Chapter Three
WHEN I GOT back to the hall, Anna was waiting at the bottom of the staircase.
“I thought you weren’t coming!” she said.
I handed her the plate and then tucked the paper into my glove, making sure it was pushed down far enough not to fall out. “I’m sorry. It took longer than I thought. There was only one chocolate mouse, but I’m sure Nadia will like the other chocolates. You’d better hurry up to bed before someone catches you.”
“Thank you, Charlotte! Nadia will love these!” The little girl smiled and then headed up the stairs, carrying the plate carefully. I watched her, hoping Nadia actually got to eat the chocolates. If the governess found them, Anna would be scolded, and Nadia would get nothing.
A group of people came into the hall, heading for the cloakrooms. From the lack of sound coming from the ballroom, there couldn’t be too many guests left. Before I could go in search of my stepfather, he appeared from a drawing room off the hall, leaning on one of his old friends, who was struggling to support him.
I rushed toward them. “What’s wrong? Papa, are you ill?”
He nearly fell, almost bringing both of them down.
“He appears to have had a little too much to drink,” his friend Prince Shulga said as he struggled to regain his footing. The prince was even older than my stepfather and not in good health.
I thought I hadn’t heard him correctly at first. My stepfather never drank to excess.
“There you are, dear Lise.” My stepfather smiled at me and then shook his head. “How do you stay so young-looking when I have gotten to be such an old man?” His expression changed to a frown, and a tear ran down his face.
A chill ran through me. Lise had been my mother’s name. I looked nothing like her, and she’d been gone for over a year.
“Time to go home,” the prince said. “Perhaps we old men should not drink so much nor stay at the card table so long.”
“I’m not drunk,” my stepfather replied, his words slurring. “Tell Sasha I’ll pay him tomorrow. And tell the baron to send the young man over to the house tomorrow morning. No sense in waiting.”
“Yes, yes, old friend. Come along now.”
I hurried to get our coats but fumbled putting my own on. I couldn’t concentrate on buttons. Papa hadn’t recognized me. He couldn’t be ill. We’d only just managed to find a way to go on after my mother’s death.
I reminded myself that I was a nurse and I should pull myself together. I was not going to panic.
The prince and I helped him into his coat and then out to our sleigh, where the coachman, Yermak, lifted him inside. Thank goodness Yermak had the size and strength of a bear. He acted as if he were lifting a child. My stepfather leaned back and closed his eyes.
“Is the general ill?” Yermak whispered to me.
“I don’t know,” I said, covering my stepfather with a fur from the pile on the seat. “Let’s get him home and we can decide if he needs a doctor.”
My stepfather roused himself for a moment. “I’ve made arrangements…” A snore finished his sentence and he slumped back again. I wrapped the fur blanket more tightly around him. Maybe he was just overtired. He wouldn’t admit he was growing old. We shouldn’t have stayed so late. We shouldn’t even have come to the party, but he had insisted, saying I needed to get away from the hospital more.
As we drove away, I studied his face as if it would reveal what ailed him. Were we actually a burden to him? He’d never acted as if we were. He’d never once suggested my brothers and I should leave. He’d been wonderful to us from the very first day we met. I wished I were already in medical school and had some training. My exposure to medicine consisted of taking care of my brothers and sisters when they were ill and my nursing training at the hospital, which was mostly for women who had gone through difficult childbirths.
He’d never mistaken me for my mother before. Even if it turned out to be the ill effects of drink, I decided I’d send for the doctor anyway.
My stepfather coughed and struggled to sit up straighter. “Lise, we should have a picnic tomorrow,” he said, smiling at me. “The children can hunt for mushrooms in the forest.”
I clenched my hands together and tried to keep my voice from wavering. “We’ll see,” I said. We definitely needed a doctor.
When we reached home, the butler and the footman put my stepfather to bed while Yermak went for the doctor. The doctor arrived, grumbling about the lateness of the hour. I told the man all about the confusion and the stumbling, mentioning possible causes, but the doctor didn’t make any comment.
He made me wait outside in the hall while he examined Papa. When the doctor came out, he said, “Your stepfather is fine, but he’s an old man who shouldn’t be out gallivanting at all hours of the night. I’m an old man. I shouldn’t be out on calls all hours of the night just to reassure nervous girls. You should have asked the housekeeper her opinion about his condition. She may not be trained as a nurse, but she’s seen far more illness than you.”
“She was asleep,” I explained as I followed him down the stairs. “What about my stepfather calling me by my mother’s name? Why would he do that?”
“I’m sure it was just a slip of the tongue. Send a note tomorrow if he isn’t better, though I’m sure he will be.”
Once he was out the door, I went back upstairs not as reassured as I hoped I’d be. I decided I’d still talk to Dr. Rushailo when I got to the hospital in the morning. My stepfather would never consent to having a female doctor examine him, but she would be able to help me determine if there was something else I should do.
I walked to my room as the familiar pang hit me, the one where I wished I could talk to my mother. Right before she died, she asked me to promise that I’d take care of everyone. I’d said I would, not thinking at the time what that meant. I hadn’t even considered that I’d have to worry about my stepfather, and I’d just assumed that so many things took care of themselves, not realizing exactly how much my mother had done both with the hospital and at home. Every time I thought I had one problem solved, two more would appear. Dropping out of school had helped, though that hadn’t worked out exactly the way I’d expected either.
I’d been so naive not to realize that a war would make getting food and medicine so difficult, and I’d certainly never expected to have to worry about the Okhrana.
I wished the baron had never given me that piece of paper. I took it out of my glove and put it inside my Greek book. No one would pick up the book except me, so it was a safe hiding place until I could show it to the Tamms.
Once I closed the book, I thought I’d be able to take my mind off the paper, but it was as if I could see the words through the pages. I grabbed the book and put it on the top shelf of the armoire, then shut the door on it and made myself go to bed. I pushed the paper out of my mind by making a list in my head of things I needed to do the next day. I got to ten before I fell asleep.
I woke up to someone shaking my arm.
“Wake up, Lottie! Wake up! You’ve been sleeping for hours and hours and hours!” I recognized my sister Nika’s voice.