My eyes strayed to my bedroom door, and I wondered what the men I'd left there had done. Was it too late to ask them to fake some kind of debauchery? Could I just carry on pretending like I had for most of my life? Could I ask those men to give up their lives for that kind of charade?
Knock knock knock.
I startled on the bench at the alert and my tired eyes widened.
"Princess, it is—it is Thao," the soft voice whispered through the door. "May we speak?"
My legs were stiff as I unfolded them, stretching up from my nest of pillows and cool window panes, heading for the door. I ran my fingers across the pale velvet of my settee, a reassuring touch to ground myself before reaching the door and turning the key in the lock. I opened it, and my eyes trailed past Thao and into the room. Aric Martin was asleep on the chaise, hunched under his own coat with his back to me. In my bed, Owen and Cosmo lay sleeping, sprawled out in the sheets, mismatched curls over their faces.
Wendell Pope was awake and hovering by Thao's side, the pair of them looking as restless as I was.
"I haven't really made a decision," I admitted.
Wendell, who was a little taller than the prince, set his hand on Thao's shoulder. "Actually, we felt we owed you an explanation."
My heart hammered briefly. Another revelation was the last thing I wanted to deal with, especially so early in the morning. But I stepped back, and Thao and Wendell were quick to squeeze their way in through the parted door, Thao taking it from me and closing it behind himself, my eyebrows jumping at his forwardness.
"If you're about to try and seduce me—" I started. Wendell had been a little pushy the night before, at least compared to Owen or Cosmo. Especially compared to Aric, who'd barely bothered to hide his absolute loathing of me when he wasn't cradling me in his arms.
"Not at all, princess," Wendell said, stepping and bowing again. "In fact, I wanted to explain why I was so…insistent on being one of your Chosen."
I sighed and nodded, moving to my couch and gesturing for them to take the chairs. "Very well. It might be moot at this point. I'm not sure that a princess without the Hunger even needs Chosen."
Wendell and Thao both fidgeted their way into a set of armchairs that faced me, and it wasn't until their hands met in the space between that I had any notion of what was coming.
"Ambassador Pope is my lover," Thao said, straight backed and chin high, eyes locked to mine. "I knew the negotiations between our families would ensure my place here, and the only way to have Wen with me—"
"Was if he were Chosen," I finished for him, eyes widening and heart gentling. I sighed and softened into my seat. "I understand. But what happens if I have no Chosen?"
Thao's eyes lowered to his lap, and Wendell's fingers squeezed around the prince's. "Thao's family had a marriage arranged for him in Jyndan as an alternative. I would remain Kimmery's ambassador to Mennary no doubt."
And the lovers would be separated. My lips parted as I looked between the two men, the weight of my unmade decision growing heavier.
"I don't…I don't know what to do," I admitted, exhaustion dredging up tears in my eyes once again.
Thao stood and crossed to me, helping himself to a seat next to mine and reaching for my cold fingers, wrapping them up in warmer hands. His black hair was loose around his face, strong chin dipping so he could meet my eyes.
"I was nervous for the choosing, whether Wendell found a place or not. The queen's line is notoriously possessive, and being chosen posed as many risks for my love as being separated did."
"I would never have tried to force the two of you apart," I said.
Thao's lips quirked. "Your sister, Camellia, likely would have if we'd arrived at her ceremony and not yours. I only want to say that…that if you wish to be a ruler to your kingdom, Hunger or not, Chosen or not, I will support you." He and Wendell exchanged a soft, appreciative smile between them, and my heart swelled. I might not feel a passion for the men individually, but I did have a wistful kind of longing for what they shared. And a desire to protect it.
"I don't know what will happen when I confess to my family, but I'll do my best to demand a place in my court for the both of you so you don't have to worry," I said.
Wendell's eyes winced, and he looked doubtful, but Thao beamed at me, dark eyes bright and clear, his hands squeezing around mine.
"I believe there is some record of members of the queen's line not taking part in the choosing, princess," Wendell said. "I don't know what became of those people, but if you can find anything written on them, it may offer you some guidance."
I groaned and pulled free of Thao's hold, rolling my shoulders and sitting up straight. "Then I'd better go searching now. The maids will be in soon with breakfast and to take the sheets. Try not to let Aric terrorize them."
I wasn't sure how I felt about the older man. He'd done his best to be harsh with me, to be cold or rude, but he'd been honest when others insisted on tiptoeing and I was grateful for the change. And he'd been so…tender when I'd fallen to pieces. I hadn't finished processing that feeling of being held, I only knew that I was curious about the dichotomy of the man.
"I'm sure he'll do his best," Wendell said, dark and dry as I headed for the doors that led to the hall.
"I should've known I'd find you rutting up against a bookshelf rather than your Chosen."
I was sweating, climbing down the ladder in the library with an armful of royal history texts, when Camellia snapped and I nearly fell right to the marble tile.
My younger sister was in the center of the room, leaning up against a large, gleaming oak table, with one of her Chosen—I think his name was Sam—curled against her side, his hand in her hair and his mouth on her neck. Camellia's hips were twisted in his direction, her hand clamped on the back of his neck as her hooded eyes watched me, looking ready to fall shut. Any minute, and I was sure she'd be bent over the table, making as much noise as she liked as her Chosen served her from behind.
Camellia had taken great pleasure—great pleasure—in taunting me since she'd taken Chosen, fucking them in the garden below my windows while I was trying to read, nearly choking on her soup at dinner while one feasted on her below the table, taking up the public staircases with a pair of twins.
"Grandmother is looking for you," Camellia said, sighing as Sam ducked to suck along the collar of her dress.
I wanted to ask why she bothered dressing at all, except I was afraid it might just goad her into forgoing clothing.
I didn't find shame in public sex. My family had a history of performing it freely. But there was something in Camellia's habit of it that seemed cruelly focused on mocking me. If she'd been more absorbed in her Chosen than she was in making me a witness, I might not have minded so much.
"Mother is with her," Camellia added as I started to pass her. Her hair was up, or had been at some point, the color a lighter shade than mine and strands full of tangles. "Bry-bry, what have you done now?"
"Very little that should concern you," I said.
I stopped in my step and crossed my arms around the books I cradled, watching Sam ruck up Camellia's thin white skirt. It was a little stained, and his eyes slid away from Camellia's pale skin to find me. He looked tired…or bored, I wasn't sure, his lips chapped and his eyes too absent and unfocused to be lustful.