Her brow lifts. “I haven’t seen the two of you together since Monday. And then you missed school Tuesday and Wednesday. If something happened with—”
“It didn’t. I was sick Tuesday and Wednesday. Really sick. I think it was bad chicken from that diner downtown.”
“And now you’ve pulled a muscle?”
“I’m sorry, Miss J, I just haven’t been feeling one hundred percent, so I didn’t want to do more harm than good.”
“I’m glad you took the initiative to give yourself some time to recuperate. But I get the feeling you’re not telling me the whole story.”
This is my chance. But I’m not sure how she’ll take the news that I want to quit the team. It was part of my terms of enrolment here—I would join the cheer team so Miss Jones could keep an eye on me, and my parents could ease whatever sliver of guilt they had over shipping me off to a new town.
Taking a deep breath, I choose my next words carefully. “Since it’s senior year and I want to focus on my future, I think I should prioritize my classes.”
She steeples her fingers, leaning forward slightly. “What are you saying?”
“I want to quit the team.”
“Hadley, that’s not—”
“Look, I know you promised my parents that you’d keep an eye on me. And you still can. We both know my heart isn’t in cheer. The girls don’t like me, they tolerate me at best. And to be honest, I’m struggling to keep on top of everything.” I throw that last line in, hoping she’ll feel sympathetic toward me.
“How long have you felt like this?”
“I never wanted to join the team, Miss J. It’s nothing personal, but cheer was part of my old life, in Gravestone.”
“I see.” She studies me. “Your father won’t—”
“My father isn’t here,” I hiss, immediately lowering my voice. “Sorry, it’s just a sore subject. I’m eighteen, shouldn’t I be allowed to make some of my own decisions? I’ve followed the rules, I’ve tried really hard to—”
“Okay, okay.” She holds up her hands. “I get it, I do. I know your parents can be difficult...”
That is an understatement.
“They just wanted to know you were happy here.”
She’s deluded. My parents didn’t care about what I wanted. They still don’t. My father likes control. He likes a tightly run ship, and I veered off-course.
“I’ll do whatever you want me to,” I plead. “I’ll check in regularly, or take extra credit, but I can’t do this anymore.”
“You really don’t want to be on the squad anymore?”
“I don’t.”
“I want bi-weekly meetings. I need something to tell your parents.”
“Consider it done.”
“And I’ll be asking all your teachers for regular reports.”
“Fine.” God, she’s as bad as them. I’m not a child anymore. I’m pregnant, for God’s sake. Growing another life inside me.
Emotion overwhelms me, but I force it down. I can’t break, not now. Not in front of Miss Jones. She’ll never let me leave without answers if I start crying.
I stand, desperate to get out of here.
“I meant what I said last time we talked, Hadley. My door is always open.” Her smile is sincere, but her words can’t be trusted. Not when she’s on their side.
“I’ll see you in two weeks,” I say, hurrying out of there... and running straight into Marissa.
“What’s your problem?” she sneers.
“Leave it, Marissa.” I barge past her.
“Just because Cole decided to dump your pathetic ass, doesn’t mean you have to take it out on us. We’re supposed to be a team.”
I shoot her a scowl over my shoulder and say, “Not anymore.”
And then I get the hell out of there.
I manage to get through the day. Every time someone shouts in the hall or accidentally bumps into me, I recoil, panic flooding me. Until I remember I’m safe.
Donny is gone.
He can’t touch me anymore.
There’s a big game tonight, but I only feel relief that I won’t have to be there. I’m not sure I could face Cole.
But as if the universe thinks I haven’t had enough to deal with lately, as I exit the building I almost collide with him.
“Shit,” he groans, tensing the second he realizes it’s me.
“I, uh... sorry.” I brush the stray hairs from my face and hover awkwardly.
There was a time I would have moved closer, seeking out his darkness. But everything is different now.
He’s different.
I’m different.
“How are you?” he asks.
“I’m okay.” Liar. “I should go.” I thumb toward the path that leads to the dorm buildings.
“Hadley, wait,” he calls after me, the sheer desperation in his voice reaching something inside me.
“Yeah?” I ask as I glance back.
Our eyes connect, jolting me with electricity. Cole looks as bad as I feel. His eyes are ringed with dark circles and his skin is pale, and he looks like he’s living on as little sleep as I am.
Everything becomes white noise around us, the laughter and chatter, footsteps on the pavements, the purr of expensive cars roaring to life. It all drowns out until I can hear nothing but the thud of my heart against my chest.
“Nothing,” he finally says, dashing the foolish flicker of hope I’d felt at hearing him call after me.
Doesn’t he realize he only needs to say three little words to fix this mess?
To fix us?
Without another word, I turn away and take off toward my dorm building. I won’t beg him to love me, not again. Not when I know that sometimes love isn’t enough.
It wasn’t enough for me and Tim, and it isn’t enough for me and Cole.
Maybe that’s my destiny, to never be quite enough.
Tears sting eyes, but I try to keep them at bay. Once I’m in the safety of my room, I’ll let myself break. Only as I reach the building, another voice calls out to me.
“Hadley, wait up.”
“Not now, Conner.” I hurry toward the door, desperate to get inside.
“Just give me a second, please.”
I scramble to get my key out of my bag, but I’m not quick enough. Conner snags my wrist and pulls me gently back. “I just want to talk.”
Slowly, I lift my face to his.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, concern shining in his eyes. “Tell me what happened.”
The dam breaks and tears roll down my cheeks.
“Fuck, Hads, come here.” He pulls me to his chest, hugging me tight. “Shh, I got you. I got you.”
But it shouldn’t be Conner consoling me, it should be Cole.
“Tell me what you need?” He coaxes me from his chest and holds me at arm’s length. “Tell me who I’ve got to hurt?”
I manage a small smile at that. Conner always makes it so easy. “I need sleep. I’m so exhausted,” I admit, instantly feeling like a weight has been lifted.
“You’ve been having more nightmares?”