“Mum,” Otis says, with his thick, imperial English accent, “you’re stalking that man!”
I laugh to myself. I gave Otis his English accent when he was a baby, and I’ve had fun with it ever since. Sometimes I think I’m a little bonkers, but I suppose as long as I know I’m making his voice up, it’s not time to call the asylum yet.
I bend and pet his little black head. “Come on, Otie,” I call, as I walk to my desk in the living room. Opening my laptop, I bring up Google. I type in “Estherly Krauss,” the full name I got from the back of one of the photos and lean in close to the screen after I hit “enter”. Scrolling through the results, I find nothing that seems to pertain to my Estherly. Next, I try Facebook. I get ten results and start clicking on each profile. Not one of them seems like it’s the girl from the diary. I know that Estherly would be in her nineties, but my eighty-five-year-old grandmother has a Facebook, so I figure it’s worth a shot. I try
Google again, this time searching Mae Stein, and too many results come up.
Frustrated, I close my laptop. I get up from the desk, pet Otis, and walk out my front door. My feet carry me to Sam’s almost without a thought.
“Hey there,” he says, after opening the door.
I shoot him my best pouty face.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t find anything on Google or Facebook.”
“Come on in.” He swings the screen door and holds it open for me. “Have a seat.”
I plop down on the couch, almost in the same spot I sat in earlier and bring my legs to my chest.
“How much time did you actually spend on Google?”
I shrug, knowing I probably didn’t take as much time as I should’ve, but I missed Sam and wanted to do the search with him.
He walks to his dining room, grabs his laptop, and sits next to me.
I lower my legs and scoot near him so I can see the screen. Silently, I breathe in his scent and curse myself for being so desperate. I can’t get enough of him.
Sam starts a search on Google and gets the same results I did. We go through four pages before we give up.
“I think we at least need to know if Estherly lived. This could be a wild goose chase.”
“You’re right,” I say, but don’t make any movements. I’d be content staying this close to him for the rest of the night, except I’d have to go home and grab Otis. With thoughts of my big boy in my mind, I ask Sam, “Do you like pets?”
“Sure.”
“How come you don’t have one?”
“You know, I’ve not really thought about that before.”
“I have a cat. His name is Otis. I’ve had him since he was a kitten. He was upstairs when you came over.”
“Is he black and white?”
“Yeah,” I say, wondering how Sam knows.
“I saw you on your back porch with him one day. You were reading, and he was chillin’ out by your legs.”
Wondering if it’s possible that Sam spies on me, too, I smile while my heart flutters.
“He’s a big cat. What the hell do you feed him, full-size chickens?”
I laugh and still don’t make any attempt to pull myself from Sam’s couch.
“I have kind of a crazy idea,” Sam says. “What if you read me Estherly’s diaries every night until we finish them? I know you work, but maybe I could fix dinner for us and you could come over when you get home?”
My mouth falls open and I’m speechless. I shake my head to toss my marbles around and make sure my ears aren’t clogged.
“I’m sorry. Was that too presumptuous?”
“No!” I yell, and then change my tone back to a normal one. “I think that’s the best idea you’ve had all day. I don’t have to work tomorrow. I can stay up as late as I want tonight.”
The smile that consumes Sam’s face melts me like butter. I’m not sure if he’s interested in me or he’s excited for me to read more of Estherly’s diary.
“Want to read it here or at your house?” he asks.
“I have to feed Otie, so I’ll go home and grab the diary and come back here.”
Finally finding the motivation to get off the couch, I head to Sam’s front door. “Be right back.”
It doesn’t take too long before I’m back at Sam’s and he’s yelling for me to come in.
“I got you a blanket. It’s getting a little cold. Would you like some hot chocolate?” he asks.
“I’d love some,” I say, as I snuggle into the blanket and open Estherly’s diary.
After a few minutes, Sam comes in, hands me cocoa, and takes the other end of the couch.
“Sam, I might cry while reading this.”
“I hate seeing women cry. I get it though. I almost feel like I have to mentally prepare for what we’re about to read.”
“Are you ready?” I ask in my most soft and gentle tone.
“I think so.”
I turn the page to the next entry and start reading.
8 October 1941
My heart is broken, yet at the same time filled with so much love. Broken because I miss Mae, and I’m beside myself wondering where her, her mother, and baby brother are. I worry for her emotional state after having her father murdered right before her eyes. Henry and my family keep me sane during all this chaos. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I didn’t have them.
Chapter 6 – Estherly
8 October 1941
Creeping out of the bedroom I share with Oma, I shut the door behind me as quietly as I can. Stopping in the hall, Gavi grumbles in his sleep. I wonder if he is restless because of all that is happening in our lives. Moving towards Anika’s room, I push open her door to check on her. A nightlight illuminates her tiny room. Dolls in pretty silk and lace dresses line the shelves on the far wall. My eyes run over the collection of plastic horses sitting on her wooden dresser. Walking over to her, I cover up her small frame with blankets. She snuggles into them almost as if on cue. I softly brush a small, dark-brown ringlet from her forehead and tuck it behind her ear. Tiptoeing back to the door, I turn to take one more look at my sleeping baby sister, then slip through the door, closing it behind me. Slinking down the stairs, I go to the kitchen and open the refrigerator. I can’t forget to bring my little friend a treat. Grabbing a hunk of cheese, I sneak out the back door and head to the barn.
The cool night air feels refreshing on my skin. I take a deep breath and hold it in my lungs, filling my chest, glad that the smoke from earlier has vanished. I let out the air and feel the emotions of the day wash over me.
Nearing the barn, a faint light comes through the slits. He’s here! A wave of guilt pains me as I think of Mae. How can I be happy seeing Henry when Mae is going through hell? Maybe he has some news of where she is. Feelings of anxiousness come over me, and I run the rest of the way to the barn.
The amber glow of candles barely lights up the space. They sit on top of a tablecloth that has been thrown over two wooden crates. Henry sits on a pile of hay, feeding the little barn cat. Our eyes meet, and he is on his feet in seconds. Running over to him, I lose myself in his embrace. His lips meet mine, and at that moment I could float away. Our lips part, and he pulls me into his strong arms. I’ve longed for his touch since our last time together, near Mae’s home.