“Cole, would you like any—”
“No,” I bark at Ellen as I march through the kitchen.
“When was the last time you ate?” she calls out to me as I continue through the house.
I have no idea. The only things that have passed my lips the last few days are alcohol and weed. Exactly as it should be in my quest to forget.
The sun has long set, and I’m beyond drunk when there’s a knock at my bedroom door.
I don’t respond, but that doesn't mean I expect whoever it is to get the message and leave. That’s not how we do things. I don’t, however, expect to see the head that appears when my lack of response is ignored.
“What do you want?” I bark at James when he invites himself inside and sits in the chair at the other side of the room.
“I think it’s time we talked, don’t you?”
“No,” I say bluntly, keeping my eyes anywhere but on him.
“Cole, I know everything came as a bit of a shock.”
“A shock?” I ask. “I thought you were just our uncle who didn’t care about us. Then suddenly I’m meant to just accept that you’re not our uncle, but our fucking father?”
“I know. I know. But you have to trust me when I say that I’d have done everything so differently if I had the chance.”
“Trust you?” I balk. “Fuck off. You could have done something. You could have taken us away any time you wanted, but no, you left us there. You left me there to be…” I trail off, not wanting to go down that road on top of everything else.
“I couldn’t go behind your mother’s back.”
“Why? You didn’t care about going behind Charlie’s all those years before.”
“Cole,” he growls. I ignore his warning. If he wants to come in here and talk, then we can fucking talk. But then he says five little words that make my blood turn to ice.
“I know what you did.”
I shake my head, thinking that I must have misheard. “What?”
“I know about Charlie.”
My chin drops. That can’t be possible. “How?”
“How do you think it got covered up so easily? Donny certainly wasn’t going to help keep your name clean.”
“But—”
“I saw you leave the house that night, Cole. Deny it all you like, but we both know the truth, don’t we?”
I shake my head, because he can’t know the truth.
He can’t.
“You know nothing,” I say.
“That’s what you’d like to think, but it’s simply not true.”
“Whatever. I’m done with this conversation.”
I swing my legs from the bed, and my fingers are wrapped around the door handle when he speaks next.
“Go and see Hadley, Cole. Stop punishing yourself for something you couldn’t have stopped.”
“That’s just it though. I could have stopped it. I shouldn’t have gone anywhere near her in the first place.”
“We can’t help who we love, Cole. I know that better than anyone.”
I have the door open when he says, “I think it would be best we kept your secret between us, don’t you?”
Without answering him, I fly through the house and across the backyard. I need to get away from that house, from everyone who thinks they know what’s best for me.
They can’t possibly know what I need right now. None of them are in my head, none of them fucking understand.
Apart from her.
I walk along the beach until I’m forced up a path that I know will take me to the dorms.
I tell myself over and over to turn back, but because I’m unable to stop causing myself even more pain, my feet continue forward until I’m standing in the trees that surround the building and looking up at her window.
Hadley’s light is on, but there’s no movement inside, although I know she’s up there. Fucked up, I know, but I can feel her. It makes it a little easier to breathe, knowing she’s close. Although I have no intention of getting any closer. I shouldn’t even be here, but my self-punishment knows no bounds.
I have no idea how long I stand there for, willing her to come to the window just so I can see her face. But when there is movement and a figure does appear, it’s not her. It’s a guy.
My fists curl so tight that my nails dig into my palms to the point I swear I must draw blood. Stumbling back, I crash into a tree before sliding down until my ass hits the cold, damp ground beneath me.
My eyes remain on her window, hoping for a glimpse of the motherfucker I’m going to have to kill next. But I never find out.
The next thing I know, the sun is burning through my eyelids, and when I drag them open, I find myself curled up on the ground, still facing her window.
Chapter Seven
Hadley
Everything is a mess.
I can hardly focus in class, I’m lying to Miss Jones and the team about why I can’t practice, and Cole barely looks twice at me.
Donny Lopez is gone, but the scars of that night are still there. I wake in the middle of the night, clutching the sheets and soaked in sweat. I can still taste the acrid smoke, feel the heat closing in around me. Sometimes, I dream we don’t make it out, that the flames engulf us, burning the skin and flesh from our bones.
A shudder rolls through me as I shake off the memories.
“Hey,” Remi approaches me. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay.” I hitch my bag up my shoulder and keep walking, but she falls into step beside me.
“Any morning sickness?”
“Remi!”
“What?” Guilt flashes in her eyes. “No one can hear us.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Hadley, I know things are—”
“No, you don’t. Look,” I stop in front of her, “I know you’re only worried, but I need to deal with this on my own.”
“Hads, come on, I just want to help.”
“But you can’t.” A heavy sigh escapes my lips. “No one can. I’ll see you around, Remi.” I take off before she can stop me.
I don’t want to talk about it.
Any of it.
I just want to survive the day, go back to my dorm room, and do it all over again tomorrow. But as I round the corner, Miss Jones spots me.
“Hadley, my office.”
Ugh.
This is the last thing I need, but I know if I try to evade her, it’ll only make it worse in the long run. I keep my head down as I follow her down the hall and out of the other door, toward the gym. A couple of girls shoot me a scathing look as I enter the locker room, but I let it roll off my back.
I have bigger things to worry about.
“Come in,” she says, dropping into her chair.
Closing the door, I take a seat. “What’s up, Miss J?” My smile feels all wrong.
“I could ask you the same thing. You’ve missed practice all week.”
“I told you, I pulled a muscle.”
“I know. But I see things, Hadley. I hear things. Something is off with you, and I’m worried it has to do with Cole Jagger.”
“It doesn’t,” I blurt out.