Except, now everyone is looking at him. Sam. His parents. The leaders on the stage. Below him, the crowd is littered with expectant faces.
Pulling out now would be a public humiliation. Embarrassing himself is something he handles with a grin and a wink, but it’s two sets of anxious eyes that Luca can’t escape. He can’t humiliate the two people who raised him with more love than he deserved.
Luca shrugs then raises his hand. “And miss all the fun?”
There’s an audible intake of breath from Mercy, and Luca can see Sam bouncing on her toes from the corner of his eyes. Kian and Nova visibly relax.
Dex turns to the crowd, his shoulders tight. “We have our participants. May this Proving serve them well.”
As the roar of clapping rises around them, guilt pierces Luca’s gut. He might’ve saved his parents from the public embarrassment, but they’re still going to be disappointed.
Because he has no intention of staying where he doesn’t belong to do more tests he doesn’t want to pass.
He has his own fire burning in his gut. Kian and Nova understood that, which is why they let him go with their blessing.
People start to leave the stage and Luca trails behind them. He knew coming back wasn’t going to be easy, because leaving again was only going to be harder. But he sure as hell hadn’t expected this…
They’ve just reached the gardens of the ballroom when Sam throws herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Luca spins them around, laughter and joy bursting in his chest. His bond with his little sister has always been something he treasured.
Sam pulls back. “You were late.”
“You were always going to pass,” Luca shoots back at her.
Sam claps her hands under her chin. “I can’t believe we’re all back together. And we’ll be doing the tests as a team!”
Another thing that hasn’t changed. Sam’s wise in the ways of which tree should be planted where and how much water to give it, but she’s never been good with anything not printed on a page. She doesn’t notice the way Luca blanches at her words. She doesn’t realize that Luca and Hawk are everything the other isn’t, and have always known it.
And she sure as hell doesn’t know how deadly the Newlands can be because no one’s got around to writing it down.
Luca bends at the knees, trying to make sure Sam understands what she’s getting herself into. “You know this is going to be dangerous, don’t you?”
Mercy angles her head, her full lips tipping up. “We’ll have you to protect us.”
It seems Mercy is going to be far more distracting than he ever thought possible.
Luca clears his throat. It’s a good thing he’s not staying. This little expedition is doomed from the start. Nor does he need any more thoughts to feel guilty about, thanks to a girl who shouldn’t be taking up airtime in his head.
Hawk shifts closer to Sam. “And you’ll have me.”
Luca grins. “Yep, you’ll have the guy who looks like he’s related to a polar grizzly.”
Hawk’s size and strength means someone will be looking out for Sam.
She nods sagely, looking all grown up and so young at the same time. “Remember how Mom and Dad said we can do anything as long as we’re together?”
Luca wonders if anyone’s ever buckled under the weight of guilt. He’s saved from answering because as he looks up, he finds their collective parents approaching them. Hawk is quickly mobbed by his younger sisters, while Mercy is tugged away by a frowning Dex and Wren.
Sam clasps her hands in front of her. “I’m going to make you proud, Dad.”
Kian engulfs Sam in a hug, and Luca doubts she notices her father looks anything but proud. He looks…terrified.
Then he turns to Luca. Although they embraced when he first arrived, there was an audience. And Luca thought he was arriving at the end of his sister’s Proving.
Not joining a new one of his own.
This hug is bigger, harder, more jammed with emotion. As they clasp tightly, Luca’s surprised to find himself just as tall as Kian now. It’s strange to be the same height as the man who raised him. It’s like they’re equals…except Luca won’t ever be.
They pull apart and Nova’s there, holding him like she never wanted him to leave in the first place. “I’m so glad to see you,” she whispers.
The love that chokes Nova’s voice wraps around Luca. He was drawn to this woman, to her nurturing, gentle heart, from the moment he met her. All he’s ever wanted is to show these two people that he’s worth the love they showered on a little boy from the Outlands.
They pull back and Nova wipes the tears from her face. “There will be plenty of time to talk later.” She glances at Kian and he nods. “Right now, Sam needs to get herself organized.”
Sam frowns. “Can I bring at least one book?”
Nova ushers her away, leaving Kian and Luca alone. People move around them, but Luca doesn’t pay any attention to them. He thought he’d have more time with his family before he left again.
“Did you find anything?” Kian asks softly.
Luca shakes his head. He couldn’t even succeed in that. “Nothing. It’s like she’s disappeared.”
Or died. But Luca refuses to believe that. Surely he’d know if the woman who gave birth to him was gone? Wouldn’t the emptiness he’s always felt at her loss grow even more?
Kian drops a hand on Luca’s shoulder, squeezing it. “I’m sorry, but at least you know you tried. And now that you’re back—"
Luca puts his hand up to stop him. Disappearing without saying anything is something he expects of himself. But outright lying to Kian’s face…he just can’t do it.
“I’m not staying.”
The words look like they just impaled Kian in the chest.
Luca jumps in, wanting to explain. “I only said that on the stage so I didn’t publicly embarrass you by pulling out. I could see you wanted me to go.” He lifts his hands, hoping his father understands. “But I need to go back to the Outlands.”
There’s no peace without knowing what happened to his mother.
Kian shakes his head. “I’ve been nothing but proud of you, Luca. That will never change.”
Proud of what? For climbing every tree in Askala? For only splitting his head open five times? For leaving them the moment he could?
Kian grips his arms. “I want you to go because your little sister volunteered.”
Luca steps back, his father’s grip feeling like a clamp. “What?”
Sweet, soft Sammy. She won’t find any information about surviving the Newlands in her beloved books. They didn’t exist until ten years ago.
Kian’s arms drop by his sides. “She thinks she can do this.”
And that savage stretch of land is going to eat her alive as she works on naming every bug species she comes across.
Except what Kian’s asking of him…A week to do the tests. And if he passes, then he’s tied to Askala forever…
Luca’s frozen, every muscle straining in the want to shake his head. He can’t.
He doesn’t belong here, no matter how much he wanted to.
“Please, Luca. She’s going because she thinks I want this.”