“What?” I gaped. “I just did all those push-ups!”
“That was for swearing. This is for losing your temper up in the house and breaking Jake’s favorite toy.”
“This is so unfair!”
“Is it?”
“What happened to mercy?”
Grandpa Ray chuckled and patted my shoulder. “If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t take the time to teach you hard work and discipline. You want to be a fighter?” He didn’t wait for me to respond; we both knew there was nothing else I could be. “Then you build those muscles with some sweat and labor. You work hard, you learn to breathe, and I can build you into the kind of man who is strong enough to protect the people he loves. You’re quick on your feet, and you’ve got a bazooka fist. Those are assets… when they’re used properly.”
Julio’s fist connects with my jaw, and I’m thrown backward, stars scattering my vision as I hit the pad.
“Get up!” Cruz yells from outside the cage. “Concentrate! Where’s your head!”
I roll onto my stomach, willing my head to stop spinning.
What the hell would Grandpa think of me now? All those boxing lessons, those breathing exercises, the running, the building, the hard work. He trained me, honed my muscles, taught me how to channel my energy.
And it worked. I learned how to contain the rage that wanted to bust out of me.
But what am I really?
A cash cow for some gang leader?
Is this really the future Grandpa wanted for me?
Protect the ones you love.
I force my body up, thinking of Arley and how the extra ten percent will help her and Jade.
Swaying on my feet, I lick the blood streaming from my nose and am willing my body to fight on when a flying kick comes out of nowhere.
I’m downed before I see it coming.
The roar of the crowd reverberates around me. It’s a thunderous celebration blending with a string of vile curses.
“Get him out of there!”
Rough hands grab me, forcing me up and out of the cage.
I wobble to the back room, flopping onto a hard bed so a doctor can check me out.
The world turns a little hazy for a moment, but then I come to, suddenly aware of what I let happen.
I lost focus. Let memory lane take me down a road that got me beat.
Cruz is going to force me to make it up to him. I’m going to have to win every freaking fight from now on, and I probably won’t get a cut until I’ve earned back what he lost tonight.
The thought exhausts me.
When I first started fighting for him, it was a thrill. He was impressed by my fire. It was a chance to burn off all the worry and energy that tried to eat me every time I stopped to think about my real family.
I could pound flesh and come out triumphant. It was the perfect job for me.
But now it’s something else.
It’s something I endure for the sake of a few bucks.
It’s a life that suddenly feels like a prison sentence.
With a groan, I sit up.
“Stay put,” Dr. Reece grumbles, turning out of the room.
I ignore him, stumbling off the bed and making a beeline for the back exit.
I can’t be here right now.
I am a free man, and I need to see the girls.
I need to lie on that threadbare couch and remind myself that there is goodness and purity in this world. That I’m getting my ass kicked for a noble reason.
6
I’m Lost Without You
The air is cool, the grass beneath my knees still damp.
The sun is trying to rise behind my back, filtering through the branches and slowly illuminating the dull gravestones in front of me.
“So…” I let out a shaky breath. “Aunt Valerie was pretty pissed. She ranted for a good twenty minutes before Uncle Ling got home to calm her down.”
I sniff, kind of relieved the story is coming to a finish.
Telling my parents what I’ve been up to was harder than I thought it’d be.
“She’s grounded me for, like… the rest of eternity. So, you’re probably… well, maybe you’re wondering why I’m here and not in my room the way I’m supposed to be, but… uh…” I sigh. It’s a heavy sound. “I’m… I can’t stay anymore, you guys. I can’t… keep doing this.”
Tears well up from out of nowhere, suddenly taking me out.
I fight them as best I can, holding in the sob shaking my belly.
Leaning forward, I run my hand over my parents’ names.
“I miss you,” I whimper. “I should have gone with you that day. I should have told you that boating is cool and that being together as a family is more important than anything.” I close my eyes and the tears are set free, trailing down my cheeks as I suck in a ragged breath. “I’m sorry I rejected your invitation. I’m sorry I’m not gone too. Nothing’s the same without you. I feel so… I’m lost.” My voice pitches. “I don't know who I am without you. No one understands me. No one gets me the way you guys did.”
Slashing the tears off my cheeks, I sniffle some more, aware that my cheeks are probably smeared with yesterday’s black mascara. I must look like some heinous zombie.
But I didn’t have time to wash my face last night. I had a plan, and I stuck to it.
After my aunt and uncle went to bed, I crept around my room, packing all the essentials and loading it into my car.
Uncle Ling sleeps like the dead, and Aunt Valerie was so upset she took a pill to help her into la-la land.
And before their alarm started beeping this morning, I made my escape.
I left a note.
Not sure what they’ll think of it.
Aunt Valerie said she didn’t want me, but I doubt she’ll just let me run away either.
I should probably get moving before they wake and start trying to find me.
Wiping my finger under my nose, I sniff away my tears and say my final goodbyes.
“I don’t honestly know what you’d think of me leaving, but even if you don’t agree, I know you’d try to understand where I was coming from. I love you guys. And I’m sorry if I haven’t coped with losing you the way you wanted. But I just need to go. I need a new start. I need to get away from every reminder of you… I need to find myself. So, I’ll head east. Maybe Boston—we always talked about going there. Or Florida could be fun too. And then, of course, there’s New England. Remember, Mom, that book Evening?” A sad smile plays with my lips, the memory made bittersweet by the fact that our plans will never unfold the way we dreamed. “We were gonna read that book again, sitting on the shores of Maine.” A shaky breath rattles my chest. I lick a tear trailing past my lips and sniff. “I’ve got the college fund you left me.” My cheeks grow warm as I wince and admit, “I know I’m not supposed to access it for anything other than college, but… you know, I kinda need it now. I’ve left the trust fund alone. I know you want that to mature for a few more years.” I worry my bottom lip, wondering if they’re proud or ashamed of me. “You know, if you didn’t want me touching it, you shouldn’t have made it such an easy hack. Really, Dad? Using my name as your password? You know better than that.” I gaze at his headstone and wonder if it was intentional somehow. “I changed it. Mom, you’d be proud. It’s a pretty strong one. I’m not sure even you could break it.”