away—who probably hates me—assuming he’d let me visit.
I have no other options. I’ll call him.I need to get back to my room and think this through.
“Hey, Mom, I need to write something down before I forget it. Could you come by in a few minutes? I need to talk to you.”
Once again, she gives me that “What’s wrong with you?” look.
“Sure, Delaney.”