‘Hello,’ Oliver calls out once we’re through the door.
‘In the living room,’ my mum calls back.
I let Oliver go first, following just a few steps behind him.
‘Have you had fun?’ my mum asks him, but Oliver doesn’t get a chance to reply before she notices me slinking into the room behind him.
‘Cara!’ she shrieks, jumping to her feet. ‘Oh my God, Cara! Is that you? I thought Oliver had brought a girl home for a second.’
Oliver seems to shudder at the thought. I’m sure he can't think of anything worse than bringing a girl home to meet his female relatives.
My mum hurries over to me.
‘Oh my God, look at you. You look so different. What happened?’
Thankfully my mum is smiling widely, so I can tell she approves.
‘I just decided my look needed a bit of a refresh,’ I explain. I notice my dad enter the room. ‘What do you think, Dad?’
‘Yeah, very nice,’ he replies. He wouldn’t think that if he’d seen me last night, in my little red dress, with rugby players fighting over me. He’d probably lock me in the cellar and throw away the key.
‘Stunning,’ my mum says, touching my hair. She lowers her voice. ‘Wow, it feels so real.’
Bless her, for even thinking twice about outing my new hair as fake, even if no one in this room thought my hair grew several inches since the last time they saw me.
‘Thanks,’ I reply. ‘I’m so relieved you like it.’
I glance over at my auntie and my cousin.
‘Hi,’ I say, in an attempt to bring them into the conversation. Sometimes I think my cousin has inherited her mum’s aversion to pleasantries.
I give them a sort of half-wave as I greet them. Well, we’re not on hugging terms.
‘Hi,’ Flora replies. No word on my new look.
My auntie gives me one of her famous tongue clicks.
‘What have you done?’ she asks me, but she doesn’t wait for me to reply. ‘I suppose this is all for Flora’s benefit?’
‘Of course it isn’t, Mary,’ my mum says, jumping to my defence.
‘You just want to upstage her at her wedding,’ Mary persists. ‘Why else would you change the way you look to something so… so… Kardashian?’
There’s a really snobbish, judgemental tone to her voice. My auntie is clearly not one for Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
‘The Kardashians are symptomatic of a toxic culture,’ Oliver chimes in. ‘But they’ve managed to cheat the system, to profit from it. That’s really quite smart. Plus, you know, women have the right to do whatever they want.’
My auntie rolls her eyes.
I smile at Oliver. I know I joke about how ‘woke’ he is, but it’s honestly such a breath of fresh air being around a male with a healthy take on feminist issues.
‘It’s just hair dye and a not-black dress,’ I point out. ‘It’s not a big deal.’
‘Cara might not even be coming, Mum,’ Flora tells her. It sounds as if she’s ticking her off, but this is just another dig. She knows I’m coming, she’s just making out as if I think the day isn’t important, for dramatic effect. Well, she isn’t getting a floor show from me.
‘Of course I’m coming,’ I say, sitting down on the sofa with my mum. ‘In fact, I have a plus one.’
‘What?’ Flora says. ‘Really? What about Lloyd?’
‘I know you’re still inviting him,’ I say, although I can still never quite believe my ex is invited to her wedding. ‘But you did say I could still invite a plus one.’
‘Yeah, but I didn’t think…’ Flora doesn’t finish that sentence. ‘So, who are you bringing? What’s his name?’
‘M… Joe,’ I quickly correct myself. Probably best I use Millsy’s actual name, rather than his nickname.
‘And what does Mjoe do for a living?’ my auntie asks nosily. ‘Does he lock people up too?’
‘No, he’s an actor,’ I reply.
My auntie scrunches her nose. I don’t think she’s impressed.
‘What, like on TV?’ Flora asks excitedly. ‘Am I going to have a famous person at my wedding?’
‘Oh, no, he’s a theatre actor,’ I reply.
‘Oh, OK,’ she says. ‘Never mind.’
You’ve got to laugh at Flora’s priorities. Now that she’s realised there’s nothing in this for her, she isn’t at all interested.
‘Anyway, we’ll get off,’ my auntie says. ‘Let you get your dinner.’
My mum sees them to the door. To be honest, I’m glad they’re leaving. At least I can relax now.
‘Bye,’ I call after them.
I get half-hearted replies.
I pull myself up and wander into the kitchen. It smells just like Sundays. Beef, vegetables, Yorkshire puddings, gravy. I didn’t even tell my mum I was coming, but she does this every week without fail, and there’s always plenty for everyone.
‘Everything’s ready,’ my mum says, joining me in the kitchen. ‘You timed it just right.’
‘Not just right,’ I remind her. ‘Your sister was still here.’
‘She’s a little ray of sunshine, isn’t she? Just ignore her, your hair looks amazing.’
‘Thanks, Mum.’
As she removes Yorkshire puddings from the oven, placing them on the same plate she uses every week, I pinch one. It’s almost too hot to hold, but I’m starving.
‘You might look more sophisticated, but you haven’t changed.’ My mum chuckles. ‘Although you didn’t tell me you have a boyfriend.’
‘Oh, I don’t have a boyfriend, I just have a plus one.’
‘Joe the actor,’ my mum says.
I raise an eyebrow.
‘He’s a real person,’ I insist. ‘I’m not so desperate for a man that I’m imagining one.’
‘I didn’t think that, don’t be silly,’ my mum reassures me. ‘I thought maybe you were paying an actor.’
‘Hilarious,’ I say sarcastically. ‘You’re lucky your Yorkshire puddings are good, or I’d be off.’
‘There’s baked Alaska for dessert.’
‘Well, I guess I’d be off after that, then, wouldn’t I?’ I joke.
‘Well, I look forward to meeting this Joe,’ she says. ‘Fancy carrying some food to the table?’
‘Sure,’ I reply.
It’s weird, because obviously I want Millsy to be my plus one for the wedding, but I don’t think I’ve actually processed what that will entail. I’m going to have to introduce him to my family. My actual family. And while I’m certainly not going to be trying to pass him off as my boyfriend or anything, he’s still with me. Millsy, as generous as he has been, and as much fun as I have with him (I know I’ve only hung out with him for a couple of days but I can't stress how boring my days are usually), seems as if he has the potential to be a bit of a wildcard, and then there are his womanising ways I’ve heard all about. I suppose, at least, I don’t have to worry about him trying to pull me. Well, even if he is the ultimate womaniser everyone else claims he is, he still managed to hold down a female best friend, didn’t he? It’s definitely a relief to know that he does form sincere bonds with women, but it does niggle me, just a bit, because if he will supposedly sleep with anyone, I have to wonder what’s wrong with me that made him immediately usher me into the friend zone.