Chapter 1
Robin Brannon woke up three minutes before her alarm. In the sleepy, drifting moments before the alarm forced her to life, a persistent question shoved itself into her mind.
Is this the rest of my life?
The question had been haunting her since her forty-fifth birthday earlier that year.
Is this my life?
Really? This? Every day until I die?
She stretched her right arm across the bed, but Mark was already gone.
The alarm went off, and she quickly tapped her phone screen to get rid of the noise. Her daughter, Emma, had reset the alarm to the La’s “There She Goes” a few weeks before because it was “so retro.”
Whatever. The song made her happy, but she’d never admit it to Emma. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and extended up and over, bending down to stretch her back and spread her toes on the warm, honey-toned wood that filled their house in the Sierra Nevada Mountains.
Empty bed.
Soon to be empty house.
Emma would be gone the following fall, and then it would just be Robin and Mark.
Mark’s whereabouts weren’t a mystery. Not much was a mystery when you’d been married for twenty-three years. He’d be down in his basement office, working online at his job in San Francisco. Though the city was hundreds of miles away, Mark had been telecommuting in one form or another since their kids were young.
Robin pulled her hair into a quick bun, then threw on a pair of leggings and a sports bra before stepping into her favorite running shoes and lacing them tightly.
These days telecommuting was common, but when she’d first told her parents that they’d be moving back to her hometown in the mountains because Mark could work from home, the idea had been revolutionary.
Does this mean they’re going to fire him?
How will he go to meetings?
Is this because of Y2K?
She bounced on her toes to warm up. The physical therapist had outlawed running, but Robin still needed the outdoors. Power walking with a knee brace would have to take the place of five-mile runs.
She paused in the upstairs hallway to make sure she heard Emma getting ready. She passed Austin’s empty room and wondered if he’d scheduled morning classes for the semester.
Not your problem, Robin.
She unlocked the front door, stretched a little in the driveway, then started walking down the hill, breathing in the cold Sierra Nevada air.
It filled her up. Lifted her. The mountain air was such an essential part of her she sometimes felt like she couldn’t breathe when she was at lower elevations.
She thought about headphones, but that morning she was craving silence. Unfortunately, silence made her mind drift.
Am I a bad mother for not following up on Austin’s schedule?
Austin was at the state university near Mark’s parents in Chico, and Robin was legally allowed to no longer care if he ate a balanced breakfast. Or scheduled his classes sensibly. Or slept through his alarm.
Do I care if I’m a bad mother?
She was probably still supposed to care about all that on a maternal level, but getting Austin out of the house had been such a relief she couldn’t bring herself to feel guilty.
Robin had needed a break.
She loved her son—she really did—but he was work. He always had been. She’d almost passed on having kid two because kid one was such a pain in the butt.
Thank God she didn’t, because Emma was night-and-day different from her brother. Robin had sent Austin off to college with a wave and a happy heart. When Emma left next year, it might break her. It would just be Robin and Mark, married for twenty-three years, parents of two successful kids, and…
What? What else were they? A software programmer and the owner of an antique shop?
Is this the rest of my life?
Really? This? Every day until I die?
Her legs were pumping and her lungs started to burn.
So did her eyes.
What the hell is wrong with you, Robin?
She dashed the tears from her eyes. She wasn’t a crier. She was famously immune to crying. She hadn’t cried during Steel Magnolias. Beaches made her roll her eyes. She was forbidden from watching chick flicks with her two best friends for that very reason.
Robin needed to get out of her head. She reached for the phone in the pocket of her leggings and realized a notification had popped onto the screen at seven a.m.
Monica Velasquez 45th Birthday—All Day
“Shit!” How had she forgotten it was Monica’s birthday? Monica had lost her husband to a heart attack six months before, and this would be her first birthday without Gilbert making her Queen for the Day.
She tapped on her phone icon and went to her favorites list, touching the top contact.
It rang and Val picked up seconds later, clearing her throat before she spoke. “Why are you calling so early?”
“You remember Monica’s birthday is today?”
“Yeah, of course. We’re going out tonight, remember?”
“Was that in the group text?”
“No, stupid. We’re surprising her, remember? Her son’s taking her out for lunch today. The rest of the kids are coming up this Saturday for dinner, and I texted you three days ago that we needed to take her out tonight.”
“I didn’t text you back?”
Val sniffed. “Are you out walking?”
“Of course I am.” Robin turned the corner, waving at her neighbor as he moved the trash cans out to the curb. “Are you still in bed?”
“The boys can make their own breakfast. I was up late reading.” Val must have taken the phone away from her mouth because the next words were muffled. “Jackson! Andy! Are you getting dressed?”
Robin couldn’t hear anything, but she assumed Val’s two boys had answered in the affirmative because her friend came back on the line.
“Anyway, you probably thought about texting me and then forgot. Don’t pretend you have anything more important than this. We’re taking her out. We absolutely have to take her out tonight.”
“Of course we’re taking her out.” Robin made a quick decision as she turned back toward the house. “I’ll even drive so you and Monica can have all the wine, okay?”
“Sounds good to me.” Val sighed deeply. “Fuck congenital heart defects.”
“I know.” Robin’s heart ached every time she thought about Monica’s husband. “Damn, I miss Gil.”
If there was a dream husband who embodied all rom-com boyfriends, it had been Gilbert Velasquez. Movie star handsome, Gil had been a fireman with the state. He was a certified hero who had medals and got choked up when he thanked his wife in speeches.
Robin would have been jealous of Monica and Gil’s marriage, but she was too damn happy Monica had such an amazing husband. He’d been a stellar dad and an amazing friend too.
“Okay, when do we want to pick her up?” Robin blinked hard. “Seven?”
“Yeah, that works. I already checked with Jake. He told her he’s cooking a special dinner for her tonight, so she doesn’t have any other plans.”
“We need to remember to text her happy birthday though. Remember when Mark surprised me for my thirtieth?”
Val started laughing. “You were so pissed.”
“I thought all my friends had completely forgotten about me on my birthday, Val. Of course I was pissed.”