“Dammit, Colt.”
“I’m not your father. I’m not your boyfriend. But I am a deputy of Hawk Valley and this is my town. My town to serve and protect, you fuckin’ know I take that oath seriously. Live and breathe by it. So, yeah, it’s my business.”
That wasn’t the whole truth though. As an officer, I had no part in this. There wasn’t a crime and the law couldn’t protect Makenna as her world was rocked. If this were anyone else in this town, I’d mind my own damn business, as I should. I’d be ready if I needed to step in, but I’d mind my own business.
This wasn’t anyone though. It was Makenna Clarke. The vivacious, stubborn, smart assed blonde that caused my blood to roar every damn time I saw her. There was no walking away or minding my own business when it came to her.
I growled as the radio on my shoulder crackled and a dispatcher’s voice rang through. I listened to the voice. I needed to go, duty called. “This isn’t over, Makenna,” I promised. I waited one more second to see if she’d finally open the door. I wouldn’t be able to stay and talk, but I could see her. Make sure she was fine. Look into those cornflower blue eyes and confirm that she was holding herself together like I knew she could. I didn’t want to protect her because she was weak.
I wanted to protect her because she fucking mattered.
No matter what I did to erase her from my mind or tell myself that it would never work between us. She mattered.
7
Makenna
The sun warmed my skin. I turned my face up, closing my eyes, as I soaked it in for a moment. It was early enough in the spring that the sun wasn’t yet the enemy. Right now it warmed and kissed instead of burning and frying. Wind danced through the trees shaking the leaves into their own kind of music. I strolled up the hill at a leisurely pace, even though I knew I would be cutting it close for time. I had a bouquet of blooms tucked into my arm.
The flowers were a mixture of bright and bold and soft and romantic. Their meanings ranged from congratulatory to true love. It wasn’t a mix that could be found in a grocery store. It took an expert hand to turn the mixture of flowers into something beautiful. I’d worked on it, perfecting it, pouring my love into it. This was the gift I had to give. The recipients might not know the meaning and origin behind every bloom, but I did. And it was crafted with them in mind.
A personalized bouquet for this day. A bouquet for Addie and Foster. In a matter of minutes, Foster would be sinking down on one knee in front of the woman he loved and adored. He looked at our sweet Addie like she was the sole purpose of the world spinning around the sun. I was surrounded by the epitome of true love. The kind that songs, sonnets, and stories were written about. If someone was looking for a little inspiration, all they had to do was stumble on our town of Hawk Valley.
I was so incredibly happy for Delilah and Gunner. Zoe and Ridge. Addie and Foster. But seeds of jealousy had sprouted. I’d loved and been loved. It was over a decade later, and I feared that one day I would settle down. Emphasis on settle.
“Come on, Makenna. Foster just parked the truck!” Delilah whisper shouted and waved her hand for me to hurry. I stomped up the last few steps up the hill and took residence behind a fat oak tree. Foster wanted Addie to be surrounded by the people that loved her today. We were waiting in the shadows of the trees and bushes, watching, and would pop out after she said “yes!” There wasn’t any doubt in my mind that she would say it. It was a simple fact.
I felt Colt’s hard stare boring into my back. A shiver skittered down my spine from his attention. Even though I told him I hadn’t been avoiding him, I had been. He’d unlocked one of my secrets, and now that there was a leak in the dam, I was worried it’d turn into a crack and then a waterfall as I was unable to hold it all in. His words spoken through the refrigerator door had pierced my heart. Their aim had been true.
It wasn’t only Colt I was avoiding. Quinn’s grandmother had come to pick her up that day after I called Quinn’s parents. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but it was brief. They had called me when they got back to town and spoke with Quinn. She wanted to get to know her birth mother and they were allowing her to do so, but they wanted to speak with me in person first. I promised to check my schedule and get back to them. That had been a few days ago.
And I still hadn’t confirmed a day and time to meet them and discuss where to go from here. Quinn wanted to get to know me. There wasn’t a question of if I wanted to know her. Of course I did. I’d thought of her every single day of her life, but could I handle it? Was it the best choice for her? For me? If she decided she didn’t like the situation and wanted to cut off communication, what would become of me then?
After Declan’s death, Macy and Allison’s deaths, Zoe escaping the town limits, and watching a nurse walk out the door with my baby that would never truly be mine, I was a shell. Then my father left, chose his other family in front of ours. I wasn’t even a shell at that point. Shells are homes for living creatures. I was a husk. Shed and left behind. It had taken years to dig myself back into some semblance of a human being. What would happen if Quinn left? For a second time? What would I be then? And would I be able to dig myself out?
How could I possibly begin to help a preteen understand my reasons for choosing adoption? I rolled my eyes. Hell, in even the few minutes that Quinn sat in my kitchen, I could tell she had a brilliant mind. She might be able to understand my decisions better than I could. Seeing her, grown up and looking so much like Declan, caused a raw ache in my chest. My heart clenched each time I picked up the phone to call and set something up, and fear had me putting down the phone each time.
I shook these thoughts away, letting the whispers around me, as Foster and Addie came up the hill, fill my ears again. We watched as Foster set Addie on the bench and removed the blindfold. Delilah’s hand landed on my shoulder and squeezed. I glanced at her, smiling. Zoe had tears in her eyes as she pushed the stroller gently back and forth as Aubrey and Nico slept.
The jealousy that I hated faded away when Foster sank down, taking Addie’s hand in his. I leaned farther around the tree, listening as hard as I could, catching the words he spoke to her. She fell into his arms, wrapping hers around him as they embraced and kissed. The moment they broke their kiss, Delilah and I rushed around the tree, shouting. Zoe and the guys were just behind us. I hugged Foster and Addie tightly, handing her the bouquet, and stepped back as the rest of the group swarmed in to say their own congratulations.
“Makenna,” Colt said from behind me. His voice was quiet, but it didn’t take out the gruff quality that was always there.
I shook my head. I knew my time to avoid was coming to a close. I’d have to face it, make a decision. And if I didn’t, I knew Colt would be there pushing me along. “Not here, Colt,” I hissed. I swallowed as panic clawed its way up my throat. I didn’t want anyone to hear him. It already set me on edge that Colt knew; I wasn’t ready for anyone else to know. Especially before I even had a chance to wrap my own mind around the fact that Quinn was here knocking on my door.
I could only handle one thing at a time. Or else, I just might break. The careful way I’d put myself back together with glue and tape wouldn’t hold against a storm.