“That’s debatable,” Liza said. “You did try to murder someone today.”
“Not someone. I tried to kill Don. Why are you all suddenly acting like I’m crazy?” Why can’t I untie this freaking rope? “Besides, no therapist is going to agree to come help someone accused of murder.”
“I know one,” V said.
“Well obviously a therapist that’s willing to help a man who lives behind a mask isn’t very good at what he does. No thank you.”
“That’s a little harsh,” Liza said. “And before you throw something back at me, can we just remind you that you’re not the only one that had to give something up the past few months? We’re in this together, whether we like it or not. You could at least make it a little more enjoyable to be stuck with you.”
“Are you comparing giving up your upscale Manhattan apartment to what I've been through? Cry me a river.”
“You’d know I gave up more than that if you bothered to talk to me!”
“And what, Liza? You’d be able to tell me what true loss feels like? Everything was taken from me. Everything I’ve ever cared about!” I struggled against my restraints.
“That. That right there. How is that supposed to make us feel? Because I thought we all cared about each other.” She glanced at V.
All she cared about was V. She was probably only sitting there pretending to care because he had asked her to be a part of whatever the hell this was. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. It was getting hard to breathe. “I need to go outside,” I said. “Will someone please untie me?”
They didn’t respond. The silence was so unnerving.
“Look, I’m not seeing the whack-job therapist that V uses who is clearly terrible at his job. And I’m not going to go find one on my own. Conversation over. Now untie me please.”
“My therapist doesn’t know I’m the vigilante,” V said. His voice rumbled lower than usual. “He’s good at what he does, it’s not his fault that I’ve been lying to him. And you’ll be using a fake name so he won’t connect the dots.”
I wanted to keep arguing with them. I wanted to prove that I wasn’t insane. But there was a benefit to meeting V’s ridiculous therapist. Maybe I could finally figure out who V was. “Okay, I’ll meet him.”
“That was easier than I expected,” Liza said.
“Well, you guys are right. I’ve been hard to live with.” As if they hadn’t.
“Or you could just talk to us,” V said. “Tell us what’s really bothering you. We’re your friends.”
Friends. I swallowed down the lump in my throat. Wasn’t that one of the problems? That we were once so much and now we were just friends? “No, I want to talk to your therapist.”
“But if you…”
Eli cleared his throat. “Perfect. He should be here in about twenty minutes. We thought you’d need more convincing.” He smiled at me.
I let my eyes focus on his lips. I barely remembered what it was like to kiss him. Why couldn’t I remember? God, maybe I was crazy. It felt like I couldn’t focus on anything.
“Fine,” V said as he stood up. “I’ll be in my room so he doesn’t see me.”
“Or you could stay and take off your mask.”
“Goodnight, Sadie,” he said without turning around.
The name Sadie hurt even more than the word friends. Whatever we had was dead. Why had they suddenly decided I needed therapy now? Was it because of my question for V this morning? I hoped he hadn’t talked to Liza and Eli about that. It was embarrassing enough hearing him say he didn’t love me to my face. I didn’t want anyone else to know and whisper about it behind my back. “Can you untie me now?” I asked no one in particular. I didn’t want to go outside anymore, but I still wanted to be free. Really, I just wanted to curl up in a ball in my bed and dream. My dreams were the only place I could truly be happy.
Eli sat down beside me and started untying the ropes.
I looked up at him. “You really think I need therapy?”
“I don’t know, Summer. Maybe it would help.” He pulled the rope away from my feet.
“I’m the same girl I was when I lived with Don. The only difference is that I’m stronger now.”
“That’s not the only difference.” He pulled the final rope away.
I rubbed my wrists as soon as they were free. “Yes, it is.”
“The Summer I fell in love with had hope.”
His words from earlier today came back to me. He said he didn’t even recognize me anymore. “I do have hope. I’m just hoping for something different.”
“Don’s death instead of the hope to live your life?”
I shook my head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
My eyes locked with his. “Maybe that’s the problem. I don’t see a reason to try anymore. Wouldn’t it be better if you were relieved when I died instead of missing me?”
Eli lowered his eyebrows. “No. And I think you’re underestimating how much I care about you. Even when you’ve been pushing me away. If you died, I’d miss you every day.”
I couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to know that at least one person still cared if I was breathing. “But I’ve been such a bitch.”
He laughed. “I never said that.”
I leaned over and nudged my shoulder against his.
He nudged mine back. “I know all of this is hard. I lived undercover for over a year. It’s easy to lose yourself.”
“Yeah.” But I wasn’t sure that was my problem. If anything, I desperately wanted to forget who I was. I wanted to be able to let go of all the pain I was holding on to. I didn’t want to tell Eli that, though. How could you tell someone who liked you that you wanted to throw up every time you looked in the mirror? I hated who he loved. “I hate the snow,” I said to break the awkward silence that had settled around us.
“Why?”
I thought I knew why, but my confession held more weight than I imagined. I had lost my baby in a blizzard. Before that I had loved the snow. It reminded me of Miles. Now that I had lost him too? “Nothing good ever happens in the snow.”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t have been aiming a pistol from an insane distance. If you'd fired it, you would have added to the evidence that nothing good happens when it snows You could have easily hit a child, Summer.”
I wiped a stray tear away. “Maybe I have lost my mind. It just feels like the longer this goes on, the more I lose.” I let my eyes meet his again. I had lost Miles. I had lost V. And I had lost Eli too. “No one believes in me anymore.” That wasn’t exactly what I meant. But how could I tell him that no one loved me anymore? That it felt like for one second I had everything and it was all taken away again?
“I’m not going anywhere.”
It was like he could sense my true confession.
He scrunched his mouth to the side, the action that reminded me of Miles so much. My heart constricted.
“Dr. Miller is here.” Athena’s voice flooded the apartment.
Eli cleared his throat. “Dr. Miller thinks your name is Alison Montgomery. Talk to him, but try not to give him any information he doesn’t need.” He looked up to one of the cameras mounted in the corner of the living room. “Athena, secure the base.” He stood up and put his hand out for me. I ignored the sound of the faux wall descending. It would hide our surely illegal security and training set up. I had thought it was an unnecessary and expensive precaution. But we were finally using it now. Besides, it didn’t matter. I had all the money in the world and barely any time to use it.