One
The pit in Lucky’s gut grew with every passing moment. There had always been something missing inside him. He swore he felt the darkness turning blacker every day. Yet he kept smiling. His boyfriend, Javier, hadn’t wanted to come to Tobin and Sergio’s wedding with him. That was fairly par for the course with Javier. He never wanted to do anything Lucky wanted to do. Javier found Lucky’s life tedious and didn’t consider it his responsibility. If Lucky wanted to do anything he liked, he had to do it alone. Lucky was used to that.
In this case, Tobin and Sergio weren’t really Lucky’s friends, per se. The pair had invited Lucky to their wedding, nonetheless. They were already married and had been for a while. But Tobin had been battling cancer, and they had chosen to wait on a wedding. Lucky liked Tobin, so he had shown. Without Javier to keep him in check, Lucky had made one poor decision after the other all night, starting with drinking too much and ending with leaving the reception with Damon.
Damon owned a bar Lucky frequented. He was the only person on the planet who had stuck by Lucky’s side without also expecting sex in exchange for tolerating him. Not that Lucky would turn down sex with Damon, but he had known Damon would be a safe friend to hang out with for the night. The guy was way too jaded to want Lucky. Plus, he not only thought Lucky was much too young for him, he also saw Lucky for his true self. Damon knew Lucky was a mess. Sure, Lucky modeled and played bit roles on television. People called him sexy and beautiful. Maybe he was, but Lucky had been trapped behind this face his entire life. He didn’t look the same on the inside. It always took men a few months, but—without fail—they saw his true face in the end. Eventually, he made each and every one strike out against him. Lucky made people hate themselves for wanting him. Then they hated him too. That pit grew tonight. He felt it in his gut. Tonight would be the night he made Javier strike out. The tension had been brewing for about a month now, turning uglier by the moment. He already walked on eggshells. Things would explode soon.
That knowledge didn’t stop Lucky from smiling and teasing Damon nonstop. It was like there were two people inside him. One waited for the ax to drop. The other basked in the glow of triumph each time Damon laughed. Damon didn’t smile often. Lucky needed to be the reason at least one person found joy. Damon was the only one who gave him that satisfaction.
Like everything in life, Lucky’s time with Damon was temporary. The closer time creeped to the end of the night, the darker Lucky’s mind turned. It was ridiculously hot in L.A. right now, even at night. Combining that heat with the high winds warning that was in effect, the night was a recipe for wildfires. Lucky felt the danger brewing in the air. He moved to the edge of the bluff where Damon had brought them on his Harley. They had spent hours staring at the lights twinkling across the city and talked about nothing while never being quiet. A gust of wind nearly knocked Lucky off his feet. He closed his eyes and spread his arms wide. Lucky felt weightless with the wind whipping around him—like he could fly.
“I don’t know how you stand being that close to the edge. Heights are not my friend.”
A smile tugged at the corners of Lucky’s mouth. “Heights are harmless.”
“Unless you fall.” There was no missing the hard note to Damon’s tone. Damon always sounded somewhat chastising when he spoke to Lucky—like Lucky was the bad kid in class who needed to constantly be kept straight. Maybe he was bad. All it would take was one step and he could fly for real. Then he wouldn’t need to be kept in line any longer. Lucky would be free. His foot lifted. He debated whether he would take that irrevocable step forward or move back. His shirt tightened around his torso as Damon snagged the material and pulled him back.
“All right, No Fear. Time to go. I have to open the bar in a few hours, and I’d like to get a couple of hours of sleep before then.”
A hint of disappointment ran through Lucky before he turned and set eyes on Damon. As always, Damon took his breath. It had nothing to do with his looks. Damon was a sexy guy. He was easily six-two and had shoulders for days. His light-colored red hair begged for Lucky to run his fingers through it. It looked soft, like the slight curl to each lock would glide through his fingers. None of that was what drew Lucky to Damon, especially since Lucky was rarely single for long enough to go after Damon. No, it was Damon’s eyes. They were blue and haunted. He was black on the inside too. Lucky could see Damon’s soul through those gorgeous baby blues. Damon was broken. Just like Lucky.
Lucky pasted on a smile he didn’t feel and let Damon steer him toward the Harley. He hooked his arm around Damon’s waist. “I had a great time tonight. You’re not always a complete stiff.”
Damon snorted. “Sure I am. I’ve already lived my party days. This was nice, though. I haven’t stayed up all night talking in years.”
The admission warmed Lucky’s chest. He felt oddly proud of himself—like he had done good. Lucky didn’t ruin the moment by opening his mouth. Instead, he straddled the bike behind Damon and enjoyed the ride back to the historic hotel where the wedding and reception had been held. Lucky knew Damon only tolerated him. They weren’t really friends. Lucky wasn’t sure why Damon bothered with him at all, to be honest. He was grateful, nonetheless. If Damon hadn’t spent the night keeping Lucky distracted, maybe tonight would have been the night Lucky took that step forward into nothing just to see if he could fly.
At the door of Lucky’s Audi, Lucky slipped from the bike. He gave Damon a small wave while wearing his faked smile. The dread was already starting to build again. It was time to go home to Javier. Lucky made the drive to the upscale neighborhood where he lived with Javier Bisset. Javier was a highly respected heart surgeon twice Lucky’s age. It was possible Lucky had a bit of a daddy issue, but there was also something irresistible about Javier. He was tall, dark-haired, and handsome. Intelligence always flashed in Javier’s eyes, making people instinctively trust every confident word he spoke. He hadn’t swept Lucky off his feet as much as he demanded Lucky get in his bed. Lucky had simply been too weak to say no. It was nice not having to make decisions, especially since Lucky almost always made bad choices.
The lights were still on as Lucky came through the door, as if Javier still waited for him. He barely stepped one foot inside the three-story mansion before he found himself frozen in place. His shoulders fell. Lucky’s well-worn luggage set sat parked in the foyer. Javier was nowhere in sight. He moved to the toiletries bag that sat on top of the other pieces. Lucky unzipped the bag just enough to confirm his suspicions. His things were inside.
Lucky’s breathing sped up. He worried he might hyperventilate as he searched the usual places where Javier spent time when he was home. The living room, kitchen, theater room, and Javier’s office were empty. Lucky jogged up the stairs with his heartbeat pounding in his ears. He should take his things and go. Javier had obviously hoped Lucky would leave without argument. Lucky didn’t want to fight. He wanted an explanation. It had been one wedding. One fucking night without Javier at his side. How did one time of wanting to do what he wanted to do lead to this? Lucky could be better. He could try harder.
Their bedroom door was closed, proving Javier had gone to bed without him. No doubt Javier slept peacefully with no hint of concern over ending them. Lucky opened the door with more force than intended. His fear had him turning into the inelegant guy he was inside. Lucky’s breath caught in his throat. His heart stopped beating. The world seemed to darken around the edges of his vision. Javier wasn’t alone. As much as he wished he hadn’t seen a thing, Lucky noticed every detail. The flush on the guy's cheeks. His blond hair. Javier’s annoyance over being interrupted. Lucky knew he could turn away and Javier wouldn’t even miss a beat. His feet wouldn’t budge.