I clench my jaw because this load of shite is about to make me sick.
“I know I’ve let a lot of youse down,” he says calmly. “And I’m sorry for that. But I’m here to make amends. I’m here to make Northern Ireland what she once was. I couldn’t do that before because some of ye lost yer way. Ye forgot where yer loyalties laid.
“But I’m not here to dwell on the past. I want to look to the future, our future where the Kellys rule once more. Some of ye here used to work for Brody Doyle, and that’s all right. I make no judgements.”
That’s rich, as he too used to be in cahoots with Brody, and everyone knows it. But no one dares speak it in fear of their life.
“But Puck made the choice easy for you when he ripped that arsehole’s head from his shoulder. All that’s left standing is Liam Doyle—a soft pussy who lives in his father’s shadow. Unlike Puck, who is his own man.
“He’s eradicated most of the Doyle bloodline. He is lethal, and with him on our side, we cannot lose.”
The men look at me with nothing but pride. I wish they didn’t as I’d happily kill every single one of them if it meant Babydoll’s return.
“So, I ask ya here, now, do ya pledge yer loyalty to me, to the Kellys? Are ya ready to be the kings of Belfast once more?”
A holler echoes amongst the men as they beat their fists against their chests, voicing their allegiance. Ronan and Logan, however, don’t seem as enthused as the others. They merely lock eyes with me, begging I don’t do this.
Begging I take down Sean, just how I promised I would.
But I can’t.
All I can do is mimic the barbaric actions of the men, showing support for my father and hope that one day, my betrayal will be rewarded.
Logan curls his lip and turns around to leave, unable to watch as I bow down to the man who destroyed my life. I don’t blame him—if I had a choice, I would leave too.
Sean stands tall, relishing in the glory because this is what he always wanted but was never able to achieve. He’s lied, cheated, and killed to be here, and he’ll remain here because of me.
Once the applause ends, Sean turns his attention to me. “All I ask for is yer loyalty, and I will ensure y’ll be rewarded. But double-cross me, lie to me, and ye will be punished…that goes for ye all.”
It suddenly feels like he’s speaking directly to me, and when there is a scuffle to my left, I realize that’s because he is.
It seems Flynn and Grady have slipped into their lickarse roles with ease as they drag Orla into the room. She is skin and bone. There is no need for both of them to handle her, but it seems they’re happy to jump to command like the good little dogs they are.
They hold onto Orla, who peers around the room with fear in her eyes.
“This woman stole from us,” Sean says, ensuring he uses the word “us” so it’ll make what he’s about to do easier for the men to stomach. “When someone doesn’t pay for the gear they use, they are stealing from me, from you, from yer families.”
“Fuckin’ slut,” one of the men slurs under his breath.
“We can’t let this go unpunished. What will it say for us if we did? How can we rule this kingdom if we show weakness?”
“Kill her!” another man shouts.
This is what Sean wanted. To rile these men up, to have them bond over bloodshed as it’s something which will tie them together forevermore.
Sean returns his attention to me. “We can’t show weakness. That’s why we’re here,” he says, no longer talking about Orla.
This is my lesson for disobeying him. This was his test; one I failed.
He doesn’t trust me, as he shouldn’t. But now I realize what letting Orla go has done. Babydoll will pay the price for my clemency.
“Showin’ mercy is nothin’ but weakness, and I can’t have cowardly men on my side. Show them what happens to weakness, son.”
He reaches into the small of his back, producing a gun. I eye it viciously, as I do him. But I accept.
Orla whimpers. “Punky, please n-no. I did what ya asked, but they st-stopped me.”
My chest rises and falls dangerously slow because she never stood a chance. He was always watching, as Orla was the test to see what I would do. She was always going to be made an example of.
“I know,” I assure her as this isn’t her fault. It’s mine. “On yer knees.”
She blinks once, unsure if she heard me correctly, but when I press the gun to the middle of her forehead, she realizes that she did. “Please, don’t ki-kill me. I don’t wa-want to d-die.”
Flynn and Grady help her to her knees, their smirks revealing what sick fucks they are. I’m saddened I didn’t end their lives when I had the chance.
“How should she be made an example of?” Sean asks the men, who eye Orla in a new fashion. “Should we kill her? ’Cause that’s what she deserves.”
Orla interlaces her hands and begins to pray—just as her father did when in a similar situation. It makes me sick that history is repeating itself. I don’t know how much more I can take.
“Or maybe she can pay her debt another way?”
All I see are hungry wolves, licking their lips at the prospect of Orla being their whore. She will be shared around, abused and humiliated in ways that no person should ever endure. And once they are done with her, she’ll be killed—and killed slowly.
I know what I have to do.
“Lead us not into temptation…” she prays softly, eyes closed, begging for salvation.
But she won’t find any here.
“But deliver us from evil,” I whisper under my breath, and just as Orla peers up at me with hope, I pull the trigger. She leaves this earth with my face being the last thing she sees.
Forgive me.
The loud bang shatters the bloodlust.
“Should I leave her head on her father’s doorstep?” I goad Sean, slamming the gun into his chest. I don’t want it. “Oh, that’s right. Her dad’s dead.”
Sean reads my sarcasm and doesn’t push as he knows I’m close to my boiling point. I did what he wanted, so I push past the men and leave before I kill them all.
Once in my truck, I speed away, wishing I could escape this emptiness inside me, but it’s only growing. I know sooner or later, it’ll eat me whole.
The faces of the men and women I’ve killed flash before me, and I know they’ll haunt me for the rest of my days.
Turning down a winding backroad that is scarcely used, I push down on the accelerator, close my eyes, and surrender. I don’t want to be the callous man Sean wants me to be. But what choice do I have? Things would be so much easier if I just…stopped breathing. I can’t save Babydoll.
For the first time in my life…I give up.
“I’m sorry, Ma. I failed ye. I failed youse all.”
Taking my hands off the steering wheel, I know once I veer from the gravel road I will either hit a tree or fall down the steep embankment. Either possibility I’m fine with.
I lose myself in Babydoll. Her smile, her laughter, the way a simple thing as her trademark scent could chase the monsters away. She is the last memory I want to have when I leave this world.
A tiny voice screams at me, demanding I don’t give up. My mum never surrendered; she fought with the last breath she took. As did Babydoll; she fought for me when I didn’t want her to. She never gave up. If I do this, then this is me, giving up on her.