Gideon, palm nearly black from soil, cupped my cheek and angled my head so our gazes met. His green eyes shimmered with conviction as he swiped a dirty thumb over the crest of my cheek.
He said, “Then we replant.”
I opened my mouth to argue. Because it wasn’t fair. We’d already worked so hard, and everything had crumbled around us. How could we possibly rebuild when we were nothing but rubble and broken stone?
Instead, I said, “You promise?”
A tear escaped the corner of my eye, sliding down my cheek until it splashed over Gideon’s thumb. He tracked it, his expression sad. But then he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my forehead between my brows.
“I promise, kapara.”
My eyes closed on a sigh, and my lips tipped in a trembling smile. “Okay,” I said. “Then we replant.”
Chapter Three
After I’d showered off the soil and dirt from our day spent gardening, I dried off and walked naked into my bedroom. A knock sounded at the door, and I startled, nearly dropping my towel. Rushing to my dresser, I yanked a pair of underwear from the drawer and tugged them up my legs.
“Just a second,” I said as I slipped an undershirt over my head to cover my back. “Um, come in.”
The door opened, and Jai stepped inside my room. His eyes widened at my lack of clothing, and he half-turned away, as if he’d just caught me in a compromising situation. “Oh, shit. Sorry.”
“Why? You’ve seen me naked.” The flippant comment escaped before I thought better of it, and Jai’s dark brows flew up into his hairline.
“Well, yeah. I guess.” Hesitantly, he faced me, his focus jumping from my eyes, to my bare legs, back to my face. Something thick and molten slithered through the rope connecting us, and I inhaled sharply. Desire. Jai’s desire. That was… unexpected.
The arousal dissipated instantly, like it had never been, and I released a shaky breath. Our Committed bond was weak, and as such, we struggled to connect the way we should have been able to. I’d felt contented warmth in the times Jai hugged me or held me in his lap while we watched movies. If his anger was strong enough, I felt the sharp sting of it, but I’d never experienced his sexual need before.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to barge in on you,” he said.
“You didn’t barge in. You knocked, and I invited you in,” I said.
He blinked. “Right.”
His gaze raked over me again, and his Adam’s apple jumped. He hadn’t seen me this undressed since… well, it had been a while. I never changed my clothes in front of them. I wasn’t ashamed of my nudity anymore, but I worried over Jai and Noel’s reactions if they ever saw my scars. Gideon knew, but we didn’t talk about it much. It was too painful for both of us.
These scars were the proof of the horrors I faced and the truth of what I really was. They were the mark of the Fallen, of which I was counted. I wasn’t Angel, not like my Guardians were, and the angry, disfigured skin only shouted that truth louder. I was a hybrid monster, a murderer, and I had the physical damage to prove it.
“Did, erm, did you need something?” I asked when the silence stretched uncomfortably long.
At first, he didn’t answer. He glanced around the room, never lingering too long on one spot. His piercing clacked against his teeth. His hands dipped into his jean pockets, then withdrew, then slipped back in.
“Just wanted to… check in, you know?”
Neither of us moved. I chewed my bottom lip as Jai scratched the back of his head, jaw taut.
“Okay,” I said.
Jai crossed his arms over his chest but immediately thought better of the imposing stance. His eyes widened as he dropped his arms to his sides. He shifted his weight, scrubbing at his bearded cheek before clasping his hands behind his back like he was a soldier standing at ease.
What was happening? Jai was acting… awkward. Jai was never awkward—I was the awkward one. But he was twitchy and fidgeting.
“Jai?”
“I want to talk about the bond,” he blurted, and I stiffened. “We should have sooner, but I didn’t want to add more to your plate. After everything… I wanted to give you time. But Noel said that you two talked today, and I…”
His hand rubbed over his heart, and he grimaced. “It hurts, Riley. Our bond. Because it’s not—it’s weak. It’s broken. Because we didn’t know. Because we didn’t want it”—I flinched at that—“and without intention, it didn’t form right. Do you understand?”
I nodded, heart aching.
“I don’t want to put this on you. But I can’t do this anymore.” His palm pressed harder to his chest. “It hurts. Okay? And I can’t… I just can’t.”
My heart shuddered and cracked. “I’m sorry. I never—”
“It’s not your fault. Don’t be sorry.” He stepped toward me, face falling. “It just can’t stay like this. Okay? I know you don’t feel it like I do, and I’m glad for that. But I’m not strong enough to keep going like this.”
When his voice choked off, his shoulders slumped, and my eyes burned. “I never meant for this to happen.”
“I know, baby.”
“We can break it. The bond.”
Like I’d punched him in the gut, Jai gasped and staggered back several steps. A flicker of pure horror crossed his face before his expression locked down to a blank mask. “Oh. Okay.” He sounded hoarse and tired, so tired. “That’s… okay. It’s possible to break it, if that’s what you want. It’s weak, but the longer it remains, the harder it will be to sever it. So we shouldn’t wait too long.”
My heart shrieked at the mere notion of such a thing, but I didn’t know how to say that. Because Jai didn’t want this, and I would never force it on him. So I swallowed my hurt and my heartbreak and said, “Okay. If that’s what you want.”
Against my will, a tear escaped and trickled down my cheek, my lower lip quivering. Jai stared at me, mouth gaping. The confusion morphed to frustration.
“Why do you think I’d want to break it?” he demanded, his eyes sparking furiously. “Why would you ever think that?”
“You just said you couldn’t keep doing this. You said you didn’t want the bond.” My voice gave out, and he was suddenly right in front of me.
Large hands grasped my shoulders and shook me. “I never said that. It’s like you’re not even listening to a word I’m saying!”
Cowering away from him, I fought his hold on my arms. “Why are you yelling at me?”
“Because I’m so fucking angry.” He snarled the words. “Because you’re breaking my heart. Because, sometimes, you’re so fucking stupid.”
“I’m sorry!” I cried.
“For what?” His eyes were half-crazed as he captured my face in his hands, forcing me to hold his gaze. “What are you sorry for?”
My lips parted, but no words came. He ground his teeth.
“You don’t even know, do you?” He released me roughly, and I stumbled back a step. “I can’t—you’re so—”