"I’ll be fine.”
"You are not fine. I am not fine. Thank goodness Amelia is fine! Will you wait until it affects her before you do something?"
"Really, we need to drop it Elena."
"It's not just you, Ray, you have a family now."
His voice softened. "I know that. I love you both. I’m grieving, my own way. There's no time limit on grief, Elena."
To Ray’s surprise, she let it go. For now, at least. But how much longer could he pull it off for?
TWO more days to go; Ray could get through them. With sweaty palms and heavy eyelids, he somehow maintained enough focus to get the kids through exams, and himself through the day. Almost.
Before heading home, an impromptu meeting with the principal was called. An unplanned meeting. Even as a teacher, Ray knew it was never good to be summoned to the principal’s office.
On the way to the office, he swung by Elena's classroom. Her door was open, and she sat at her desk, furiously correcting tests. For a moment, he thought about leaving her alone, but realized it would be foolish in the end. At some point she'd notice the time and that he hadn't shown up and go looking for him. He regretted having to interrupt her. That, and he didn't want to be quizzed about the meeting when he himself had no information to give; at least nothing concrete.
"Knock, knock," he said softly.
Elena lifted her head at the sound of his voice and pushed a stray piece of hair away from her face. "Sorry, I got swept up. I thought I'd get a head start and grade some work before you got here. You ready now?"
Ray hesitated, then did his best to deliver his words as nonchalantly as possible. "Gotta swing by Cynthia's office first. Just wanted to poke my head in and give you the heads up. Why don't you just keep grading while I finish up?"
"I didn't know you had a meeting scheduled.” It sounded to Ray more a question than a statement.
That was what he wanted to avoid. Concern. "It won't take long. Be back soon."
Elena absently sent her pen to her mouth where she began chewing wildly on the top of it.
Ray cut off any chance for questions by turning quickly and heading out the door, leaving Elena with both her thoughts and her pen to chew on.
HE pushed the door to the principal's office open, and to his surprise, not only Principal Cynthia O'Conner, but also Assistant Principal David Finch and guidance counselor Jessica Worthington were all seated, waiting for him. He stood, frozen in the doorway, still holding the door open, as if ready to make his escape.
Cynthia cut through the silence, gesturing to an empty chair. "Ray, thanks for coming."
Still holding the door, Ray asked, "Did I miss something? I didn't know this was a group meeting."
"Have a seat, Ray," David said sternly.
"If it's all the same to you, I think I will stand, thanks." His heart raced. Had he said something, done something? He knew he should be sleeping better. Maybe they’d seen the circles under his eyes lately. Ray racked his brain, trying to guess what this was coming to.
"Then shut the door, at least.” David leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs. He raised one arm to rest on his hip like a parent about to dole out punishment and the other elbow he put on the arm of the chair, bringing his hand up to rest his chin on.
Condescending prick, he thought, seething.
Cynthia was seated behind her desk, while both David and Jessica sat to her right, leaving one lonely, empty chair to her left for Ray. The positioning of the seats unsettled Ray. This wasn't going to be any ordinary meeting. Looked more like an intervention. He stood just inside the closed door, facing Cynthia with his arms folded. His posture became rigid, guarded. "What's this all about?"
Cynthia made a weak attempt at a smile. "Ray, listen. We've had this discussion before. When your sister first passed. About your work. I know...we all know,” she made an inclusive gesture with an open hand to the two seated on her right.
David corrected her, adding, “We’ve had this discussion several times. Over the past year.”
Cynthia held up her hand, and David stopped.
“We know that losing your sister was a terrible blow,” Cynthia offered. We sympathize, we really do."
"But..." Ray interjected. "There's a big fat BUT coming." And it’s a small one compared to the one attached to you, he mused to himself.
"It's not like that, Ray. We have to look out for the best interests of these kids. It's not an easy decision. You know how much we all love you here. You have been an amazing teacher, a fantastic asset here at Walter Mathison Middle School for quite some time now."
"Are you firing me right now?"
"No, no, nothing that drastic,” Cynthia insisted. As I have said numerous times, we value you and everything you've given this school. But we all believe you perhaps need to take some time off." As she said it, she looked to both David and Jessica sitting to her right. They nodded in agreement.
Ray thought they acted a lot like good little puppies.
She continued, "To re-focus. Take this summer break to think things over. To heal, take time for yourself. That lovely niece of yours. Be with your family. Before this next school year starts back up, let's revisit this conversation. We need to make sure your focus in the fall will be one hundred percent on the education of these children. If that's something that you can't do, well then we need to find an alternative."
"An alternative?" His pulse quickened again. The room grew hotter and suddenly smaller. He tried not to let his disdain show through. He looked around as they all stared at him. As if waiting for him to break. All because he lost his sister. Yet, here they were, being blatantly insensitive.
David elaborated, pointing directly at Ray, "Yes, an alternative. As in if you can't get yourself together over the summer, it would be best if you do not come back in the fall. The alternative would be to hire someone in your place."
"I can't believe this," Ray said, shaking his head.
"Really, you can't?" David raised his eyebrows. "This is coming as a surprise to you? Come on, Ray. You haven't been yourself this entire school year. You lack focus. You lack enthusiasm. You look like you don't even sleep. You 'drift off' more and more these days, spacing out in your classroom. Did you notice your students’ grades have been markedly down since last year? Did you think this was just a coincidence? You have to know there is a direct correlation." He looked to Jessica for agreement, and she dutifully nodded her head. "You are not present. We need someone who is. Nothing personal. It's in the best interest of the students."
Ray bit his lip hard. After all, they weren’t wrong. Maybe being a bit harsh, but Ray was slipping. "I'd like to believe that it's not personal, but somehow everything coming out of your mouth David, seems personal." It was true. David used to be one of Ray’s best friends. Until a woman came in between them. Elena, to be precise. Since the early days of college they’d competed for Elena's affections. Ray had won, but ever since then every dealing with David was like putting two roosters in a cage together, full on cock-fight.