“I love you too. I always have. Come back to me. Promise me?”
I made a promise, and I intend to keep it because I am Puck fucking Kelly, and I don’t give up.
Opening my eyes, I frantically turn the wheel, but it’s too late as I’ve careened off the road and am headed straight for a tree. I don’t bother braking. Instead, I swerve and hope for the best. The airbag implodes the moment the bonnet connects with the trunk of the tree.
The engine dies with a splutter as I pat myself down, ensuring all my parts are still intact. I’m fine, just a gash to the forehead and some whiplash to the neck. The truck, however, is not.
Opening the door, I climb from the truck and exhale loudly when I see the damage. Swerving may have saved my life, but it didn’t save Cian’s truck. It’s a write-off.
“Fuck!” I scream into the skies, threading my hands through my hair. “Fuck!”
Birds take flight, terrified of the madman screaming down their home.
With my heart racing, I do feel slightly better. I don’t know if it was destroying something, or straddling the line of life and death which has woken me the fuck up because I clearly want to live. I’m no quitter. I never have been. I’m appalled at myself for even contemplating giving up.
I’ve been a miserable bastard, feeling nothing but sorry for myself, but that stops now.
Dialing a tow truck, I give them the address of where I am, but don’t stick around because I don’t want to be here in case the peelers arrive. I tell the driver to send me the bill and I’ll take care of it tomorrow. He doesn’t argue when I tell him my name.
Grabbing my things, I hobble up the embankment and commence my journey home. Up until now, I didn’t realize how much I wanted to live, but I realize…I want to live for her. I’m going to find her, and when I do, I’ll burn Sean’s kingdom to the ground.
A ferocious banging on my door scares the shite out of me.
I reach for my gun in the couch cushions and jump from the couch, half-awake as I point the gun at the door. But when I see who barges in, I lower it.
“Yer not fucking dead,” Cian says, slamming the door shut and storming over to me.
“Naw, I’m not, but bang any louder next time, and I will be. Ya near gave me a heart attack. Have ya not heard of a phone?”
He ignores my quip and shoves me in the chest. His arm is in a sling because when Rory shot him, bullet fragments ended up in his arm and shoulder, but he doesn’t allow that to deter him and shoves me again. I allow him to push me because this is the first time I’ve seen him since that night.
This has been a long time coming.
“I got a call from the peelers. He says to me, yer truck is at the wreckers. Do I know anythin’ ’bout that? He said the truck is banjaxed and that I was lucky to survive the crash. I told him I swerved to avoid hittin’ a dog and that I’m fine,” Cian says in a rushed breath. “But I’m not fucking fine, Punky!”
“I know that, Cian, and I’m sorry,” I calmly state.
“I am so fucking angry with you! How could you do this? Why did you have to kill him?” he cries, beseeching I explain. “I want to hate you, but I just…why?”
Cian knows Rory turned, but this is the first time he’s asked what happened.
“Because he betrayed me,” I reply without pause. “He broke my trust ’cause Cami broke his heart. There is no way around it. Rory handed Cami over to Sean because if he couldn’t have her, then no one could.
“He knew she wasn’t my sister. He read Sean’s journal before anyone else and then hid it, hopin’ no one would find it. He didn’t care. He wanted her for his own. But when I was released, he realized her love for me would never die.
“And then when she called off the engagement, and he saw us together…the boy we grew up with, Cian, he was long gone. Ten years is a long time. I never expected anyone to wait for me, but Rory fucking knew!
“He fucking knew what Sean did, and he let me rot. He could have shown that journal to any of youse, but he knew what that would mean for Cami and him. He knew that if she uncovered the truth, she would have never agreed to be with him.
“I couldn’t let him live. Not after what he did to Cami. His betrayal against me, I could forgive, but not for handin’ Cami over to the man who has destroyed my entire life. He made his choices, and I made mine,” I conclude with conviction.
“He told ya this?” Cian asks, clearly stunned.
“Aye. If he knew Cami wasn’t my sister, he would have read about Sean being my dad. He knew everythin’, and he didn’t give a fuck. For ten years, I rotted alone, thinkin’ I was doin’ the right thing. Rory could have ended that. But he didn’t. I couldn’t let him live,” I repeat, needing Cian to understand my actions.
“I don’t know where Cami is, and once again, I’m a prisoner. Sean won’t tell me where she is until I prove my loyalty to him. I don’t even know if she’s fucking alive!” I shout, shaking my head at this shitstorm.
“Thanks to Rory, I shot Orla Ryan dead. I let her go, only for Sean to outsmart me, yet again. She was hooked on the shite the Kellys dealt her because a Kelly took her father. That’s all us Kellys do—we take!”
I toss the gun onto the couch as I don’t need it. Cian is no threat.
He simply stares at me, void of emotion because there isn’t a single feeling which can sum this tragedy up. Even though everything I shared is the truth, that doesn’t make it any easier to digest. I suspect Cian feels betrayed by Rory and me.
“I can’t get my head around it,” he says. “How could he have known and not said anythin’ to us?”
I don’t understand it either, and I like to think he only found out the truth not long before I was released. I don’t want to believe he knew the truth for ten years and did nothing about it, because if that were true, then I really didn’t know Rory after all.
“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “He probably believed everyone was better off with me behind bars. And he wasn’t wrong. The shit I’ve caused…I can never take back. The lives lost because of me; I’ll never forgive myself for.”
“What a fucking mess.” Cian sighs, shaking his head. “Rory fucked up, but so did you, Puck. He didn’t deserve to die like that.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat because a part of me agrees with him. But Rory made his choice. “The man I shot was not the boy I knew. Given the choice, I’d kill him again.”
The room falls silent.
“How do we get past this?”
“We don’t,” I reply. “I can’t take back what I did, and I don’t want to. I’m okay with that. But are you?”
Cian’s cheeks billow as he exhales. “I don’t know,” he says honestly. “I can’t get the image from my head. I’ve not seen ye like that before. It scared me.”
“I’ve not been in a situation like that before, Cian. I saw no reason, no mercy. Rory took from me the only person I’ve ever loved and all because he was fucking jealous. It’s somethin’ y’d expect a chile or wee teenager to do, not a grown man, a man who y’ve known yer entire fucking life.