She guffaws. “I am not scared.”
“Bullshit.” I keep my gaze trained on hers.
“I’m not. You think I’m scared? I’m not. I’ve already been through hell and back with my mom, Moose. There’s not much that could be worse than that. I’m not scared of us.”
“I wish that were true, honey.” This time I ignore the pain in my side when it flares up. I don’t want us to get off topic.
“It is true,” she says between grit teeth.
“I’ll ask again. Why are you scared?”
She stares at me, breathing hard and tears well in her eyes. “I’m not doing this.” Then she spins around and stomps off into the hallway toward the living room.
I follow behind her. “Sure as shit we’re doin’ this. Now talk to me, so we can get over this hump and back to the good stuff.”
“No. If you can’t respect my wishes, then maybe we shouldn’t be together.” Her voice grows louder.
“I’m not lettin’ you do this.”
“You have no choice.”
I take a step toward her. “That’s where you’re wrong. I let you push me away years ago, and I regretted that ever since. But I realized you had your own shit you had to deal with, so I let it ride. I’m not lettin’ it ride this time. We’re good together. I know it and you know it. And I’m not gonna let you ruin it because you’re havin’ a moment where you’re feelin’ like you can’t handle caring for someone and refusing to admit you’re scared. I’ll give you your space now, but I’ll be back tomorrow and you’re gonna tell me what scares you. Then I’m gonna help you to see that it’s all in your head. Then we’re gonna have make-up sex like you wouldn’t believe. So take your space tonight and use that time to get it into your head that I’m not going anywhere. Got it?”
She blinks with her mouth hanging open for a minute, looking like she’s at a loss for words. Perfect.
I turn to leave, and the pain in my side makes another appearance, but I keep walking.
“You’re not the boss of me!” she yells as I make my way to the front door.
But I don’t bother to respond. I’m too pissed off that she’s trying to pull this shit again, though maybe I should have expected it.
I fire up my Harley, pull my helmet on, and race away from her house in under a minute, hoping that my words sink in and she’ll see that she’s stuck with me.
Chapter Nine
Reagan
I’m an idiot. I know I am. I knew it when he was walking down to his Harley, but I couldn’t find it in me to call out for him to come back.
Something about that Buzz Wheel article set me off. I think it was the mention of love. Because ever since the meadow, I’ve been fully and completely aware that I am in love with Moose. We didn’t start over after all these years, it’s like we just continued where we left off.
And seeing the word love in print with both our names brought up all the same fears from before, and it feels like too much to handle. So, I pushed him away, like I always seem to do. God, I wish I had my shit together.
So rather than enjoying a nice dinner with him, I ignore the takeout getting cold on the table and sulk around my house all night. I try watching TV but my mind keeps drifting off to the fury on Moose’s face because of course he knew exactly what I was doing and why I was doing it. He’s always seemed to understand my inner motivation better than I do.
Since TV isn’t distracting me I decide to read, but it’s just more of the same, so eventually I go out and cut the grass in my yard. It’s not in terrible need of a cut, but it gives me something to do and right now that’ll have to be enough.
As I walk my lawn back and forth, I admit to myself that I can’t keep repeating this pattern with Moose. I need to decide once and for all whether I’m in this with him or not. And if I decide I am, that has to mean that I’m willing to be open and vulnerable with him, open myself up to the possibility of getting hurt. It also means that I can’t push him away when I’m scared. In fact, I probably need to do the opposite—I need to pull him closer during those times.
Once I’m done mowing the lawn, I head inside to have a shower and get ready for bed. My days start early at the resort, so I don’t stay up late during the week. While I’m in the shower, I think back over the last couple of weeks and even farther back in the past. Moose has always been there for me. He’s pushed me when he could tell I needed pushing and backed off when that’s what is best, always having my best interests at heart. My chest squeezes when I think of how I once again tried to push him away.
I want to be with him, that much I know. I just don’t know if I’m brave enough to be the woman he needs me to be.
After my shower, I ready myself for bed and send him a quick text asking if we can get together to talk tomorrow night before he heads to the bar. I wait a few minutes but don’t get a response. Maybe he’s just busy at work. I set my phone on the nightstand and get comfortable in bed, ready to drift off to sleep. I’m still not one-hundred-percent certain what I want to say when I see him next, but I’m trusting my heart will guide me.
I startle out of sleep when the phone rings and my first reaction is that it’s the home calling to tell me there’s been an incident with my mother, but then I remember—she’s gone. Panic makes my adrenaline fire up so that I probably sound like I wasn’t even sleeping when I pick up.
I don’t recognize the number on my phone, but I pick up anyway. “Hello?”
“Hey Reagan, it’s Liam.”
I sit up in bed. Why would he be calling me at… I glance over to the clock… almost one a.m.?
“Hey, is everything okay?” I ask, clutching the sheet to my chest.
“I just wanted you to know that I got a call from Poppy’s owner. I guess Moose had to be rushed to the hospital a little bit ago.”
My hand flies to my mouth. “What?”
“Something about pain in his side. I only got the call so I can bring his bike back to his place in the morning.”
I swallow back the bile rising up my throat.
“What hospital did they take him to?” I pull the sheets off me and get out of bed.
“Lake Starlight, I’m pretty sure. I just figured you’d want to know.”
“Absolutely. Thanks for calling.” I hang up and toss my phone on the mattress, hurrying around the room to grab clothes.
In record time I’m dressed, my hair is pulled up into a messy top knot and I’m in my car racing to the hospital.
What if something is seriously wrong with him? What if the hospital can’t help him? Lake Starlight isn’t a huge trauma hospital or anything.
It doesn’t take long to drive there. Lake Starlight isn’t known for its traffic, especially in the middle of the night. By the time I park and run up to the emergency room doors, then straight to the nurse at the desk, I’m out of breath.
“Malcolm Tanner. He was brought in by ambulance. Is he okay?”
Her head rears back for a second like I’ve caught her off guard with my entrance, but then she types something in her computer and looks back to me. “And you are?”