A ball of lead lands like an explosive in the pit of my stomach, bringing me to my knees.
Logan grabs my shoulder. “You okay, Zedd?”
I look up with wet eyes. “Weeks?”
Don’t be a baby, Zedd. Did you really expect to be ready after a few days?
Logan sighs and he drops to sit down in front of me, stretching his long legs out in front of him. He tilts his head to the side. “Zedd, have you ever heard the saying, ‘we’re only as good as our weakest link?’” When I don’t respond, he carries on, “When it comes to our mate ties, if we see one of our brothers or our mate in danger, we will sacrifice our lives for each other without a moment of hesitation. We have to. Selfishness doesn’t come into play with a family like ours.”
Nodding, I absorb his words. I think about giving my life for my family. Without a doubt, I would do it.
He leans back on his hands. “As hard as it is to hear, that’s why you can’t go yet. You would all be laying down your lives for each other, trying to compensate for someone who hasn’t come into their powers enough yet. The true strength of a unit comes when everyone can trust each other to handle their own battles.”
My immediate response is, “But what if it’s an unequal battle and they can’t handle it on their own?”
He shakes his head and my brow furrows. “You have to trust that they’ll let you know when they need help. It isn’t your job to scan for who needs rescuing at all times. It isn’t your job to protect everyone.” He shrugs. “It’s their job to know their own limits, keep their egos in check, and ask for help when they need it. When you’re honest with yourselves and each other, that’s when you become truly powerful. That’s when you’re ready.”
His words wash over me and I try to accept them. Logically, I know he’s right but the emotional side of me is resisting the truth in what he’s saying. Will I ever be able to not worry about them? And in battle? It seems impossible.
“Look,” Logan says, “I know it doesn’t make sense right now, but I promise you that this training isn’t a waste of your time. Once we’re done with you, when you rejoin Lana, you’ll be able to stand by her side and trust that you can handle anything that comes your way—together.”
I chuckle. “I didn’t peg you as the motivational speaker of the bunch.”
Makes sense. With someone as crazy as Serenity as their center, someone needs to bring the logic to their group.
Lana’s cheeky grin and crazy sass flashes in my mind and I fall on my back on the ground, grinning up at the ceiling.
We definitely have a crazy girl as well.
I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Chapter Three
Ash
How can I feel pain here, captive, passenger in my own body? The image of Lana, broken and battered by my hands, overcomes me. All I feel in this darkness is agony.
I swore to protect her.
How could I let this sadistic bastard put his hands on her? I let him take from her, steal a moment so precious and twist it into a memory that will leave a black mark on her for the rest of her life. All she’ll see when she looks at me will be the man who slaughtered her kingdom in their first life and the man who raped her in this one.
I’m responsible. I should have fought harder against him. I should have sought help earlier. If I hadn’t been so blinded by my ego, maybe the outcome would have been different. But no, I just didn’t want to ‘weaken’ myself enough to ask for help.
How will I ever regain her trust now? I don’t fucking know. But I know that I will go to the ends of the universe and destroy whoever the fuck stands in the way of my mate and me.
No. Sorrow settles in me.
The realization hits that I was never her mate to begin with. I wasn't one of her unit in her previous life and, after everything that has happened, everything that I have let happen, I sure as hell don't deserve to be by her side in this one.
What place do I hold in her life? What purpose do I have? There is nothing that I can do for her, nothing that I bring to her.
But I love her. While I’m not her true mate, my soul loves her.
I find my new resolve. The only thing I can do for her now is to take Anshar out. Even if that means giving up my own life.
The sound of glass shattering draws my attention back to the present. Shards of the black glass that held wine in it moments before, lie scattered on the floor, the liquid pooled around it like a bloodbath.
Anshar rages about Lana’s absence and I breathe a sigh of relief, glad that I have more time.
I've hovered in the corner of our shared mind since we came to this realm three days ago, observing Anshar to try to find a weakness to exploit. In such little time, it's become glaringly obvious that he’s unfit to rule.
He’s unhinged.
That's saying something since all the dark fae are a bunch of sick bastards. With how sadistic they all are, I would’ve thought they’d flock to Anshar and idolize him, but they don’t.
Anshar is under the delusion that he’s in control but I notice the way Sebastian curls his lip at him in disgust. Anshar is blind to the real ruler here.
In the forty years of Anshar’s absence, Sebastian has run this kingdom and wiped out the majority of the resistance from the light fae. He clearly has the respect of the men working for them. In the war room meetings that Anshar has insisted on holding for the past few days, the men turned to Sebastian as Anshar tried to establish new tactics, silently showing where their loyalty belongs.
Sebastian might be the weakness I was looking for.
It's only a matter of time until he and the generals turn on Anshar and I’m certain it will end in our death. I'm okay with that. I've accepted it as the best solution.
I'd rather these men kill us than Lana having to do it.
In my heart, I know she wouldn't be able to follow through and her hesitation will get her killed.
The room remains silent, no one daring to openly question their ‘leader’ yet.
A swish of a skirt draws our eyes to the doorway, a busty redhead filling the entrance.
Great.
The newest Lana wannabe for him to distract himself with. It never works. He always ends up in a rage and kills them. The first night was soul-destroying to witness my hands doling out the violent death.
When we’d crossed realms to come into this world, I raged like a madman, telling him to choke on a sweaty donkey dick, screaming I was going to find a way to kill him, even if that meant my own death.
He shoved me into what I consider solitary confinement, confining me to utter blackness, an unending abyss. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is where I was when I blacked out previously.
In the days that passed, however little they may have been, it felt like my connection to my body was fading, like I was further and further away. I was becoming nothing, barely existing.
As his infuriation with me subsided, the tight lid on the solitary lifted as he lost his firm grip on it. I tucked myself into the far corner of our mind, undetected, biding my time until I better understand our dual soul and how it works.
I can’t afford to anger him right now and find lose my tether.
Watching the life drain from the women’s eyes reminded me that it could be Lana and, multiple times, I’ve had to reel in my anger, cautious of not alerting him and being shoved back into the abyss. I can't risk it. I have to hold on until I'm sure he isn't a threat to her anymore.