I have refused to acknowledge what they might mean, but as I stand here now, I wonder if that’s the reason she’s not here.
Remi has tried to talk to me, but I push her away before she even gets close. Is that what she’s been trying to tell me, that I’m going to be a father?
“Fuck,” I mutter, ripping my helmet off and running my hand down my face.
I can’t. I can’t be responsible for someone else, for someone so helpless. If she is p-pregnant, then she needs someone better than me to look after her. Someone like… someone like Conner.
Fuck.
I won’t follow the rest of the team to the commiseration party tonight. The only party I want to be a part of is a party for one with a bottle or two of vodka, or the pills I keep stashed away in my room just in case shit gets too hard to deal with.
The second we’re back at school, I march toward the car that’s waiting for me.
It’s mine now. James rocked up the other day with two brand new Nissan Skylines. Conner beamed from ear to ear and snatched the key from him faster than I thought he could move. I, however, turned my back on the whole situation and returned to my bedroom.
The second car still sits in the driveway unused. I refuse to accept his money. He might have helped us out with Donny—how the motherfucker knew what was going on, I have no idea—but I refuse to take his guilt money.
I might live in his house, but that’s as far as this goes. The second I get into college, I’m out of here, and I won’t be looking back. DNA is as far as my connection with him goes.
Shoving the key in the ignition, I twist it and wait for the car to come to life. It turns over and spits a little, but the piece of shit refuses to start.
“Not now, motherfucker.” I slam my hand down on the wheel, throwing myself back in the seat.
I don’t need this right now.
I blow out a calming breath, hoping a gentler approach might work. She’s old, she needs to be treated with care. “Come on, please,” I beg. Holding my breath, I turn the key once more. By some miracle, she comes back to life, and, with a relieved sigh, I make the journey back home.
The house is in silence—exactly as I’d hoped—as I make my way through to the kitchen. There are a fresh batch of cookies on the side. I pile a few up in one hand, swipe a bottle of vodka with the other and go to my bedroom to hide out.
Stripping out of my clothes, I head straight for the shower to wash what’s left of our loss tonight off me. Our opponents’ locker room was shit, and the showers were even worse.
I turn the water as hot as it’ll go and stand under as it scalds my head and shoulders. I barely feel it. The loss isn’t important—it doesn’t matter to me like it does the others. I couldn’t give a shit about winning the championship. All I want is a future. A future away from the Heights, away from the Bay, away from my past and my nightmares.
The thought of walking away and leaving her behind, though? That makes me stop and question everything. Can I really imagine a life without her? I may have only known her a few months at most, but she’s different to everyone else I’ve ever met.
She sees me in a way that no other does. She accepts me, broken, messed-up bits and all.
Is there anyone else out there who could ever do that? Look past the shit I’ve done, both to others and her, and still claim to love me?
I shake my head as the burning water continues to rain down on me.
The guy in her dorm room, and then Conner with his arm around her earlier.
It hits me.
It was him. It wasn’t Hayden. It was Conner.
“Motherfucker,” I yell, planting my fist into the tile beside me.
Before I know what I’m doing, I’m out of the shower and dragging on the clothes I discarded when I walked in.
The house where tonight’s party is being held is only a short distance away, and in minutes, I’m pulling up alongside the other cars lining the street.
Music booms from inside long before I’ve even made it to the front door. There are kids everywhere, but I don’t see any of their faces. I’m too set on locking eyes on the one I want.
People say things to me, but the words pass me by. I’m not here for small talk or to party. I’m here to settle something.
I see his hair first out in the garden. He’s surrounded by others, but when I glance around them, I don’t see Hadley’s platinum hair, so I continue forward.
“What the fuck?” Conner barks as he stumbles forward from where I pushed him from behind.
“Something you need to tell me, brother?”
Gasps and screams sound out around us, but when I look over my shoulder, I notice that people have started to back away. They know we can be volatile. Word spreads around this place quickly, so I’m not overly surprised.
“Uh…” He hesitates, and it pisses me off that he thinks he can get away with this.
“You seem to have taken something that belongs to me.”
“I don’t know what you’re… Oh.” He swallows nervously, and it’s all I need to know he’s hiding something. I know his tells, I’ve watched them for years.
The fact that he thinks he can go behind my back like this and get away with it is almost more unbelievable than him doing it in the first place.
“It’s not like that, bro.”
“So you didn’t spend the night with her?” He swallows once more. “And you didn’t pull her into your arms earlier and guide her up to her room?”
“Y-yes but—”
A roar rips from my lips, and before I know I’ve so much as pulled my arm back, my fist connects with his nose. There’s a loud pop before blood explodes across both of us.
He retaliates much faster than I give him credit for, and the second his fist leaves my eye socket, I feel it starting to swell.
“You’re a dumbass motherfucker, you know that?” he taunts me as we dance around each other.
“Tell me you haven’t touched her,” I demand. “Tell me nothing has happened.” He pales slightly, his steps faltering. “You fucking…” My words trail off as I launch at him, my fist reigning terror down on his face and torso. He fights back to begin with, but he must realize that he’s in the wrong here because he gives up.
“Cole, for fuck’s sake.” The familiar voice breaks through my haze, but it’s not enough to make me stop.
It’s not until hands wrap around my upper arms and I’m physically pulled back that I do.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Ace barks in my ear.
“He’s fucking her.”
“What?” Ace, Remi and Conner all snap at the same time.
“He’s fucking her.”
“No, he’s not. Don’t be stupid,” Ace says throwing me to the ground and standing between us.
“He spent the night with her. He went with her earlier. Ask him where he was during the game, go on.”
Ace’s brow raises in Conner’s direction.
“Yeah, okay,” he relents, “I was with Hadley, but I haven’t been fucking her.”
“Something has happened though, hasn’t it?”
He looks away from me for a beat before wiping at the blood trickling down his chin. “Yeah, but not because she wants me. It’s because she needs you, and you’re not fucking there. Pull your fucking head out of your ass and go and get your girl, Cole. Quit being such a fucking pussy. She doesn’t want me. For some fucked-up reason, she wants you. She needs you. Now do the right fucking thing, or walk away for good and let her live her life.”