I went to find Kadzuhikhan.
The “orgy” part of the revelry was reaching its blossom, it seemed. In the corners of the twilight-studded bars, out under the awnings, on the streetsides, everywhere was dotted with groups fucking. It had once been a shockingly gratifying sight. All those people smearing each other with pleasure.
A pair of women pawed at each other, removing clothing while a somber-looking bear-soul ran her fingers tenderly through their hair. A cluster of nubile young men rolled on a padding of spared garments, lost in each other, stretches of gorgeous flesh on display. The wolf-soul from earlier was making her boy, the one I’d saved, beg while she swatted his round backside, and his eagerness for her command all but fumed off him. A small crowd of onlookers had joined to tease him, add to his obvious glee, praise his mistress’s firm hand.
It had once looked like a feast of reality, evidence that I could exist, that there were people whose insides flushed with the same urges mine did. I’d felt surrounded and connected and proven real, once. But now I knew the different kinds of numbness they’d all go back to. That nights like these were the only stripes of reality that we were allowed to have here, stretching between planes of gray.
Besides. Many of these partners were sex workers doing their jobs, and this bazaar of sexual wonder may be merely the end of a long shift for them. A part of me deeply resonated with that. Stimulation was indistinguishable from fatigue after a while.
Kadzuhikhan’s scent came to me through the chaos—proof, probably, that I was fully sobered up. In an open hall shuddering with music, beer and spirits were passed around on trays. It was full of dancers, their shapes blending with multicolored strobes. I wasn’t even sure why I’d sought him out. Maybe simple math: he was the only person I knew enough to bother. And I couldn’t stand another night staring down my loneliness.
His back was straight, dark, against the colors. I saw him leaning into someone under his arm as I approached. Talking to what was probably his latest claim. He didn’t seem to notice me coming near.
When I was close enough, something odd struck me. More familiar smells. This picture was off, like something I was about to recognize as a dream.
Hei was standing against the wall, grinning up at Kadzuhikhan.
The sight all but knocked the wind out of me. I slid back a half step, barely aware of the motion. I was overcome by a swallowing need to not be seen.
What the fuck had I been doing? I pushed my back to the wall, let the furl of my wings angle to shield the sides of my face. The crowd dutifully shifted to cover where I’d stood.
I’d already been growing fascinated with Hei. Slowly spooling out my favorite possibilities of him, this strange boy with his exceptional calm. Imagining him coming for my heart. Just assumed he wanted me. As if he had kissed my mouth and not my cheek.
It’d felt like that. The realization was like a bruise.
The real explanation for his appearances, for his manner—the logical explanation—was far simpler. Thrill-seeker, remember? He was here for a good time, like the rest. Flirting with strange men, letting Kadzuhikhan manhandle him, gave him that thrill. And I’d all but expected him to...what? Follow me home? Ask me to marry him?
The thick animal chaos around me became a wall of hard silence. The city was too big. I needed to go home. I needed...something.
I dragged myself up to move. It felt like my wings had turned into lead.
But something disturbed the smooth rhythm of the revelers. A shout. It seized my attention in spite of me.
Hei’s voice clarified out of the sound. “I said off.”
My breath caught. What?
Kadzuhikhan’s laughter was chemical, something that could chip paint. “You did. And I planned to get you off. So stop writhing and—”
The notes of a struggle rose, then were aborted with a thump. I pushed forward, trying to see them again through the bodies.
Hei’s arms were poised over his head, clutched in Kadzuhikhan’s grip where it’d struck the wall. Kadzuhikhan’s other hand was ghosting over Hei’s chin, taking hold of his jaw. Hei’s face shone with rage. His leg vaulted up to shove Kadzuhikhan back, but the cat-soul was too nimble. He caught the limb in his free arm, chuckling softly. “Mm. You did not look like a piece that’d have much fight in him. I’m not unhappy to see that this first impression was wrong.”
Hei surged forward against his grip, only to be slammed back. The way the impact winded him was visible.
And no one but me seemed to notice. To respond at all as a moon-soul prepared to abuse a young mortal like his will meant nothing.
Observations flashed to the surface of my mind. I’d noticed, but not understood. Hei’s arms were covered. His collar was high. Not a hint of skin showed anywhere but his face and hands.
No beaded chain hung around his neck. He wasn’t a blood-donor. He hadn’t been drinking. He showed no signs of participating in the group play. He hadn’t even done more than kiss my cheek.
Good time my ass. This was no mutual mind game with Kadzuhikhan. He was in danger.
I moved without thought. I spread my wings at my sides, and the layers of dancers separating me from Hei scattered. In seconds, I’d pushed through. Before Kadzuhikhan had even looked up, I caught his forearm.
Catlike eyes blinked at me, as if I’d materialized out of vapor. “Ari? Fuck. Your timing is terrible. Just wait for—”
I levered my shoulder and struck him in the face. The force pushed him back a step, and his grasp broke. Behind me, I felt Hei slump back against the wall.
Kadzuhikhan’s expression solidified into shock. After a moment, a bead of dark red crawled down his lip, where his fang must have cut him. He swiped at his mouth. “Dammit. What the hell got up your ass?”
I kept my wings open wide like raised shields. “So this is your new recruitment approach—just bang people around until they stop kicking back?”
His eyes narrowed for a moment before he released a guffaw, disbelief or disgust coloring the laughter. The revelers around us had begun to stop and take heed. Kadzuhikhan tucked broad hands under his arms. “Please, finish the joke. Tell me you’re not fucking serious, with all this outraged innocence and concern. Like you didn’t know what the fuck you were doing in this city.”
Unsettling sensations were skittering through me; it was like my friend was changing in front of me, but not into cat-shape or anything else I’d seen. Into the person he must have been past the edges of my sight, past the moments in which he’d been kind to me, kissed me, held me while I shook. Past our shared emptiness. It had been easy to believe that everything was on the up and up. That this was business, and while predators abounded, Umber and Kadzuhikhan guarded against them even if for no higher reason than a businessman’s ethic. But my role as healer must have exposed me to little of what really went on.