He squeezed my hand. “Later,” he whispered.
In a split second, he was able to see the turbulent emotions that were coursing through me. It felt like every moment, a new thought or a new emotion would surface. I worried over every tiny interaction with Quinn. The happiness and deep-rooted grief I felt every time I looked at her was rocking me.
I nodded and jogged to catch up with Quinn. She was standing on the street corner waiting for us to cross. Colt placed his hand on her shoulder and looked both ways before walking us across the street and down the next block to the hardware store.
“I’ll grab the lemons,” I said. “How many do we need?”
“No,” Quinn almost shouted before softening her voice. “Can we stay together?”
Before I could overthink the action, I brushed her hair back over her shoulder and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. Then I began to stride toward the hardware shop’s door. “Of course. We can stay together.”
I glanced back at Colt. He had his phone out and held it in front of him. I knew he was taking a picture. I grinned for the camera before turning back around and letting my arm fall from Quinn’s shoulders as I opened the door to the shop. I followed Colt and Quinn through the aisles as they picked up the things they would need and was surprised that most of them were things that would be easy to find around most homes.
We sat at a park picnic table and built the small contraption. Quinn was right, she was a good teacher. She guided Colt and me through each step, keeping me in the loop. I laughed when the light turned on. Quinn picked it up from the table and ran toward one of her instructors, who would have the next clue. He took the lemon light and she grabbed an envelope from him, running back toward us. She ripped it open and stood at the head of the table reading the clue out loud.
“We breathe it out and they take it in. You’ll find your clue where photosynthesis begins. Once there look for part two.”
“The botanical gardens!” I shouted, ecstatic that I was able to guess a clue. “Plants! Plants are something I know.”
The town park had a large botanical garden including a greenhouse. There were rows of flowers and other plants with a small plaque in front of each one describing it. I’d come to this town before for the gardens and wished Hawk Valley would add something like this to our park.
At the entrance to the gardens, on the entry sign, sat an envelope. Quinn snatched it, ripping it open. “As you near the end, we wish you good luck and good fortune.”
“That’s the clue?” Colt asked. “Flip it over.”
Quinn flipped it over to show the blank side. There wasn’t anything there.
I tapped my finger against my lips looking at our surroundings. Good luck and good fortune. “Peonies,” I muttered. “Red peonies.” My voice was a little louder this time. More sure. I could’ve jumped up and down from the joy that sparked through me that I was finally able to help Quinn instead of just following her around. All day I’d wanted to contribute to her end goal—winning, but I’d failed. This I knew though.
I spotted the red peonies three rows over and pointed them out. Their bright red and romantic textured petals stood out from their green stems. We stopped in front of them looking around, but there wasn’t an envelope.
“Do you think someone has already been here?” Quinn asked.
Colt shook his head. “No, the envelope at the entrance was unopened. I think we’re here first.”
A breeze blew and ruffled the thick foliage of flowers just enough that I saw a spot of gold against the black soil. I stuck my hand in, careful of the stems, and pulled out a gold star with writing on it. I grinned as I read the words written in thick Sharpie. “There are only three of these for first, second, and third place. Which will you be?”
“Over there,” another student shouted at the front of the gardens.
“Let’s go,” Quinn said, snatching the star out of my hand, and took off running. Colt grabbed my hand and pulled me after him, jogging to catch up with her. We skidded to a halt in front of one of the teachers. She was beaming at Quinn.
“I knew you’d win. Don’t tell anyone I said that though,” she whispered and winked at Quinn. Quinn bounced on her toes, pushing her purple glasses up.
“You got first?” I asked, smiling at Quinn.
She nodded.
“There’s going to be a ceremony once everyone finishes, so hang out, grab a drink. It’ll be over soon.”
“Mrs. Messer, will you take a picture of us?”
Colt dug his phone out of his jeans and handed it over to Mrs. Messer. Quinn stood between us holding up the star. I bent my knees and placed my arm around her shoulders, grinning for the photo, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Quinn.
It was only minutes later that the grin slid off my face and I started biting the inside of my cheek to hold back the tears. We sat at a picnic table, Quinn sipping on lemonade. She stared at me from across the table, an inscrutable expression on her face.
“Do you have any brothers or sisters? What about parents?”
I chuckled. “It’s just my mom and my brother,” I said. I didn’t want to go into the half-siblings right now. I barely knew them and it was complicated. Nor did I want to explain affairs to a preteen.
“Where’s your dad?”
I picked at the label on my water bottle and gave Quinn a tight smile. “Gone.”
She nodded once and pursed her lips. She squinted a bit as she stared at me and I could tell her brain was working a mile a minute. “Do you think you would’ve been a good mom?”
It was a simple question and one I’d wondered about for a long time, but hearing it from her was like a sucker punch. I stared at her and knew I’d never have been able to give her the life she had now. I wasn’t sure how much of her was nature and how much was nurture, but I did know I wouldn’t have measured to what she has now.
“I—I’m not sure. I would’ve tried.” I was scrambling for the right words to say and was unable to look away from her blue eyes. Declan had believed that I would be a good mom, and I knew he would’ve been an amazing dad, but after losing him? Would I have been sucked too deeply into a black hole of depression to be what Quinn needed? I could barely take care of myself then. It was a sharp reminder that I wouldn’t have been a good mom. That she deserved better than me. Each breath I took was coming faster as I felt the panic sinking in. Colt grabbed my knee under the table and squeezed, bringing me back to the moment.
“You’d have been great,” Colt said gruffly to me before turning to Quinn. “Makenna may not have been able to give you a lot and your life would certainly look different than it does now, but I do know she would’ve loved you fiercely. She still does. She would’ve done anything to make you happy. She still would. I think she would’ve been a good mom.”
Quinn swallowed and pushed her glasses up her nose. Her gaze fell to the table for a moment and I glanced at Colt. Give her a minute, he mouthed. I licked my lips and nodded, wringing my hands in my lap. His hand was still on my knee and I couldn’t even think about how weird it was that it didn’t feel weird to have him touching me and comforting me.
“Do you think I would’ve liked flowers?” Quinn asked and she looked back up from the table. Her eyes were a bit glossy, but no tears fell. Her smile shook and I gave her a shaky smile of my own, letting her lead. The intense question mixed with something lighter reminded me of myself. I did that when I needed a break to wrangle my emotions.