“See you at the altar baby,” Damon whispered, kissing me one last time.
The two friends backed away together, smiling like they’d jointly committed some secret crime. The scent of them lingered deliciously, even after they’d ducked through the tent flap.
That’s when I finally started breathing again.
You’re absolutely insane! my mind raced to chastise me. What if someone had walked in? What if—
“Addison!”
I glanced up, my nerves shot, my heart pumping like mad. My arms were still smoothing the last of the wrinkles from my dress, as Miuria strode in and took my hand.
“You alright?”
I nodded sheepishly. “Fine.”
“What’s wrong? You look nervous.”
I shrugged her off. “Jitters.”
“You?” Miuria laughed. “Jitters?”
“Well it is my wedding.”
I felt a little bad, lying to my best friend. But the alternative…
“Everyone’s all lined up and ready,” Miuria announced happily. “Except for the groom and the best man. No one can find them yet, but they’ll turn up.”
“Maybe they took off together,” I tried to laugh. “Like in the movies.”
Miuria’s face went a little bit serious. “Have you seen yourself in the mirror lately?”
She smiled, and the one simple act calmed me down. The shaking in my legs stopped.
“Any guy would be batshit crazy to stand you up,” my friend grinned, leading me from the tent. “Especially in that dress!”
Ten
ADDISON
My wedding was beautiful in its simplicity. A quick, graceful exchange of vows under the bright summer sun, followed by applause, congratulations, and an outdoor reception that started immediately.
I walked down the aisle alone, although not for lack of offers. My father had abandoned us while my sisters and I were fairly young. The twins, Ashley and Emily, had each other, and Cora had the same air of detachment she’d inherited from our mother. It wasn’t exactly a lack of love, but more of an unwillingness or inability to display affection. We’d grown up that way. It was all we knew.
Unfortunately that left me mostly alone. Looking for a level of attention I could never attain. My mother was busy raising four girls on her own, and didn’t even date again until we were all out of high school. She was too busy for most things I needed, and being the youngest I was forced to grow up fast. All throughout my childhood, I remembered being held to a much higher standard of maturity than most other girls my age.
Maybe for that reason, I refused my mother, my sisters, or even one of Damon’s handsome brothers to give me away. I’d made it to where I was on my own, without any help. To take those last few steps on the arm of someone else would belittle my own self-reliance. In my eyes, anyway.
As I got older, I realized I was very different from the rest of my family. Cora was always aloof, and because of our age difference generally saw me as a nuisance. Ashley and Emily were closer, but they had their own little clique. They’d left the house for good the second they turned eighteen, and moved around a lot. As good as it was to see them, I tempered my expectations with reality. The twins were more excited to be back in town seeing old friends than they were to attend my wedding.
And then there was Damon.
My now-husband was the polar opposite of everything I’d known. He was warm, loving, affectionate. Always surrounding himself with friends and family, constantly the life of any party. Where my own family were loners looking to spend time by themselves, Damon invited me into his world of people he wasn’t even related to who he considered extended family. Saxon, for one. Finnegan, for another. His best friends became my best friends, and the four of us hung out together so often they became a permanent extension of our own relationship.
Even with Finnegan flitting in and out of our lives, he was there more often than not. And Damon was always best when he was around his friends. Yes, we were happy as a couple. And yes, he was as romantic as any man could ever hope to be. Still, the level of excitement was always bumped up a notch when Saxon and Finn were around. There was more laughter, more fun. The smiles were broader, the good times that much more impactful.
In a way, it was like having a family. The family I never had.
It was odd too, because most guys I’d dated had wanted me to themselves. Our romances were often short-lived, closed-circle universes where our attentions remained only on each other. Most girls I knew envied that type of relationship. They had boyfriends who spent ‘too much’ time with friends, and they envied any kind of fun their lovers might have without them.
I could never understand that way of thinking. It seemed like a lonely way to live.
That’s why you and Damon are so perfect together. You both want the same things.
These types of thoughts floated through my head all day, as I enjoyed what turned out to be the most beautiful of all weddings. Instead of a dark dreary hall, everyone was outside. Instead of patterned carpets and parquet floors, people were dancing — often barefoot — through the green summer grass.
I watched Ashely and Emily flit like butterflies through the crowd, enjoying themselves immensely. Even Cora eventually smiled, after four or five drinks from one of the stand-up bars. My mother primped and preened in front of her friends, happier than I’d seen her in years as her new boyfriend followed her around like a lost puppy dog. She was probably more proud of having pulled enough strings to set up such a beautiful venue than she was of me actually getting married, but I shared in her joy nonetheless.
As the long day turned to evening, the sunset was golden. We retreated beneath a big lighted tent, while the music continued to play and fireflies lit the sky. The main table where I sat with my amazing new husband was set up for the entire bridal party. All minus one empty chair, which was left intentionally open.
The chair where Finnegan would be.
I caught Damon glancing at the spot more than once. Every time he did I’d squeeze his hand, or drag him out onto the field we were using as a dance floor and hold his body against mine.
“He’d be here if he could,” I told him, swaying softly. “You know that, right?”
“I know.”
It wasn’t much in the way of comfort, but it was something. And Saxon sensed it too. More than that, our best man caught my eye, and we took turns distracting Damon together. Talking and laughing about some of the best times the four of us had had, whether we were roaming the city or renting a cabin upstate or even venturing to the end of Long Island.
“Remember that time we went to Montauk?” Saxon offered, “And Finn booked us that tiny hotel without air conditioning?”
I joined in with a smile. “And then he bought that shitty plastic fan? And like three bags of ice?”
Damon laughed at the memory. “Halfway through the night the ice was a puddle of warm water, leaking out all over the bed. That was funny.”
“Yeah, funny for you guys,” Saxon grinned at us. “You weren’t the one sharing the bed with him.”
“Didn’t you both sleep out on the balcony after that?” I asked.
“Yeah,” groaned Saxon. “And we woke up with a thousand mosquito bites.”