I look down at my menu, trying to decide what I want. “Not a lot. Work mostly. How about you?”
“Same,” he says, flipping through his menu.
“And how’s the family?”
He looks up. “They’re all doing good. My brother got into UCLA.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “What? Seriously?”
He smiles and nods, proud of his little brother.
“That’s amazing. I’ll have to send him a gift, something he can use for school or his dorm room.”
“He’ll really like that. They all miss you too, you know? I had dinner with them a couple weeks ago and they couldn’t stop talking about you.”
Now he’s going to guilt me with his family?
“Aww, tell them I miss them too,” I say, acting like I’m not picking up on his hints.
He opens his mouth to say something, but the waitress appears back at our table and cuts him off. “Are you two ready to order?”
“Yes,” I jump to say, checking the time on my watch. “I’ll just take the chicken Caesar wrap.”
She nods and writes down my order. “And to drink?”
“Um,” I look around, wondering what I should get. I never drink on my lunch and I’m seriously tempted but decide against it. “Just a Sprite, please.”
She nods and writes it down with my food order before looking over at Penn.
“Cheeseburger and onion rings and a Rolling Rock, if you got it.”
“We sure do,” she replies. “I’ll get that in for you.” She takes our menus and leaves.
“Hey, you remember that first time that we went to El Salvador’s?” he asks, sending me a smile as he leans in.
I smile a little thinking about that night. “Yes, I’ll never forget that.”
He nods and his smile gets wider. “We should go there again sometime.”
“Go there again? They said if you ever stepped foot in their establishment again, they’d call the police.”
He waves his hand through the air. “Nah, it’s been long enough now that I think they’ve forgotten.”
I tilt my head to the side and laugh. “They have your face on the wall with the word banned written under it in big, bold letters.”
His brows pull together. “How’d they get my picture?”
I shrug and turn my head to the side as I mutter, “I may have given it to them.”
He busts out laughing and I can’t help but join in. These are the times I miss. These are the moments that always pull at my heart and suck me back in. However, the times we were laughing and completely carefree grew further and farther between. Looking back on our relationship, I don’t remember either of us laughing the last six months we were together. We’re better as friends. I just hope that Penn comes to learn the same thing.
We talk about the good times we had and he purposefully leaves out all the bad times we had. We laugh and chat and eat, and before I know it, it’s pushing one p.m. I finish my Sprite. “I have to get back to work.” I pull out my wallet to pay for lunch, but he insists he’s got it.
“Oh, come on. Call off the rest of the day. Let’s go do something fun.”
“I can’t, Penn. I have responsibilities and meetings. I can’t just blow off work.” I try to hide the frustration in my voice but I know he can hear it. That’s Penn, always willing to have me risk my job or act like it didn’t matter. He never cared that I love this job. “Thanks for the lunch. I had a good time catching up with you,” I say, trying to soften the blow as I drop some cash onto the table and slide across the booth seat to stand.
He stands up with me. “I had a good time too, Wren. Please tell me we can do this again. Soon?”
I force a smile and nod. “I’ll get ahold of you,” I lie.
He lets out a long breath, knowing that he can’t force this right now. He’ll have to wait and guilt me again. He pulls me against his chest and hugs me tight. “Keep in touch, will ya?” he whispers as he holds me.
I nod as I pull back and he lets me go, not wanting to make a scene. “Bye. See you soon,” I say, rushing off and walking back to the office alone. I pull my purse higher up on my shoulder as I round the corner. As I’m approaching the stairs, I see Theo walking into the building. He doesn’t see me, but I can tell by his straight back and squared jaw that his mood hasn’t improved for the day.
I can only hope that turns around before I have to be alone in a room with him. Not that I’m afraid of him, but if I’m the only one in the room, then all that anger is pointed at me. Theo and I have gotten into more than one fight because of his bad moods. I’m the one person around here that won’t back down because he gives a stern look. We’re too close for that kind of relationship and he knows it. I just don’t know if he likes that I argue back. Either way, we both know I will if he asks for it. I just don’t have it in me today.
So much for hoping Theo’s mood improved. I sit a little shell-shocked at his outburst in my office just now. I let my head fall back against my chair and blink away a few stray tears that formed. It’s not his words that hurt—they’re actually true and I know he’s right—it’s everything else. It’s the frustration that I can’t just let go of this person in my life who has no part in it anymore; it’s that I feel endless guilt when I do think of things to say to cut Penn out for good. It’s the fear of just going home at night because I don’t know if this stranger on the train is actually stalking me or not.
I cross my arms on my desk and lay my forehead against them.
“Hey, you okay?” I don’t look up at Julie. I know she heard Theo lash out at me and I’m sure everyone on my floor heard him slam my door.
“No, but I will be,” I say, still not wanting to lift my head and see her looking at me with pity.
The workday finally ends and I waste no time in getting out of the building and to the train station, more than ready to go home. I wasn’t prepared to deal with Penn this morning and didn’t know what else to say when it came to lunch. Overall, the lunch wasn’t bad. It was just awkward sitting across from him and talking like nothing had changed between us. And to top it off, I definitely wasn’t prepared for Theo to get as angry as he did either.
I let out a sigh as I sit on the bench to wait for my train. I guess I can’t really blame Theo for getting annoyed with me though. He’s right. I always end up venting to him about all my problems. Sometimes those problems are about how my microwave broke. Sometimes it’s about more personal things like how Penn and I had been fighting. I’ve given Theo all the ammo he needs to fire away at Penn. So really, there’s nobody here to blame but myself.
I try to reverse the situation and think of how I’d feel if Theo was always complaining to me about a woman who was making his life miserable. I would guess that I wouldn’t like that woman very much. Theo is a great guy and I wish he’d find the right woman. He deserves to be happy and in love. And I… I don’t know what I deserve at this point. I’m never going to be able to move on and find the person I’m meant to be with if I’m always holding on to the past. I know deep in my soul that Penn isn’t my other half. I may have thought he was at one point in time, but that feeling has been gone for a long time now.