“Fine, Applebee’s. I’ll tell them you’re thinking about buying a few franchises.”
“Do what you need to do.”
“There’s an Applebee’s in Midtown, you know.”
“There’s also one at the Hudson Mall, by the Hackensack River Waterfront. I’ll meet you there at two p.m.”
“You want to have dinner with my parents at two o’clock in the afternoon.”
“We could skip the whole thing, if you prefer.”
“Fine, two o’clock,” Clancy concedes.
“I’ll meet you there,” I say.
“No way, buster. We’ll pick you up here at one-thirty.”
“Why?”
“Why? Because I’m not dragging my parents out to an Applebee’s at the Hudson Mall and then having no way to get in touch with you if something comes up.”
“Okay, fine.”
“Fine,” Clancy says in a snooty voice. Then she walks over to Sluggo, gives him a friendly peck on the cheek. “Take care of this one for me, Sluggo,” she whispers, placing her hand innocently on his chest.
“You know I will, cutie-pie.” Sluggo has an erection, which he is taking no pains to hide because he knows that a lady like Clancy isn’t going to glance down at his crotch.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you Friday, one-thirty,” Clancy says, walking over to me. She leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek, which I can oblige out of politeness, and then she shifts her head at the last minute, planting one right on my mouth. And I guess I’m so used to kissing her for so many years that I just start kissing her. But only for a second. Maybe two. Within which time she is able to deftly work her tongue into my mouth before I can pull my head back. Our faces separate for a just a second and then she flexes up on her tiptoes, gives me another kiss on the lips. Not a peck, a real kiss. Just no tongue this time.
“So, I’ll see you Friday, then?” I say, dumbly.
“Sure it’s not just a phase,” she says, swaying her butt as she walks out the door. “You are so funny, baby.”
Chapter Four
“You so stupid, man.”
“Why are we here, anyway?” Where we are is at a cash-only bar called Mike’s Place on the West Side of Jersey City. That’s the side closer to the rest of New Jersey than it is to Manhattan. It’s less than four miles from my building, Jersey City not being very wide. And actually, it’s only a few blocks from the Applebee’s at Hudson Mall, where I somehow made plans to eat with Clancy and her parents on Friday afternoon.
“Don’t change the subject,” Sluggo snaps. “What were we talking about… oh, right. You are so stupid.”
“I assume you took me here for a reason? Seeing as you could have told me how stupid I am back at the building.”
“You’ve sunk low, Dan.”
“Have I?”
“Scraping bottom.”
“Did Clancy put you up to this talk we’re having?”
“She did not. We’re having this talk because I care about you, dude. Also, there are some people I might want you to meet. Depending on where your head is at following our conversation.”
“Oh.” I don’t bother to ask who are the people Sluggo has dragged me across town to meet. In a former life, I would have thought it had something to do with business. But, as I’ve divorced myself entirely from the world of business, I can only imagine that these people Sluggo wants me to meet are some variety of neighborhood freak show. Which is fine. It’s not like I’ve got anything else to do this afternoon. “Where are they?”
“We have to go to them, if and when I think it’s necessary. But first, let’s talk. Just you and me, man. One on one, everything on the table.”
“I’m not attracted to you, Sluggo.”
“You know I’m not gay, Dan.”
“Really? I wouldn’t have a problem with it, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“You know I’m not gay because I am so totally and completely obsessed with Clancy.”
“Ah.”
“You know that I am fully rock hard almost every time I’m around her,” Sluggo says with easy candor.
“I do?”
“Yeah, I’ve seen you check me out.”
“You have,” statement, not a question.
“Sure. But I’m not implying there’s anything gay about it. You’re just like, whoa, what’s this guy with a full-on erection doing hanging around my girlfriend.”
“Okay, yeah. That’s accurate. But Clancy’s not my girlfriend anymore. If you dragged me out here to ask me if I’m all right with you asking Clancy out on a date, the answer is yes. I’m fine with it.”
“Don’t be an idiot,” Sluggo says disparagingly. “Clancy would never date me. I’m a pig.”
“Your self-awareness is inspiring.”
“Look, I got a good thing going with Clancy. And I don’t want you to ruin it.”
“Okay, you’re going to have to explain that to me.”
“Sure, let me spell it out. As long as Clancy is your girlfriend, I get to hang around with her solely because I am your best friend.”
“You’re not my best friend, Sluggo.”
“These days, I’m your best friend.”
“I’ll concede your point to move this discussion along.”