Maybe she doesn’t like the ring?
I open my mouth to speak but she places a finger over my mouth. “Oh, Anshar,” she says, her voice distraught. My heart sinks as she closes her eyes, only to open them and reveal the tide of sadness resting there. “You will always, always hold a place in my heart. But it can only be as my dearest friend—not as more. You are one of the greatest men that I have ever known and you will make a woman so incredibly happy one day. She will love you, the way that you deserve.”
I feel myself crumbling as I fall back into a sitting position on the cobblestone ground, completely numb to her words.
It doesn’t make sense. Never once did this possibility cross my mind.
How could it turn out like this?
How can she not realize that she will never find anyone who will love her as fiercely as I do?
I’d give my life for her. I’d make sure that any wish or demand is fulfilled in a heartbeat and never settle until she sleeps with a smile on her face every night.
The voice comes back to whisper in my mind, “I told you she wouldn’t make the right choice. She doesn’t respect you as an equal. You aren’t powerful enough to stand by her side as a king. I can still help you with that. Accept my offer.”
How did I have it so wrong? How could she reject me?
Her hand reaches for mine but I strike it away, locking eyes with her, letting her see my pain, monumental next to hers.
She sits back on her legs, defeated. “Anshar, please. I know this must hurt but you mean so much to me. That hasn’t changed. I will always want you in my life.”
But not as your husband. Not as your equal. How could you do this to us?
I watch the space between us, as deep and impassable as a gaping chasm. She ripped my heart from my chest, shattered it, and placed the shards between us to view and admire like artwork.
Something dark and twisted coils in the empty space in my chest. A cold rage creeps through my veins, the edges of my vision blackening. Resolve settles within me.
“I accept your offer,” I acquiesce. “We will complete the ritual tonight. I will prove to her that only I am capable of standing by her side. The way she needs and the way she deserves.”
Oslana’s eyes widen as she takes a guarded step back, concern crossing her face. “Anshar, why did your eyes flash black?”
A low chuckle settles in my chest. “You’ll regret this, Oslana. I will prove to you that I am the only one for you.”
I won’t let anyone else have you.
Chapter One
Lana
Silver threads of lightning streak through the darkened clouds looming in front of me. I anticipate the harsh boom of thunder that claps as I continue across the deserted land, devastated by the evidence of the desolation before me. What has my realm turned into in my absence?
Though I’m not sure what my next step will be, past the one that I’m taking right now, I’m hoping I can figure it out quickly. Right now, all I know is that if I stop walking or allow my mind to wander, my fragile mental walls will come crumbling down.
A crunch sounds loudly beneath my feet, echoing in my ears. I avoid looking down. I already know what lies beneath me—skeletons piled up, some fae, some animal. I wonder how many are from the battle that ended my first life.
What happened after Anshar and I perished in that battle? How many battles have been fought since then?
Where is the breathtaking beauty that knocked the breath from my lungs when I visited with Gaia? The white oak kingdom with its sweeping arches and open windows—where is my safe space, the beacon of safety for my people? In my past life, I used to gaze out of those windows, breathing in the tranquil air that made me who I was, soothing whatever issue had nestled its way into my mind that day.
Moving a stray strand of copper hair away from my face, I glance around, trying to find a familiar landmark to orientate myself. I feel as if I've been walking for hours, yet staying stuck in the exact same spot I started in.
Damn those fucking dark fae. The once majestic landscape seems entirely disfigured, devoid of its trademark sloping hills and forest.
I hang my head, memories of my past life assaulting me. This was my home, my life. And yet, I feel nothing here. No connection to my past, to this once-beautiful place, except a distant, pulsing grief and rage. There’s nothing here I can recognize.
This disconnection, this feeling of wrongness—is this how Ash feels, sharing a body with Anshar?
No. No!
I urge myself not to go there but my chest constricts with the pain that lances my heart as the reminder of my imprisoned mate beats me down, knocking the breath from my lungs. My eyes burn with tears that promise to rush from me, threatening to break the façade of strength that I built like a shield. Who am I trying to fool? Myself?
A groan rips from my throat as I grip my head and pull on my hair, tugging at the roots to redirect my mind to anything else.
Don't go there, Lana.
But he’s all I can see—Ash. My Ash. One face, two souls. One, I love fiercely, with every fiber of my being; the other, I'd love to castrate and choke on his own dismembered, flaccid dick.
He took Ash from me. How am I supposed to recover from that? And how in the fuck am I supposed to recover from—
My breaths come in rapid succession as I spiral into the flashback of last night that hasn’t fucking stopped tormenting me.
He violated me.
My head smashed into the pillow, the pressure from his thrusts, the weight of his body on my back.
His voice echoes in my head. I am your everything.
No.
My knees hit the ground as my legs buckle. My fingers dig into the dirt, clinging for solid ground. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to rein in the tears that are streaming down my face, uncaring about the pressure on my hands and nails as I fist my hands into the bones in the dirt.
My throat catches against the phantom feel of his cock pressing at the back of it, my head bobbing up and down the length of him. I like being the reason you make noises, Ash.
A strangled sob escapes my mouth as I choke on a defeated cry. I will never get that piece of myself back.
"How fucking dare you!" I scream into the void of my dead realm, the full extent of the violation enveloping me in its suffocating embrace.
“You’re mine, Oslana,” he whispered as I lowered myself onto him.
My arms give out and I fall onto the ground, my forehead against the dirt, against the skeletons of the people that I killed in my past life. My arrogance did that. Not Anshar. He may have pulled the trigger, but my people wouldn’t have been in point-blank proximity if I hadn’t called for them to be by my side.
As the weight of my failures and defilement crushes me, I curl into a fetal position. Sobs wrack my body, my broken ribs piercing me from the inside, the sharp edges of dried and brittle bones biting into my face, but the pain has nothing on the agony assailing my heart and mind.
I need Beth. I can’t do this.
I need Beth to hold me, crush me against her chest, promise that I can get through this. I need her trust in my strength when I have never felt weaker—not even after Rafael. She promised that I’m a survivor, but I feel closer to death than I have ever been.
As the plea for respite rests at the tip of my tongue and I weep for my trauma, my heart splinters.