“It’s fine,” I said, knowing that he wouldn’t listen. “What are you doing here?”
“Evie told me that you called.” His eyes shifted to study my face, and I wondered if the sadness reflecting back at me was because he’d found me through a messenger or grief over his grandfather’s death. I wasn’t about to ask him.
I had not called Evie, though. Of course, Holden wouldn’t come. He couldn’t have been bothered to tell Spencer I’d called. And if he had, it would only add fuel to Spencer’s paranoia that something was going on between me and his twin. Betrayal stung my already fraying nerves. I guess I know where I stood with Holden.
“I apologize for earlier,” Spencer continued softly. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. Of course, you didn’t think you could call me. I wish you didn’t feel that way, but I understand. I just hope in the future you feel comfortable coming to me directly. Is that too much to ask?”
He spoke so genuinely that I almost believed him. But which was the real Spencer? The cruel one who spoke ugly words in the heat of the moment or the apologetic, thoughtful one standing before me now? A few months ago, I would have let him in, believing him to be the man standing on my doorstep. Now, I wasn’t so sure.
“You have your hands full,” I said, pressing a finger to my temple. “And I’m not feeling well. Maybe we should talk about this later.”
“Nothing is more important to you,” he said, taking a step closer. My body reacted to his nearness, and he took advantage, pressing forward until there was no space left between us. “Arrangements can wait until tomorrow. You can’t.”
We stood and stared at each other, neither of us wanting to give. Even with the dizzying proximity of his body, I knew the last thing I should do was let him walk into that room. Spencer must have sensed that because he continued to insinuate himself into the hotel room. Each movement was calculated to look unintended, even as he backed me into the space. It also brought him closer to me, making it harder to remember why he should stay in the hall and out of my bed.
“Why are you here?” he asked. “Why didn’t you go home?”
“I had a fight with Tod.” At least, that much was true.
“I see we’re all arguing with our family tonight,” he said with a wearied sigh. “Sometimes, you just have to escape them, right?”
I nodded. There was no use explaining to him that I wasn’t trying to escape my family. Spencer didn’t know about my arrangement with Tod or my real identity. He didn’t know how horribly wrong things had gone. He didn’t know any of it, and he never need to, as far as I was concerned.
“Can I come in?” He looked over my shoulder, his eyes landing on the bed. Then, he grinned shyly at me with the face of an apologetic puppy. “I was waiting for you to ask, but I was getting the feeling that you might not.”
“I was trying to decide if I wanted to ask,” I admitted. Maybe I didn’t want him here, but I didn’t want to be alone either. That’s why I’d reached out to Holden. And he’d sent Spencer instead. He left me with two choices: face that quiet hell alone or give in to temptation. I was trapped again. This time in a cage that Holden had chosen for me. It was his choice that drew the linchpin. The message was clear. He didn’t want me no matter what he claimed.
I stepped to the side to allow Spencer to enter.
He entered, and I closed the door behind him. We stood in the little space the room allowed; a heavy silence weighed down the air between us.
“Are you sure you don’t want a bigger room?”
“It doesn’t matter, but it seems like it’s important to you,” I said, feeling resigned to meeting his preferences. “I’m sure they have something else available if you’re planning to stay.”
“That’s not it.” He raked a hand through his hair, shaking his head with frustration. “I feel like everything I say is wrong.”
I didn’t respond. It was up to Spencer to explain himself or dig his hole deeper. I wouldn’t do it for him.
“Everything is happening so fast,” he said. “I know that’s not an excuse. Grandfather’s death just came out of nowhere.”
I refrained from pointing out his grandfather’s age or his recent health scare suggested otherwise. But if Spencer thought Lord Byrd’s death came out of the blue, then he was living in fantasyland. Not that I could blame him for that.
“I have to take his seat in the peerage,” he continued, “and there’s paperwork and titles and ceremonies and funerals.” The list grew and grew, each addition added more bitterly than the last before he finished with, “and the wedding.”
“Don’t worry about the wedding,” I said softly, hoping it sounded reassuring rather than dismissive. There was no reason for him to worry about the wedding. In three months time, I wouldn’t marry Spencer. I knew that deep down. I didn’t know how to get out of it yet, but I didn’t have any choice. I couldn’t live as Kerrigan Belmond for the rest of my life even if what Tod claimed was true. “It’s only a formality.”
“I know,” he said and smiled sadly. “I’m sorry it won’t be what you wanted it to be. I suppose it can’t be helped.”
“What do you mean?”
“Mother has already touched base with Iris. They’re handling the details. It’s likely that taking my seat in the peerage and the original date for the wedding would conflict.” Spencer reached out and took my hands. “I know it won’t be what you expected with needing to do it so quickly. I’ll make it up to you.”
“Quickly?” I repeated as my heart began to pound against my breastbone. Nothing could prepare me for the news he’d come to deliver. I already knew that.
“Three weeks. Maybe two if things can get in order.”
Chapter Eight
“Iris said dresses wouldn’t be ready. I imagine the more money we throw at it, the better. At least, mother is accustomed to throwing last-minute soirees.” His hands squeezed mine, but I felt nothing but a distant pressure. My brain was too busy trying to process all this information. “But soon we will be married and moving on to the next stage of our lives.”
Our lives.
“Shouldn’t you be worried about your grandfather?” My mouth was dry and my mind was racing. I had to find a way out. There had to be some reason he couldn’t argue with or a way to convince him that there was no need to rush. “We should focus on the funeral and your family.”
“You are my family, and it can’t wait. It was always part of the plan. I would be married by the time I took my seat in Parliament,” he explained.
His sweet words lingered bitterly. “But—”
“None of us expected I needed to marry you this quickly,” he continued on, ignoring the interruption. “I’m just so glad that I have you to be at my side.”
I didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. No words I uttered would change his mind. I had no choice in the matter. That much was clear. The only thing I could do was run, but how? I’d already asked myself that tonight. Kerrigan ran before, and now I was back here in her place. Something had to change, and I had to be the one to change it. The trouble was that I was running out of time.