“What do you want?”
“Did you tell what we did?” he asks, pressing the knot a little harder. I wince but he doesn’t stop. “Did you tell him everything?” His eyes never leave the knot even as I stare up at him.
“I didn’t tell him anything.”
“Then why did he hurt you?”
“What do you want?” I ask, wincing from the pain and pressure of his fingers pressing into the knot. It hurts to the point I could cry now.
“Why did he do this?” He growls low in his throat. I get it. He thinks I said something, but I’m not that stupid. “Why are you here?”
“Do you think I’m stupid? If I had told him, I would be dead right now.” The realization must hit him hard. His hand pulls away quickly, and he lowers it into his lap.
“Then why are you here?”
“I’m sick, asshole.”
“No shit. What did he do to you? Better yet, why did he do it?” I eye him and he chuckles. “I can sit here all night. I ain’t got shit to do.” God, what a prick.
“He was pissed that I left without finding him. I dealt with the aftermath. The stupid morning-after pill made me sick,” I say too quickly, not thinking first. Oh, what am I doing? Way to put your business out there, Trina!
“Morning-after pill?” he asks with his eyebrows pulled together. Then it hits him. “Fuck. He raped you?”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“Did you want it?” he asks, leaning forward.
“What do you care? Why are you even in here?” I hiss, each word laced with venom.
“Did. You. Want. It?” His eyes blaze as he says each word slowly. I’m nervous as fuck and just as I’m about to answer him, I heave. The bucket is thrust quickly under my head as I throw up once more. “I’m takin’ that as a no. Fuck, this is my fault.”
“No, it’s not. I left without him,” I tell him with my head hanging in the bucket.
“You left because of what you saw and what I did to you.”
“You didn’t do anything I didn’t want,” I add, spitting into the mess. He slowly pulls the bucket away and sets it on the floor. I let my eyes roam over his cut to his name. Freak. Doesn’t that figure.
“Fuck. Fuck!” he roars, standing to his feet. He doesn’t say another word, just turns and storms from the room.
10
Freak
I tug at my hair, pissed at myself for what happened to her. She said it wasn’t my fault but I’m the one that kept her in the room. I’m the one that made her watch as we killed that fucker, and I’m the one that fucked her and sent her on her way.
“The fuck is your problem?” Psycho asks when he steps out of the hospital and pulls a cigarette free from his pack.
“Why are you out here?”
“They gave Loralai some shit to sleep. She was losin’ it.”
“And you?” He lights up and blows smoke into the air. I watch him tip his head back and stare up at the sky.
“I always knew my soul belonged to the devil. I never questioned it, but now it feels like he wants more. Mine isn’t enough. He wants theirs and I’m not willin’ to let him have them.” Fuck. I knew shit with him was hard but this? This is beyond fucked up.
“She’s got your blood runnin’ through her veins, brother. There ain’t nothin’ she can’t do. You are far more powerful than the devil and I think that’s been proven more times than you can count. Look at you,” I say, shoving at his chest so that he meets my gaze. “You came out of that fucked-up hell for Loralai. Why the fuck can’t you do that for your daughter?”
“Faith.”
“What?”
“Her name is Faith. Loralai said that she gives us both a reason to fight. A reason to be here,” he adds, looking somber.
“You’re goddamn right she does. Now get in there and clean the fuckin’ smoke smell off you and be with your girl,” I add. Psycho nods his head, flicking his cigarette into the darkness before turning and heading back inside. I pull out one of my own and light it up when the doors open.
“You can’t smoke here,” the nurse says, as she pushes out a wheelchair.
“Didn’t fuckin’ ask you,” I tell her, blowing smoke her direction. Fucking uptight bitch. Maybe she needs to be bent over the fucking nurses’ desk and fucked.
“Asshole,” I hear her mumble.
“Nice bedside manner, bitch,” I add. She huffs and turns, leaving the wheelchair sitting there.
“You’re rude.” Oh hell.
“And? I never said I wasn’t.” Strolling over, I sit on the bench next to where nurse bitch left the girl and take a seat.
“Is your friend okay?” I glance over at her, wondering how the fuck she knows about Loralai. “She was in the room next to me. A little hard not to hear what was happening.” Scrubbing my free hand over my face, I sigh.
“Baby came early. Got her on machines and shit. She was so damn tiny. A little life that didn’t ask to be here, and yet she’s still gotta fight to live,” I tell her, feeling a little better getting that out.
“It’s a good hospital. The doctors are good here.”
“Does that really mean anything?” I ask, looking over and catching her gaze. She shrugs.
“Why wouldn’t it?”
“Thought in your world God was in charge and all that.”
“My world? He isn’t in your world?”
“You’re Ash’s old lady. I think you know the answer to that.” At the mention of his name, she flinches. Fucking bastard. I don’t know much about him, but I can tell that I can’t stand his ass already.
“I like to think it’s different with babies and kids.”
“Why the hell would it be? We brought them into this hell. We poke at the devil every day. That has to mean somethin’ in the long run,” I remind her.
“Maybe. Maybe not. Kids… they take on a mind of their own. Just because they are raised by bad people doesn’t make them bad,” she says, looking away from me. I don’t know why but that pisses me off. I want her to look at me. I want to see what she sees.
“You’re pretty fucked up if you believe that.”
“Why?”
“How can two bad people raise somethin’ right? The shit we do, the way we are. We kill. You saw that yourself. What kind of person would I raise? How could I raise a kid and not teach it everything I know?” She lowers her head and just when I think I’ve won, she speaks.
“Do you have kids?”
“No.”
“Thank God for that.” We sit in silence as I let that sink in. She’s right. I should be thanking God that I don’t have any kids. Psycho might be able to raise his daughter better because of Loralai. Me? I don’t think I can.
“Where is she?” I hear Betty before I see her. I shove off the bench just as she storms toward me. She grabs me, pulling me into a hug as sobs leave her throat.
“She’s gonna be okay. They all are,” I whisper, trying to reassure her when I don’t even know if it’s true. Psycho was right. We sold our souls to the devil a long time ago. At some point, he’s going to want more.