Thoughts of facing Cruz make me shudder.
He’s going to be seriously pissed that I lost and then just took off.
I move my hands into my jacket pockets, wrapping my fingers around a packet of cigarettes. It’s tempting to light up, but I don’t want Arley smelling smoke on me when I get back, so I resist the urge and walk up the hill toward the small group of shops. There’s a diner there that serves the best breakfast burritos, and I’m hankering for one.
Scanning the street for my car, I figure I must have parked it a couple blocks east like I normally do. Then did I just stumble my way to Jade’s place?
Crazy.
What did she think when I turned up at her door? I must have looked like a beaten-up mess.
Dabbing my split lip, I run a finger under my nose. Jade, yet again, cleaned me up. She’s a good woman.
I’m not in love with her, but I need to stop messing around and get her and Arley away from this place. I could leave. Sure, Cruz would kill me for it, but as long as we don’t get caught, we’ll be fine.
When I get back with the food, I’m going to suggest it to her.
It’ll feel weird leaving this life behind—another change to adjust to, another thing that will no doubt make me feel untethered. But it’ll be for the best.
Reaching the diner, I walk in and smile at the guy behind the counter.
His eyes bulge at me for a second, and I quickly explain, “MMA fighter. Got my ass kicked last night.”
His worried frown turns into a grin. “Cool. I mean, not the fact that you got beat, the fact that you’re a fighter. That’s pretty cool.”
I give him a half smile and pull out my wallet, scanning the board above his head. “Can I grab two burritos stuffed with everything and one kiddy bacon and egg burrito, please.”
“For here?”
“Nah, to go, please.”
The guy rings up my order, and I hand over the cash before stepping back to perch on the stool to wait.
Smells are wafting across the counter, and I inhale the yummy scent, thinking about my brother and how freaking awesome his burritos were. They were one of his specialties. Cooper and I used to joke that it was his signature dish. Michael would go all red, then roll his eyes. He was never great with taking compliments.
Man, I miss him.
I wonder where he is right now.
It better be some place good.
I hope he’s working in some diner… or a 5-star freaking restaurant.
Or maybe he’s found a place working on a farm somewhere. He always loved the ranch, nature, the horses. He couldn’t get enough of that stuff.
Maybe I couldn’t either.
I didn’t love all the chores, but those mountains… they spoke to my soul.
I should take Arley and Jade to the mountains. They’d love it. Fresh air, the smell of pine. Sure, the winters can be brutal, but it’s worth it.
I let myself think about the ranch while I wait for my food. I wander through that wooden house, then scramble up the ladder, walking past Cooper’s door and into my room. It was always a little messy. Grandpa would rag on me, but it’d also make him laugh. He was more concerned with how I treated my family than the state of my room.
My mind leaves the house and walks down to the workshop I spent hours tidying. It became my place. We installed a punching bag down one end, and the rest was for building… creating.
“Here you go.” A bag is placed on the counter beside me and I flinch, forcing a smile.
“Thanks.”
“Better luck with your next fight, dude.”
I nod and give him a little wave.
Leaving the diner, I concentrate on the walk back to the apartment. Enough dreaming about a past I can never get back.
It’s time to think about the future and creating a safe, happy life for Arley.
The kind of life I had on the Barrett ranch.
A life that was snatched away too soon.
8
An Unlocked Door
Anger brews before I can stop it.
Every time I think back to the night Grandpa was stolen from us, I’m filled with an overwhelming hatred. It’s quickly followed by a mind-numbing fear that blinds me.
What we did…
I’ll never regret it.
Getting rid of our evil father was the right move.
He killed the only man I’ve ever loved.
But it still plagues me sometimes.
The way we covered up what we did. Got rid of the all the evidence.
Pulling in a sharp breath, I try to rid myself of the memories. Try to remind myself that I’m not a murderer.
Which I’m not.
I didn’t pull the trigger.
Although I was probably the reason why the gun was fired. After Dad pushed Grandpa over and he hit his head on the fireplace, I went ballistic. I lunged at my father like a feral cat, clawing, punching, hitting. Rage fueled every fiber of my body, but Dad was raging too. His anger gave him super strength—like the freaking Hulk. He would have choked me to death if Cooper hadn’t walked in and ended it all.
The silence that followed the gunfire was the loudest this planet has ever known.
Closing my eyes, I stop for a second, resting my hands on my knees and forcing air through my nostrils.
The anger is trying to kick my ass again.
It always makes me do stupid shit, and I need to rein it in before I get back to Arley. I never want her to see me firing. The rage takes over, and I can barely see straight.
Arley wouldn’t understand, and I never ever want her to experience the kind of fear I have.
Forcing air into my lungs, I listen to Grandpa’s soothing voice. “Take it easy. That’s it. One more breath now. Breathe in the calm, breathe out the anger. That’s it. You’re doing great.”
I stay put until I’m back in control, the black nightmares from years passed are safely tucked away again, and I can see ahead of me without a red haze in the way.
“Arley.” I whisper her name, reminding myself to smile and approach the apartment with a bounce in my step.
Walking up the concrete stairs, I get to the door and rap twice.
The door swings open like it was already unlocked.
I frown.
That’s weird.
Jade’s usually paranoid about that kind of thing. Did I remember to check that the door was locked after I walked out this morning?
Pushing the door wide, I step in and drop the burrito bag on the couch.
Arley’s not at her coloring table anymore.
The container of crayons is spilled across it. A couple have rolled onto the floor. The pale pink blanket she’s often dragging around is lumped on the floor, but Mr. Rabbit isn’t there.
“Arley? You’re not waking up your mom, are you?”
I shut the door behind me and walk into the short hallway. Jade’s door is wide open. I roll my eyes.
What’s the bet Arley got bored waiting for me and went in to wake up her mom so she could watch TV?
“Arley,” I softly reprimand as I step into Jade’s room, noticing the rumpled empty bed.
And the red… paint.
What?
My stomach jumps into my throat.
That’s not paint.
“Arley!” I choke out her name, scrambling around the bed and dropping to my knees when I spot Jade.
She’s collapsed on the floor, her hand resting on her blood-soaked pajama shirt.