The End of Me (The Downfall of Us #1)(4)
Author: Claudia Burgoa

 

“How?” I ask with a calmer tone.

 

“One breath at a time,” she says. The bed sinks on the left side. I guess she’s going to give me another lecture. “Pipe, this path, the one you’re about to take, won’t be smooth. It’s going to be hard to survive it. But you’re strong enough to do it.”

 

She’s wrong. I’m not.

 

“It feels like I’m dying,” I sob, and I hate how easily I cry. That’s why I can’t be the person everyone expects. It’s just so hard to breathe without him.

 

To be without him.

 

I don’t think I can exist anymore.

 

“I would give anything to take this pain away, Ladybug,” Mom whispers.

 

“Just bring him back to me,” I beg between sobs.

 

“He’ll come back,” she assures me. Instead of making me move, Mom lies next to me, hugging me and letting me cry.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Three

 

 

 

 

 

Piper

 

 

April 3rd

 

One month.

 

After his disappearance, Archer’s mother organizes a funeral. She sends me the invitation with an RSVP. I decline, reminding her he’s still alive.

 

She sends me a note letting me know that I’m wrong and she needs to let him go.

 

I don’t reply to her note. When he returns, she’ll have to work hard to make amends with him—I won’t help her.

 

Maybe I’m being too harsh, but shouldn’t a mother have more faith in her son’s fate?

 

Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only person who believes Archer will return.

 

My family and Archer’s are pretty close, and because of their friendship, all the Deckers go to the funeral. I pretend I’m going too, but instead, I drive to our house in Seattle.

 

It’s only thirty minutes from my parents’ place. The last time we were here was the day before he left for the mission. This house was our future. The plan was to spend our twenties in New York and move close to our family when we were ready to have babies.

 

Still, we furnished it and decorated it as if we lived here full-time.

 

When I enter through the garage, the scent of home hits me right in the chest. It still smells like chocolate and vanilla. It’s been three months since he last made pancakes and baked chocolate muffins that would last me at least six months. He left a lot of them in the freezer. I only took a few with me to New York.

 

God, I can’t believe it’s been three months without him.

 

I enter the living room and look at the wall where I have a dozen frames of us. A recollection of our time together. From the first day when we started preschool until last Christmas.

 

I trace all his features with my index finger the same way I do every morning when I wake up and every night before I cry myself to sleep.

 

“Where are you, Arch?”

 

There’s no answer, just the soundless uncertainty of the future and the pain of the present.

 

A tear rolls down as the deafening silence squeezes my lungs, sucking all the air out of them. I can barely breathe. I drop to the floor, feeling like I’m about to die. I pull my legs close to my chest and hug them. I pray for this to be over. I don’t want to exist in a place where Archer is no longer with me.

 

“Please come back,” I beg between sobs. “I just need you to be back with me.”

 

I don’t know how long I cry, but at some point, the door’s sensor chimes, alerting me that someone is in the house. A moment later, a male voice says, “Here she is.”

 

A pair of strong arms pick me up. When I open my eyes, I notice it’s one of my favorite people, my cousin Gabe.

 

“Breathe, Pipe,” he says, concern etched on his face. “Bring water, Seth. I bet she’s dehydrated.”

 

I’m having trouble breathing or speaking. My legs and arms tingle.

 

“What’s happening to her?” This time it’s Jude’s voice.

 

“Another panic attack? She’s crying a lot and not drinking enough water? Who knows? I don’t have much experience as a doctor yet, and it’s unethical to treat my family. I can’t believe no one noticed she disappeared until now, fuck.” Gabe’s voice is loud and angry. “Didn’t I say we needed to have someone watching her twenty-four-seven?”

 

“It was Arch’s funeral,” Jude says defensively. “We left immediately.”

 

“He’s not dead,” I sob.

 

“Pipe.” Gabe sighs with such sadness I begin to cry even more.

 

“Jude, we don’t say his name,” Seth chides Jude.

 

“There’s so much censorship here.” Jude’s voice doesn’t have the usual lightness to it. I bet he’s just as sad as the rest of us.

 

Archer was part of our group. He was like a brother to these three, and now…

 

“He’s not dead,” Seth insists. “I would know, just like her.”

 

“How?” Gabe questions.

 

“It’s complicated, okay? When you’re so close to someone, you can feel their energy, even though they’re thousands of miles away from you,” I explain, and Seth nods in agreement.

 

“Fine, we’ll shut up.” Gabe exhales out loud.

 

Once I calm down, I ask, “What are you three doing here?”

 

“Looking for you,” Seth answers. “You said you were going to the funeral.”

 

I shake my head. “No, I said I was going to say goodbye.”

 

“To the house?” Jude arches an eyebrow.

 

I grimace. “No. To wallow in self-pity?”

 

The three of them burst into laughter.

 

Gabe gives me the look. The one that says stop bullshitting me and tell me what the fuck is wrong with you.

 

“Why are you here?” Gabe flicks both eyebrows up.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe I hoped he’d be waiting for me,” I almost pout.

 

“The fridge is empty. Unless I’m allowed to touch the golden muffins in the freezer,” Jude complains. “I’m fucking starving. Should we order pizza?”