I noticed.
“You know something,” I said.
He rearranged the spoons on the tray.
“What is it, Ollan?”
“My lady—”
“It will hurt me more to be in ignorance, Ollan. Tell me.”
He sighed. “There were… rumors… of various attachments on Lord Vixor’s part with different Chosen daughters from among those families.”
“What sort of rumors?”
“One young woman in particular was all but known as Lord Vixor’s eventual choice of mate.”
I set the muffin down. My throat was too tight to swallow any more.
“But it was just a rumor,” Ollan hastened to add. “And you know how rumors are. They invent all sorts of delicious scandal. Most of it is utter nonsense, anyway.”
I thought of the way Kassian had kissed me. He hadn’t kissed me like a man in love with another. But then, the morning after, he’d said it could not continue. I remembered his clipped tone. The harsh light of regret in his eyes. Was it because of her? This Chosen girl from the capital whom he was all but betrothed to?
Words he’d spoken a few days ago rang in my head.
“She would not allow me to marry you,” he’d said when he rejected my plan of marriage, the one I’d proposed before the fight, before I took matters into my own hands.
At the time, I’d assumed he meant the Alpha, but the Alpha had been delighted at me.
Had I assumed wrong? Had he meant this other Chosen girl.
For a few dizzying seconds, I felt like I was falling, and I couldn’t seem to remember how to breathe.
CHAPTER FOUR
I FOUND MY voice again.
“What is her name?’
“Who?” Ollan still wasn’t fooling me.
“This young woman who was supposed to be his mate.”
“Do you think dwelling on the past will do you any good, my lady?” Ollan’s voice was quiet. Careful.
Did he think Kassian had been in love with her? Or worse, was in love with her still?
I took a deep breath, trying to chase away the unexpected pain threatening to engulf me. I needed to think with my head, not my tangled emotions.
When I felt calm again, I leveled a look at Ollan. “I think I need to know political snares before I blunder into them. You said you were here to help me any way that you could. This is how you can help me.” Thankfully, my voice was firm and clear, giving the illusion that I felt strong and certain.
Kassian had told me he wasn’t in love with anyone else. I believed him. Still, I felt unmoored in the wake of this new information.
What else did I not know about?
Ollan sighed. “Her name is Annalise Green, my lady. Lord Vixor spent a great deal of time with her family over the past few years while he was in the city. He and the young lady are friends, to be sure, and her family is a powerful one. They have given daughters to the Sworn for hundreds of years.”
My throat constricted at the thought. How could they stand to hand over their daughters? How could they not fight?
Ollan said then, with the slightly frazzled tone of someone trying to rectify a mistake, “Don’t concern yourself with the past, my lady. Lord Vixor accepted your offer of his free will. You might have chosen him, but he chose you back.”
“Where has Vixor gone?” I asked.
“He had business for the Alpha,” Ollan said. Something about his tone told me this was a lie.
I pretended I believed him as I wondered if Kassian had gone to explain his sudden marriage to Annalise, or if he’d gone to clear his head, or…
“When will he be back?” I asked. I picked up a spoon and poked at a bowl of oatmeal before taking a bite, which turned out to be a mistake. My mouth was so dry I didn’t think I could swallow it, and the taste of it on my tongue brought back flashes of Mother Shade’s wretched house. I shivered, feeling sick.
“I’m not sure, my lady,” Ollan said. “But that is typical for his missions. At all times, in all weather. Coming and going. Gone one day, back the next, then gone for a month.”
A month. My heart quailed.
“In the meantime,” Ollan said, pretending cheerfulness for my sake, most likely, “we shall carry on in his absence. You have a wardrobe to be fitted for, and beauty treatments to choose, and a strength training regimen begin.”
“Strength training?”
“Chosen mates must be as strong as possible,” Ollan explained. “Humans are naturally weaker, but those who live among the Sworn are expected to train diligently.” He paused. “Then, of course, there is your new mark as Vixor Rae’s mate, but that will have to wait until Lord Vixor returns.”
A new mark. I thought of the women I’d seen in the market, with their black veils and swirling wrist and arm tattoos.
My chest clutched, and I exhaled to ease the sensation. “Shouldn’t Vixor get a tattoo on his arm too? Since he is my mate, and I the victor who successfully laid claim to him?” I grinned, trying to make light of what otherwise seemed a bleak situation, and Ollan rolled his eyes.
“Do you have a sigil, then, my lady?” he asked with a trace of amusement.
“Yes,” I said, lifting my chin in pretend affront. “The honeysuckle.”
“I see.” Ollan pursed his lips, knowing I was making a joke of some kind, and not knowing how he ought to respond while remaining proper, no doubt.
“Any other duties?” I asked. Joking with Ollan made me feel slightly better, but still, the cloud of everything that had happened and everything that must be done hung heavy over me, pressing at my throat and threatening to choke me.
“Formal introductions in society, attending certain events like weddings and other celebrations. You won’t do any of it alone, my lady.”
I desperately hoped he was right.
CHAPTER FIVE
LATER, A SCOWLING servant girl delivered a few plain dresses that I could wear until my custom garments were made. Otherwise, I was alone in Vixor Rae’s vast, gleaming chambers. Restless, I paced to the window to stare out at the city.
I needed to talk to Snow, and I didn’t know when—or if—I’d have another opportunity to move through the city without scrutiny. Once I was covered in ink that declared me the mate of the Silver Wolf and dressed in a gown with black veils, people would notice when I moved through the marketplace.
But for now, I was still anonymous.
I dressed quickly in a plain brown dress, drew my father’s cloak around my shoulders with the black side facing out, and then, I slipped down a servants’ staircase and into a lower level of Kassian’s mansion.
The halls were mercifully empty as I sneaked through them on tiptoe to avoid making any sound that might give me away. I paused in a hall beside the kitchens and grabbed a basket that sat on the ground. Clutching the handle, I stepped out a side door and into the fresh morning air.
Guards glanced at me and then looked away with obvious disinterest. Just another servant girl headed to market.
A ripple of giddiness swept through me.
I was free. Walking alone and unencumbered by pursuit or watching eyes for the first time in the capital city.
I didn’t know how to get to the marketplace from Kassian’s home, but I couldn’t hesitate with the guards watching me. If I looked confused or indecisive, they might pay wonder why the servant girl didn’t know where to go, and ask questions.