Chapter 6
It wasn’t a dream.
It hit me when I woke up, the feather-like kiss he had placed on me as he dropped me off was not a dream, nor was the twice in a day encounter I had with him.
To leave me hanging with a kiss as light as I got it was torture. Without better self-control, I knew that I would have thrown caution right in the wind and demanded more, or just taken what I wanted.
But I had known him for barely a few hours. For the first time that day, I listened to my head, instead of the draw of his eyes or the calling of his lips. No, I didn’t listen to the way my heartbeat doubled or the way my entire being felt a connection. A connection strong enough to stimulate something in me. A need. A desire. A want. A bearing.
I sat up, closing my eyes while I grazed my index and middle finger against my lips as if to re-enact the peck.
I huffed desperately, imagining how it would feel if his lips visited the lower half of me. I found myself clenching my legs together, and failing to tamper down the innate need pulsing through me at the bare memory.
I looked at my dresser, eyeing the last drawer that held B.O.Bs (Battery Operated Boyfriends). I exhaled. I hadn’t used an of them in a few years.
In fact, I had even only used them one time, and yet I kept them all. I was wanting, craving it, no, needing it.
It would have been a record relief to get some release off of the hardcore tension reverberating throughout me. I decided there and then that I was going to come off my B.O.B. celibacy.
I was about to move my legs off the bed, when something vibrated on my thigh, just close enough to the middle. It made me jump in surprise as the vibrations sent sweet sensations right to my desperate parts.
“What the fuck?” I breathlessly remarked.
I lifted the duvet to see just what, only to find that it was my bloody phone.
Not bothering to look at who was calling, I picked it up quickly before my phone sent me into climax. I was too late because the chiming ended.
I let out a breath, knowing for sure that I would have used my Babeland womaniser or perhaps the Lelo iris. But, I also knew that I would have ended up craving the real deal, which was not in my plan, or maybe it was.
But then, at that moment, I was so sure I was never going to see him again. So, it would have been purgatory.
I looked at my phone screen and saw that the missed call was from Ashraf. I groaned because my best friend was not who I wanted to talk to at that moment.
I stared at my phone with an original reverence, because of my new found realisation that it could substitute for a sinful toy.
It rang again, and I picked it up without hesitation.
“Hello.”
“You didn’t call last night?” Ashraf accused without further ado.
I furrowed my eyes, finally remembering that I was supposed to give him a call just to catch up. But I hadn’t even thought about him because I was avoiding the thought of him. The guilt that erupted in me wound me up in speechlessness.
“Did something happen?” He asked warily, worry softening his deep voice.
“No, everything is fine…I was just spent last night. I ended up at a motive, well a club to be specific with my new friend,” I replied, smiling to myself in pride, and with the knowledge that he was going to be shocked.
He scoffed, interrupting me. “I am supposed to believe you actually took my advice and not only made a friend, but you also ended up going to a Night Club without me persuading you?”
My smile widened, hearing the response I expected. Before I went for orientation, he gave me a speech of how I needed to make friends, especially since he wasn’t there to be my anchor or rather, an emotional crutch.
I made a move to London to start my job as a paralegal, after graduating from the University of Manchester with a degree in Commercial Law. He chose to stay put, bagging a job there as well.
“Well, to be fair, she approached me. Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t explain it. I just didn’t feel a need to run or be one-worded or to be unresponsive. Not to anyone I talked to yesterday. I didn’t even feel the compulsion to say no when she handed out an invite to lunch.”
I heard him take in a sharp breath, having realised I was telling the truth.
“You mean you had a proper and consenting conversation with someone who is not your boss, or lecturer, or me or your brother or any of the minuscule people you willingly talk to?”
I frowned. He sounded sad, defeated almost. But most of all, surprised, with a hint of disbelief.
“Did you think I was incapable of being interactive outside work or an academic scenery?” I muttered, assuming that was the problem and already feeling hurt by it.
He groaned. “No, I don’t think that. I always told you to let down that wall. That you had it in you. That you didn’t need to shut the world out, that you needed to try, which you did. You finally did like I knew you would. I always knew you just needed to be in an environment where you were forced to.”
My heart skipped a beat as I realised what was behind his sullenness. I closed my eyes in the cognisance of how insensitive I had been.
He always told me that I held on to our friendship too much, and was using it as an excuse not to coin any other lasting friendship.
I had proved him right. Just a few days in London without him, and I had Evelina moving in and sharing my personal space. My treasured intimate space.
I knew right then that I wouldn’t tell him about Mr Clarke and prove him right some more. It was already too much that I would have to inform him about Evelina moving in. After all, he would come for a visit soon enough, and it wasn’t a secret worth keeping.
But Mr Clarke was worth it. I didn’t need him questioning or analysing our encounter—an impromptu one. I had let the man take me home in his Bentley driven by a Chauffeur.
For the first time, I had a secret he didn’t know about.
“Hey, don’t shut down on me. I wasn’t trying to guilt-trip you. I…” he paused, struggling to articulate his feelings. “I am just feeling a pang of guilt,” he added.
I exhaled. “You have nothing to feel guilty about,” I said, trying my best to put my uttermost sincerity in my words.
“I let you hold on to me too tightly.”
“It was what I needed at the time,” I countered.
“You haven’t needed it for a while.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t assume you could have helped me more than you did. You and your parents did all that you could, and it is why I am here today, finally letting go. Because you let me hold on to you long enough to stand on my feet, and it’s what I am doing. So no…end of discussion. Enough with the confessionals, got it ?”
He chuckled, ignoring my reference to his late parents. It had been a few years but he still never spoke of them. “There she is— my feisty Zina. Trying to boss me around from thousands of miles away.”
I rolled my eyes as I felt pain for him. He had not dealt with the loss, and that could not be healthy. But, I couldn’t force him, so I went with his flow. “Are you going to keep on teasing me or let me tell you about my most impulsive decision ever?”
“Oh, do tell. It can’t be that bad knowing you.”
I smiled, knowing I was going to knock him off his feet.
“So my new friend, Evelina. Yeah, I think I can call her that since she’s going to move in with me. I sure hope that’s what we become. I like her, and we click.”