Clearly surprised by her words, the abbess stared at Gilda for a minute before saying, “The king asked for you by name, Gilda. I suspect he is pleased with the way in which you represented the church in the past. Besides, there is no one else as well equipped for the task. I’m sure Countess Mariel will be comfortable with you.”
Although flattered by Ermguerrd’s words, Gilda felt reluctant to be involved with Justin again. “Isn’t the Bishop of Mainz the most appropriate person to examine the matter?”
“Of course. But the bishop has close ties to Count Cedric. They rule Mainz together. The king believes that any findings from you and Lord Justin will be free of prejudice. You will report to Archbishop Humbert of Reims, who will make the final decision. That way Bishop Gunthar does not need to be involved.”
Justin, who had been silent since Gilda entered the room, spoke directly to her, forcing her to look at him. “I told the king you might be reluctant. But he insisted that I try to persuade you. Perhaps you can suggest an alternative from Saint Ives to take your place. I will make up an excuse for you and give it to the king.”
His reasonable tone and offer to speak to the king on her behalf annoyed her. Just like him to try and take charge. She had a blistering reply on the tip of her tongue but suddenly became aware of Ermguerrd watching her. “There is no need for you to speak for me, Lord Justin. You may tell the king I will accept the assignment.”
Lord Justin frowned. “Investigating this matter will require that we journey to Mainz.” He took a step closer to Gilda, and she had to fight the urge to step back. His voice lowered as he asked, “Are you sure you wish to do that?”
Refusing to be intimidated by his nearness, she replied, “Yes, I’m sure.” Her words sounded weak in her own ears, so she added in a stronger voice, “I look forward to seeing Mainz.”
Ermguerrd cleared her throat and brought their attention back to her. “Perhaps I should speak to Sister Gilda alone for a few minutes, Lord Justin. You know the way to the dining hall. You will find a refreshing drink there.”
When he was gone, Ermguerrd gestured for Gilda to sit and then seated herself behind her worktable. She glanced at a piece of parchment before her, giving them both a minute to think, and said, “Clearly there are strong feelings between you and Lord Justin. Do you wish to tell me why that is?”
“Justin and I clashed often during the recent domestic dispute you referred to, Reverend Mother. It’s only natural that there be some tension between us.”
When Gilda realized that Ermguerrd was waiting for her to continue, she added, “We seem to have completely different outlooks. Lord Justin, an advisor to the king, is one of his most powerful ministers. He looks at everything from a political point of view. My own sympathies are more directed to mending emotional problems than worrying about avoiding a political crisis. I suppose it’s natural our views are different.”
“And yet you held your own in your last assignment. The solution to the affair seems to have pleased the king. Perhaps it’s a mix that makes for a fair outcome.”
“Yes, in the end a compromise was reached,” Gilda admitted.
Ermguerrd nodded. “Your different outlooks account for some of the tension I observed. It might also account for why the king wishes to pair you. He will receive a well-rounded report.”
Ermguerrd paused, and Gilda knew the observant abbess wasn’t finished. The nuns often jested about the fact that Mother Superior could read their very soul. “Your brother is married to Lord Justin’s sister. I remember Lord Chetwynd and Lady Isabel well from the time they spent at Saint Ives. Their marriage gives you a more personal relationship to Lord Justin, does it not?”
“Yes. You could say that.”
“You recently visited your brother’s manor for the christening of their first child. Was Lord Justin there?”
Gilda closed her eyes for a minute, remembering the christening of little Natalie, the sweetest little babe she’d ever seen. It was an emotional event that had filled her with wonder. “Yes, he was there.”
“Did you and Lord Justin have a disagreement?”
Gilda sighed, eager to confess and be done with it. “Yes, and it was mainly my doing. I have often been outspoken, something you know I have been struggling to control.”
Concealing any surprise she might have felt, Ermguerrd said, “I know you have had problems in the past. But I thought you were doing well. What happened?”
Isabel shook her head, wondering if she could make Ermguerrd understand the situation. “The atmosphere at Aquis is different from anything I’ve experienced. Isabel and Chetwynd are extremely fond of each other. It’s evident to everyone. They touch each other all the time. And when they aren’t touching, they look at each other in a certain way. It’s been that way from the first time I saw them together.”
“Yes, I think I understand what you’re saying. Go on.”
“Justin and I went for a walk after becoming godparents to little Natalie. Isabel fancies herself a matchmaker. I’m sure she’s the one who arranged for me to be the godmother and Justin the godfather. I was feeling very moved by the christening, and I believe Justin was also touched by the experience. There seemed to be a bond between us, and we kissed.” Isabel paused, wondering again at her action. “It didn’t last long.”
“How did you feel about the kiss?”
“I didn’t like it.”
“Really. You were repulsed?”
“No.” Gilda wondered if she could put her feelings into words. Ermguerrd had a reputation for helping her charges. Now that she had started, Gilda was eager to be as truthful as possible in hope of some insight on the matter. “What I didn’t like was the loss of control. There was a melting inside me. I forgot everything but my desire to continue the kiss. I wanted to get closer, but Justin pulled away.”
Ermguerrd looked toward heaven for a few minutes as though searching for help. Facing the young nun again, she replied, “You are the most honest person I’ve ever known, Gilda.”
“Is it natural for a kiss to have that power? I felt like I was losing myself.”
“Yes, sometimes it is. Usually it’s not thought of as a problem. But I can understand how in this case you might see it as such.”
“Of course it’s a problem. I’m a nun.”
Ermguerrd nodded her head and smiled. “I know that.”
Gilda was puzzled by her amusement. “I haven’t seen Lord Justin alone since the kiss. Can you find a reason to withdraw me from the assignment? I was goaded into accepting when he offered to make my excuse to the king.”
“I’m not sure that’s the wisest plan . . .”
Gilda jumped to her feet. “But Mother Ermguerrd . . . I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have interrupted.”
Ermguerrd smiled. “Gilda, you’ve been with us since you were eight years old. You found a place for yourself quickly. I remember how upset you were when your father wanted you to marry. I supported you when your father wished you to marry when you turned twelve and again at fourteen. I know you enjoy the freedom you found here. But I think you have to experience a little more of the outside world before you make your final commitment to be a nun.”