The End of Me (The Downfall of Us #1)(3)
Author: Claudia Burgoa

 

“That’s a promise,” Pa confirms. “In the meantime, you have to continue with your life.”

 

“I don’t know if I can.”

 

“You should stay with us,” Mom chimes in. “The kids will be happy to have you with us.”

 

It’d be nice to be around Kip, Keith, and Winter. Will Greyson call home while I’m around? I haven’t seen him since he left for Vienna two months ago.

 

“It’s just for a few days,” I mumble.

 

“Have you been in touch with the St. Jameses?” Mom asks.

 

I shrug. Even though I adore Archer’s family, I don’t have the energy to speak to them right now. “His family has texted me, but I haven’t had the time to respond.”

 

“Don’t crack a joke,” Dad warns, and I’m assuming he’s stopping Pa from saying something silly to lighten the mood.

 

“The St. Jameses love you, just as we love Archer,” Mom reminds me. “Don’t push them away, sweetie. They’re part of the family.”

 

“I know,” I mumble instead of telling her I’m not ready to be there for them.

 

Archer is the one who kept the family together after their parents’ divorce. Donovan and Florence’s separation was messy and too public. His sister Teddy, who was unaware of their terrible marriage, had a nervous breakdown. His five brothers expected the fallout but didn’t react well when it happened.

 

Since then, Archer has been the rock his brothers and sister lean on. I help the best I can. My mind knows I have to step into the role of their guide and protector, but I’m not there just yet, and I hope Archer arrives before I need to step into his role.

 

“I’ll reach out soon,” I say. “Just give me a few more days, please.”

 

 

 

 

 

March 19th

 

Grief is defined as deep sorrow.

 

It violently sweeps everything you build and leaves you under the debris of pain and misery. Time doesn’t matter when the grief sucks us into its web, tangling us with the threat of squeezing us tightly until we can’t breathe.

 

Grief leaves us stuck in a moment, unable to move.

 

It’s been two weeks since I received the news that Archer was missing. Fourteen long days of being afraid for his life and our future. Though I still feel his heart, I haven’t dreamt of him. It’s like his body is alive, but his mind is gone.

 

My parents have been patient with me. They enter my room every morning with coffee, breakfast, and even a new activity for us to do during the day. I can barely eat. I drag myself from the bed to the bathroom when it’s strictly necessary. Pa installs a television in my room so we can binge-watch shows. I cry most of the time because something always reminds me of Archer.

 

Mostly I play the videos I have on my phone of Archer and his last voicemail.

 

“Hi, baby. We landed in Brasilia. We’re about to turn our phones over to our handler. I promise to call you as soon as I’m done with this assignment. Afterward, we’re going on a trip. It’s going to be just you and me wherever you want to visit. I love you from here to GN-z11 and back.”

 

I chuckle every time I hear my geek say that he loves me to the oldest and farthest galaxy from the Earth.

 

“I love you more,” I mumble.

 

Like every day, I send a text to Uncle Mason. Have you found him yet?

 

Uncle M: We’re still looking. Stay strong.

 

 

 

 

 

Archer is somewhere in the Amazon waiting to be rescued. I just know it. He has to be alive.

 

“Piper,” Mom says as she enters my childhood room. “Florence St. James is downstairs with Zach and Burke. They’d like to speak to you.”

 

Two of Archer’s brothers are here, the twins. Aren’t they supposed to be in Boston? She probably gathered them all. I should check on Teddy, she must be scared and dealing with her mom. Don’t get me wrong, Florence is lovely, but she doesn’t know how to be a mother to her only daughter.

 

Even though I know what I should do, I just can’t. Hopefully Seth is with her. I send him a quick text.

 

Piper: Can you check on Teddy?

 

 

 

 

 

Seth: I’m with her.

 

 

 

 

 

Piper: Please don’t leave her alone. I can’t be there for her right now, but Archer would want us to support her.

 

 

 

 

 

Seth: How are you?

 

 

 

 

 

Piper: I don’t know how to be.

 

 

 

 

 

Seth: We’ll find him.

 

 

 

 

 

Piper: When?

 

 

 

 

 

Seth: I don’t know, but we will. In the meantime, call me if you need me.

 

 

 

 

 

“Piper, Florence is downstairs,” Mom repeats.

 

I shake my head. “I can’t.”

 

“You can’t stay in your room forever.”

 

Oh, but I can, and maybe I will until Archer gets back.

 

I pull the covers over my head. “Wake me up when Archer is home.”

 

“I know it’s hard.”

 

I snort. “That’s the understatement of the year. He’s lonely and probably hurt, Mom. We need to find him.”

 

“They will, but in the meantime, you have to keep living.”

 

Uncovering myself, I glare at Mom. If looks could kill, I might’ve killed my mother by accident. “How?”

 

“Anger, we finally step into the second stage of grief,” she calmly says. “I don’t know if that’s good.”

 

“I’m not in denial, Mom. He’s alive. I’m angry because no one is letting me go and search for him.” I hide under my comforter again.

 

“They’ll find him. Meanwhile, you have to continue your life.”